I Wonder Why I've Forgotten You

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

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A tribute to my first crush.

It was December 2018. Four months less a decade since I left the province. Around that time, it's you who just arrived.

I secretly arrived in the municipality without anyone's idea, even my parents are clueless about it. Anyways, I'm 21 already by that time so who would ever care? All they know is that I'm joining the team building but the truth is, I want to go to the rural area where I can relax a bit. I've been so exhausted and so I took the chance as well to write about the place for a travelogue project we needed to submit by February the next year.

I stayed in the old house where we used to live when I was a kid. With hundreds of relatives in the place, no one had ever gotten the slightest idea that I arrived. I've grown more than a feet since then so who would recognize me?

After 2 days, I decided to walk like a stranger in our barangay and as I suspect, even if a lot of people are puzzled about my presence, no one dare to ask about me from me. It's normal I know, because provincianos are always hesitatant to speak with someone who confidently speaks Tagalog.

I walked and walked. Familiar faces and familiar houses. The only thing that's alienating is the silence. When I was a kid, our barangay has never been so silent. It's four o'clock in the afternoon, I should see children playing on the court and people gambling under the old wooden house. When I passed by the only street we have, it's dead-silent so I didn't try to stay long and exited through the long road going to the cemetery. While walking, I can see the vast fields lushed in green vegetations. Not so faraway, the kiat kiat trees are standing proud on the red hill. On my left is a huge rice milling station and on the right is the tricky end of the cliff. I can see the distant farms from there. And lastly, my eyes didn't let the opportunity to take a glance at our old house. It wasn't there anymore. I heard that because of the typhoon, the house was destroyed. In few seconds that I glided my sight on that area, I saw my relatives merrily drinking. I saw my uncles who once visited us in our house and may have noticed that it was me. They called my attention by shouting so loud over the taltalon. I paid them a quick glance and walked away steadily. I thought that it's not the right time to show myself up. I'm still enjoying being alone.

After another two days, I decided to attend the mass at early dawn. I saw my cousins there and asked if they remember me. They certainly remember me but they're too shy to approach. Haha. I told them that I'm visiting them by afternoon.

When I went there, I was so excited to see everyone. Everyone is so happy though, even if I got nothing with me. Anyways, everyone is kinda rich that week because drinking is in every corner. They can spend for bottles of liquors, the hell should I give them pamasko?

So the next day, they asked me to come with them and swim. We went to the famed resort but learned that it was full. We just enjoyed some playful dips on the emerald green river. I thought that it's going to be the only day we'll be off to a swimming party. Nope. Everyday, my cousins are taking me everywhere to swim.

One of the occasions was in that resort where I met you. We were so happy because after several tries, we finally and successfully booked a hut. I didn't see you at first. While we're soaking our feet on the edge of the pool, you suddenly came there and I saw my cousins' reaction. They were hesitant to see you. I don't know but I feel like there's something odd about you.

When I went back to the hut, you grabbed a glass and filled it with mixed alcohol. You offered it to me and asked, "do you remember me?"

Okay. I need to explain what happened that moment. The first time I saw you, you were so interesting. Your round brown eyes and thick eyebrows are very charming. Your face looks aggressive and angry but I think that you're too nice to give me attention. I mean, I'm too curious about you and you just gave me attention, how cool was that?

I don't know how to react so I turned down your offer and say, I don't drink. I feel like you were humiliated by my gesture for you didn't try to speak with me again after that instance. By 3 o'clock in the afternoon, only a cousin of mine went home with me. Overnight, I was thinking about you. I feel like you're familiar.

I repeated your name several times and alas! My goodness! Yes! I remember you suddenly after years of trying to forget you.

It was around April 2009, less than a month before we went to the city, my distant cousins arrived from Manila and brought with them a person who's interesting. You were very friendly but seems to be so annoying. When I saw you back then, I knew I'm interested in you. You're my first crush at first sight.

I remember when we're swimming on the cold springs, we're actually done bathing but I saw your group coming towards us so I stayed there longer. I didn't care to look at you and tried to attract your attention by playing with your cousin which was a friend. We raced towards the floating ball and you suddenly came from nowhere to push me down deep the water. It was the closest sight of your face. You were smiling when you know I'm almost drowning but I didn't complain.

That morning, I'm so angry at myself. You were the reason why I cried all throughout the ride on the bus going to the city when I thought, I won't see you anymore. I thought that you were just a friend of my distant cousin that will come back to the city once the summer is over like his other friends who came along with him before. I didn't know that you were a cousin of him too but on a different side of the family tree so we're not really related. You stayed in the province since then.

Afternoon comes and I asked the tricycle to pick me up in front of your house so I have the reason to take a peek if I'm able to see you but there wasn't any shadow of yours. Once again, I rode the bus back home to the city crying about you, again.

After few weeks, I saw your account suddenly showing up on my suggested friends with an inverted name. I was too shy to add you up so I just followed you. February 1, 2019, a friend request from you suddenly popped up on my notification. Of course, I didn't let it slip so I decided to immediately accept and talk to you. I explained everything and you were laughing. I bet you read my mind because I wasn't finished typing my words but you're able to answer them quick.

I guess, our minds crossed each other.

I decided to ask you a coffee talk once we meet again. Why coffee? Because it's warm like my heart's feeling for you. I don't like your drinking habit so I'd like you to try something that'll wake you up.

I patiently waited until November to greet you on your birthday but months passed and you never took a time to check my personal message.

I wonder why? I know you're busy with your dreams and to your commitment to someone else but here's a promise for you. I won't ever try to forget you.

 

...

..

 

"Ask for them"

Dark skin, tall height
Manly handsome

If I'm only confident enough to tell you
You would know how much I dream to always see you

Thick eyebrows, peach lips
Matches your combed hair

You would know all my feelings once you dare ask for them
If only you would try to let our minds cross, again
 

...
..
...

 

"Honest eyes"

You seem so sad, may I know why?
Who's trying to kill your mem'ries?
Tell me while I'm fixing your tie
Honest eyes won't hide who you miss
 

...
..
...

 

"Heroes"

Heroes don't hesitate to carry the rainbow
Lifting it into the air for others to see
Smiles sprouted from selflessness of overnight dough
Amorsecos upside down, honor their glory

 

...
..
...
 

"Crazy"

Crazy, the only word that can describe
How we met after a very long time
Crazy how the carved lines on our palms gibe
And we didn't complain, we proceed the mime

#IX/MMXX

 


Submitted: September 28, 2020

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