Intentions

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

All my life I had done nothing but invest my time in my personal and private relationships, like all the world was forgotten but this small part. Doing things for others was always easier than doing them for myself.

A memory floats below the surface, 

a small thought that gives me purpose.

Its a good thought that I do need to repress,

honestly it just makes me want to regress. 

With all the stress in my mind,

It makes me want to rewind

And take a breather.

Stop thinking to myself,

"I NEED TO KEEP HER"

I'd like to go back and

pay more attention to myself,

instead of slapping shackles

on my wrists for detention.

It was never my intention

To cross into this invention 

of love that has become so conventional

And influential.

It's almost institutional. 

But the need that I felt to be held -

From the shitty hand I was dealt 

As I knelt on that cold floor

And a belt lashed my back

And the felt between my teeth 

That stopped the screams -

Was overwhelming.

Looking back it couldn't be stopped 

As person after person

Dropped me on the concrete.

A moment later and I'd be propped back up

and talked back down from the brink

As all my feelings locked back up

And I readied myself to be knocked back down.

Instead of needing someone else

I wish I could have hopped back up

Not fiending to keep leaning

And dreaming on others

Or letting them give me meaning. 

I see now I'm better than that. 

I have more to offer living for myself.

Letting others know me for me, 

and not me for another

As I smother some other poor soul

In place of a mother. 

Now, I'll give to those that deserve me,

That dont hurt me,

That preserve me within memory

and conserve me like a necessity.

Im not offering just the best of me

But all of me, and if you call on me

Understand that I can't always be there for you

but I want to be. 

Not out of need,

but because you gave me this seed

And breathed life into me

As I seethed underneath the waves

Of this sea of hypocrisy; 

Then I'll be there for you

And dare to care for you

as I stare into your eyes and flare for you

While I cast off despair,

And repair myself for me. 

 

 

 

 


Submitted: October 03, 2020

© Copyright 2021 Fayren Meric. All rights reserved.

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Comments

G. Quaglia

Wow, just wow, I felt so moved and absolutely loved this poem.

Sat, October 3rd, 2020 9:56pm

Fayren Meric

I am really glad it struck a chord, I hope you continue to find anything you need within my wrting.

Sat, October 3rd, 2020 10:15pm

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