Greener Dreamer

Reads: 344  | Likes: 1  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 1

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic


The smell of pine, the smell of moss

These memories you never lost.

The cool damp air, the leaves beneath

The journey that you never seek. 

Though fond you felt, though never bleak

Your feelings seem to meet their peak.

In this forest, within this scene

Nothing more can seem so green. 

A rush of blood, a deep breath in

This world you feel that lacks in sin. 

The trees that breathe, the leaves that spring

The roots you know that life does bring.

You take it in, you feel it grow

This forest that you'll never know. 


Submitted: October 04, 2020

© Copyright 2022 Fayren S.E. Tye. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:

Comments

panteleon

Dear Andre,
I've been looking through the comments posted on my work and read again your kind words. I see from your profile that you are no longer actively using Booksie but I sought out one of your poems to read through and my eyes fell on this one.
I like the rhythm and rhyme the verse has a good pace to it. I might boldly suggest that you try splitting it up into two stanzas? It might seem trivial and perhaps it is just my old brain trying for a break after a few lines.
The lines I enjoyed most were,
"The trees that breathe, the leaves that spring
the roots you know that life does bring"
I realise that it might now be a while before you read this but thank you for commenting on my work and for sharing your poems with us here on Booksie. I've posted some other poems and two articles since you welcomed me into the fold and I'd like to hear your feedback whenever you get time.
good luck with you writing,
panteleon.

Fri, June 17th, 2022 2:11pm

Author
Reply

I greatly appreciate your words of kindness, I have actually been in a pretty big slump lately and that is the biggest reason I haven't been actively posting lately. I am sure the ice will thaw soon, as it seems the problems that have manifested themselves within my life are set to fade in the very near future. I do so hope to come back with great vigor. I will gladly take a look at your recent work and give what feedback I can offer.

And as for the splitting of this poem, oddly enough I never give much thought to the structure of my words. Maybe its because I am purely self taught, maybe its because I am relatively whimsical, whatever the case though I'll try to give it more thought in the future.

Sat, June 18th, 2022 8:21am

Facebook Comments

Other Content by Fayren S.E. Tye

Poem / Poetry

Poem / Poetry