If Only

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

I wish I could have fought for you, for us. But it's over now. Even though I wish it wasn't.

If only you were here.

If only I had seized that chance to say I love you.

If only I had cherished more your warm glances, your loving gestures, your soothing presence.

Then maybe I wouldn't be here.

Standing in this colorless room, an incessant ache in my chest, tearing my heart apart with its whining.


My mother stands behind me, her hands on my shoulders, looking at me proudly. 

"Congratulations!" Her enthusiastic voice is the only thing keeping me from completely breaking down into a tear stained mess.

I try my hardest to paint a smile on my face. "Thanks mom." My cracked voice resonates in the room, mocking me for all my past regrets and mistakes.

"Well, we'll be heading to the venue now. Don't be nervous son, everything's going to be amazing." After a hug and a few pats on the shoulder, she leaves the hotel room.

With weary eyes and a heavy sigh, I try to make myself more presentable. Fixing the collar, straightening the suit, buttoning down my jet black jacket in an pitiful attempt to hide my broken heart.

"Pull yourself together," I think to myself. "You're getting married, for god's sake."

I walk to the mirror and look at my reflection in disgust.

"Smile," I tell myself but the corners of my mouth droop more. "And stand straight," I say but my posture sags further. One hand, shaking uncontrollably, reaches up to smooth my hair.

"You promised," I say, not really conscious of my words.

"You promised!" I yell, and that's when the dam broke, when all lines were cut loose. Sobs wrack my body as my knees give way. Tears line my face, dripping to the floor as I cry uncontrollably.

"You promised that you would never go," I whispered. "That you would be here for me forever. And look at us now. Look at us now."

Memories spill from my brain like a waterfall. I remember lying by the riverbank and gazing at the stars with you, our bodies pressed together and fitting like two halves of an apple. I remember skipping math tutoring class, drinking bubble tea, busking on the streets together. I remember how your eyes always held the prettiest sparkles, how your touch alone could make my heart race fifteen beats a second, how your smile would bring me the comfort I couldn't find anywhere else in the world. Stolen kisses, late night cuddles, whispered I-love-you's, promises for our future. But it's gone now. And I wish I could go back.

Submitted: October 19, 2020

© Copyright 2020 ACE-40. All rights reserved.

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