11th Century Iran, Alamut Castle.
Diran, a Master Assassin is on a warpath looking for the man who murdered his family. During one of his quests, he rescues a girl named Lusia, unaware that she will become his salvation.
Unfortunately, she is not all as she seems.
After her big secret is revealed, Lusia is forced to go back home where she awaits to fulfill her chosen destiny. After losing her, Diran takes on another quest where he will have to make a choice, between love or vengeance.
Recent Comments
A good opening chapter to your story. It flows well, with some nice descriptive pieces, which gives the reader a taste for the surroundings and era in which it is set.
A nice start.
Regards
Celtic-Scribe63
Author
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Oh wow thank you! I'm happy with that ^_^
I had some trouble in the past of trying to say too much about the surroundings, so good to know that I achieved that.
This is a really good start - your descriptions are well written and set the scene perfectly. I like that you introduced the character by having him talk to an elderly woman - it showed a different side to him that made his intentions in going to the feast even more shocking and dramatic. The bit about him "nervously" holding his breath showed a different side to his character, too; it added a humanness, which is rarely seen in assassin characters, so it was an interesting contrast. Good job! :)
Fri, October 23rd, 2020 10:16am
Author
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Wow thank you for your comment, that makes me happy to read :D
I'm not saying It always works but I usually try to do the opposite of what is expected. Like you say. Most Assassins are being portrayed as stone-cold killers. But Diran is a person who grew up in this environment which makes it a completely normal job like working at a store or being a baker. He's just a friendly, good guy who happens to kill people sometimes :D
Thanks again. It's really motivating to read comments like this :)
Great first chapter. It’s well written and has just enough intrigue and excitement to keep me coming back for the next chapter.
Wed, October 28th, 2020 11:56am
Author
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Thank you ^_^ That makes me really happy to hear :)
This is an excellent first chapter. I really liked the descriptions of your combat. I also liked that they went back for the girl. Any normal person couldn't resist hearing someone going through what she was.
I could easily follow your story and picture the scenes. You wrote them very well.
Author
Reply
Thank's for the nice comment :D
I'm so happy you say you really liked the descriptions of the combat. Action scenes are something I really have to work on to get just right. But I think I'm getting better :) So thanks!
I'm currently working on the third chapter. I have about 18 chapters written (so far) in Dutch and I'm busy translating to reach a bigger audience :)
What an excellent start to an assassin story Lucinda !
I love the pace, and the characters are just so interesting...Diran is not what he seems at all, I love that.
The action sequences were so thrilling and believable, proper edge of the seat stuff
"I grabbed his armed hand , dive under his arm and twist it" excellently done here, I felt that ...ouch !
Those rapists had it coming !
Well done Lucinda, well done, cant wait for chapter 2....
Author
Reply
Thank you for the comment ^_^
I am SO happy you like the action sequences because that is something that I'm no good at. I have to work really hard to get those just right. So I'm glad that it pays off :D
Chapter two and three are up, chapter four is in progress and I hope to post that one of these days :)
xxx
L.
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Ann Sepino
An exciting first chapter, and the concept itself is something I think I could get into. I found a few typos, but nothing big enough to stop me from reading to the end. I enjoyed reading this.
Thu, October 22nd, 2020 12:00amAuthor
Reply
Thanks so much for the comment. I was in dire need of feedback...
Thu, October 22nd, 2020 12:19amMy apologies for the typos but good to know. English is not my first language so I can't guarantee it won't happen again... I have no editor and I haven't written in English for about ten years.
The story itself has about eighteen chapters written in Dutch (it's not finished yet) so I'm working on translating it right now. Chapter two will be up in a few days I hope, in case you want to continue reading it :)
Thanks again!