Heart's Desire

ICstories

To begin, I love the simplicity of this chapter and the way it so quickly and smoothly fills in an idea of what's going on. As the featured review states, I can definitely see this story being fit for teenagers off the bat.

However, the simplicity is also a double-edged sword. I think in the beginning, while the hook is definitely interesting, it could be made more powerful if you wrote it with more tension, almost with more horror, digging deeper into how the entire atmosphere looks because of the haze. For example:

\\ Kat stood there, blinking away the tears that welled up. The haze had covered the once green forest in a blanket of darkness. Rotted trees, wilted flowers, and even the air too, had this faint touch of despair. H-how could this have happened? //

Mind you, I have no idea how you imagine the story, so that's just an example. But I'd love to see more imagery to help paint the world and compliment the simplicity of your chapter. And it goes for more than just the scene around her! Even as far as the soft fur of the fox or its piercing, green eyes!

Overall, I really enjoyed the read and I think it's very promising, just need to tinker with a few things!

A. Rhetters

A very intriguing chapter. You do good with setting the scene, and from the hints you have dropped about this character and her connection to nature, I think that she could be either a fairy or elf of some type (I’m probably very wrong, however).

The chapter is written in a way that it makes the reader crave for more. Like who or what is the haze? A demonic entity, or a curse? I will likely be reading more of this.