Heart's Desire

Reads: 478  | Likes: 8  | Shelves: 4  | Comments: 6

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Fantasy Realm

Featured Review on this writing by K.Essler

Kat lives at a cottage located in a magical forest and struggles to save the spirits who live there from the black haze.

Table of Contents

Sequoia

Kat's eyes blink away the tears that begin to well up in her eyes. H-how could this have happened? Her gaze shifts over the vall... Read Chapter

Fox

Two days pass before the fox begins it's recovery. As Kat tends to it, she begins to wonder. How is the haze spreading and how can i... Read Chapter

Griffin

Her gaze locks with that of the person across the room. Griffin. He looks different than before. He looks. Human. "Kat, why are you ... Read Chapter

Phoenix

Refocusing on the scene in front of her, Kat notices startling differences. It's the cottage but it looks different, like from ... Read Chapter

Prison

"Griffin!" Kat exclaims as she runs to him, throwing her arms around his shoulders. "I was so worried we wouldn't come back here to you."... Read Chapter

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Recent Comments

ICstories

To begin, I love the simplicity of this chapter and the way it so quickly and smoothly fills in an idea of what's going on. As the featured review states, I can definitely see this story being fit for teenagers off the bat.

However, the simplicity is also a double-edged sword. I think in the beginning, while the hook is definitely interesting, it could be made more powerful if you wrote it with more tension, almost with more horror, digging deeper into how the entire atmosphere looks because of the haze. For example:

\\ Kat stood there, blinking away the tears that welled up. The haze had covered the once green forest in a blanket of darkness. Rotted trees, wilted flowers, and even the air too, had this faint touch of despair. H-how could this have happened? //

Mind you, I have no idea how you imagine the story, so that's just an example. But I'd love to see more imagery to help paint the world and compliment the simplicity of your chapter. And it goes for more than just the scene around her! Even as far as the soft fur of the fox or its piercing, green eyes!

Overall, I really enjoyed the read and I think it's very promising, just need to tinker with a few things!

Thu, November 12th, 2020 3:37pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for your review! I really appreciate your advice and will try to implement that! I completely that it would help give more depth to the overall story.

Thanks a bunch for pointing that out as I couldn't quite put my finger on what it needed!

Thu, November 12th, 2020 7:56am

A. Rhetters

A very intriguing chapter. You do good with setting the scene, and from the hints you have dropped about this character and her connection to nature, I think that she could be either a fairy or elf of some type (I’m probably very wrong, however).

The chapter is written in a way that it makes the reader crave for more. Like who or what is the haze? A demonic entity, or a curse? I will likely be reading more of this.

Thu, November 12th, 2020 4:05pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much! >.

Fri, November 13th, 2020 6:28pm

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