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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

A story of a young boy who is about to kill himself.

What would you do before you took a major decision which creates an impact on your whole life? Cogitate. Not when you’re about to kill yourself. My mind is befuddled. I am currently standing inert on my balcony. The moon brightly lit in the midnight sky, a slight breeze brushed through, causing my neatly combed hair to ruffle. I stand, holding the metalled railings for support, contemplating death. My phone buzzed. It was a message notification from Kavya, my best friend, and my neighbor.


KAVYA: Hey, Dev. Lunch tomorrow, my place, 1 PM. You game?


DEV: Only if I am alive.


KAVYA: Not funny. Are you okay?


DEV: Yes!


KAVYA: Really?


DEV: Yes!!!


I turned off my phone and held on to it tightly, the wind, now, was gusting through the bough of the trees. I felt my eyes getting moist. Slowly tears started streaming down my cheeks. 


It’s not that I want to die. When the depression reaches an insufferable level, I just want the pain to stop, and somehow, knowing that if I kill myself, I will be released of all the muddle and anguish. That satisfies me. Death intrigues me, the whole concept is fascinating. Think about it, one moment you’re alive and there is so much thinking, your mind doesn’t stop, so much till it becomes overwhelming, but once you die; your mind just shuts off. 


As I am thinking about and contemplating death, I begin to look down. All I could think about is the pain I endured because of the monsters who bullied me, the toxic people who took advantage of my vulnerability, and the demons I was fighting within me. I could be released from this pain within a few minutes. 


I pulled my phone from my pocket, turned it on and texted my close friends ‘goodbye’, and switched off my phone. I shut my eyes and gasped for air. My hands were fluttering, my legs felt very feeble, and my chest ached.


I attempted to climb the railings; however, my corpulence body hadn’t made it easy. Unwieldy, I dragged myself up the railings and now stood, the tears still falling, the nose, runny, and my eyes, bloodshot. The thing about attempting to kill yourself is you don’t know what you’re thinking, your mind takes control and you become a slave, the slave of your mind. 


I shut my eyes, gasping for breath. On the spur of the moment, I heard a voice. I looked back.


“Dev”, my mother screeched. She had no clue what was going on.


I was still standing on the railings, I felt myself coming back to my senses. Dumbfounded at the sight, I did not know what to do. On the one hand, I wanted the pain to stop. On the other, I wished I lived, for my parents, at least.


I got down from the railings. Headed for my mom, who was now crying; I embraced her.


“What were you doing? It’s dangerous,” said my mom, innocently.


“Nothing, mom, not doing anything,” I said.


Someday, my pain will stop. I thought and covered my face in my mom’s shoulder and letting the tears fall.


Submitted: October 31, 2020

© Copyright 2020 hitesh naresh jaswani. All rights reserved.

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