Save Me From My First Responders, Please

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

A mishap at home and the days that followed.

You know you are going to have an off day when you go to get your morning coffee, step on a dog toy, stumble into a frig that has been there forever and get your leg and oxygen hose tangled in  leg of a stool in the kitchen.  It took me almost fifteen minutes from getting up from a chair to broken leg in the kitchen.
 
My problems did not actually start when I broke my leg.  It was when I screamed at the top of my lungs in pain.  I had landed on the floor rather hard.  My leg being tangled with my oxygen hose was sticking into the legs of the stool.  It was when the stool came back down and broke my calf bone.  Within seconds, Oscar, my pet squirrel had arrived and was jumping up and down, waving his hands in the air and chatting.  All I said, well maybe too loudly, "Oscar Please."  He instantly scampered up the fallen stool, onto my broken leg, onto my arm which was there because I was trying to get the stool off my leg, up to my shoulder.  I got turned my face away so I could readjust my nose piece.  Oscar pulled my chin over to him and gave me a kiss.  By that time Bella, my 30 pound mixed bread dog showed up to add her kisses.  She was wagging her tail at both ends and kissing me all over; face, arm, broken leg.  I had heard the snap and knew I was in trouble.  I made one final jerk and got the stool off but not without another scream.
 
Sweet Pea, my 150 pound gray hound showed up with Grammy, Oscar's wife, riding on her shoulder.  Oscar chatted to them both.  Sweet Pea lowered her snout.  She decided she was not needed.  Grammy scammpered down to the floor.  She lowered her head and pushed her shoulders up.  Sweet Pea dutifully picked her up by the nap of the neck and carried her off.  Grammy was not good balancing on Sweet Pea and always took her return trips from the baggage or no windows section.  She always closed her eyes until deposited on the little stair case leading up to the cat tree on the back of the dryer in the laundry room.  The squirrel's winter home.
 
I screamed again.  I looked up and Sweet Pea very quietly started bringing every dog toy in the house to me and deposited them in my lap.  I yelled at Osar again (it is so annoying to be kissed when you hurt so much).  Then I heard the end of the bed going up and knew what had happened.  Sweet Pea always put her head under the bed when I was at my loudest.  I had tried to get up... no way.  I have very bad knees and a broken leg with two hip implants.  What is a girl to do?  I butt walked, dragging my leg,  into the living room where I had left the cell phone and pushed 911.
 
Now, I knew I was going to have to prepare things.  I did not have to worry about Sweet Pea she would stay with her head under the bed until she heard either quiet or me call her.  Bella was a different story.  She had never been here in a crisis.  She kept trying to get in my lap.  No matter how many times Oscar waved his hands at her, (from my shoulder), she was going to ride in my lap. She has not really learned squirrel yet.
 
I was getting all sorts of kisses.  I made my call with Bella in my lap and Oscar on my shoulder.  I then again pushed Bella to the side and started making my way over to the bedroom door.  The idea was to put Oscar and Bella on the other side of that door.  Then when the emergency people got there they could come right in without any danger of Bella getting out or Oscar causing any problems.  A lot of pain later I had Bella chase down the toy that I had tripped on that started this whole thing.  I said she was sweet.. not too smart.  She ran after it.  I felt my shoulders, no Oscar, and closed the door.
 
That is not the funny part.  They had me loaded.  I asked the attendent to check one more time to make sure the dogs water bowl was full.  They left the doors open on the abulance.  While the guy went in to check the dog's water; Oscar had gone out the doggy door and up the tree next to where they had parked.  He dropped himself down on the door and scampered inside.
 
Once again throwing his hands up and chatting at me.  The other attendent tried to catch him but Oscar was too quick.  Once he almost had him, Oscar squeak, the guy soften his grip... Osar ran.
 
He was into every cubby hole and all over me.  He checked my mouth piece and everything.  The guy could not do anything but wait till his partner came back.  I have to get settled and then I will tell you about the excitement of getting Oscar out of the ambulance.  I laughed so hard I had tears running down my face.  I tried to tell the attendant to talk soft and his name was Oscar.  I also sent him  back into the house for a few peanuts.  Soft talk and peanuts.... gets him every time.  Oscar had to inspect everything they did.  One very intuitive attendant said, Jane, I promise to come back and see they are all okay.  He knew my worry.  He had been my first responder before with the snake bite.  I call him first responder but I know who the real first responders were.
 
Time to tell someone who the president is again.... There is something about hospital people.  They don't know who the president is or what day of the week it is.  Poor dears.  I have already had several people come in so I could back up the attendees story about Oscar.  Everyone got a big giggle out of it.
 
One nurse shook her head and said I still don't believe it.  I said to her... "There was one time I thought Benjamin Frankin invented kites too.  I learned a long time ago that  the impossible just has not been done yet.Believe me, it all happened."  She looked at me, I grinned at her, and she gave up... the giggle finally came out.  She was a tough one.
 
I have my laptop with me so will let you know about my stay as we go along.  Take care everyone.
 
All I can say is.... I have been a brat longer.  My stay was interesting.
 
Common sense would tell you that if you go to the hospital to set a broken leg that the leg would be set and you would then be sent home. Right? Nah, not these days. You gotta wear a mask first. Then you gotta know who the president is, the day of the week, your birthday, the state you are in, and how many fingers someone is holding up. After arriving at the hospital I volunteered the information that I had broken my leg. The medical nurse thinks she is being cleaver. "Now, you don't have an x-ray machine at home. Let's see what the doctor says."
 
"No, but I heard it snap when the chair fell on it." She looked at me as if I had just taken my teeth out and stuck my tongue out at her... No. Sorry, I did that in my head. She glances back at me as I take both hands and lift my leg up on the exam table where I am sitting. Leaving it dangling was beginning to be very painful. The leg had swollen to about 3 times it normal size. She jumps back and makes a profound remark.
 
"That looks bad. Do you know who the president is? What day of the week do you think it is? Let's get your blood pressure and get some blood."
 
"For a broken leg?"
 
"We have to test everyone, especially older people. You know for the virus."
 
"I understand. What has that got to do with me answering your other questions?"
 
"Just checking for any mental limitations. After all, you do have a pet squirrel. You admitted that. He attacked the emergency people."
 
"He did not. Oscar just wanted to be with me. He never attacked anyone. He may chat at them but never attack."
 
"Don't get upset... You know squirrels have rabies and carry other diseases. It can be dangerous having a rodent in the house."
 
"If you came to see me dear, you would be the only rodent in the house." She suddenly realized what I had said. Needless to say, my blood pressure went up. They tested my blood... I am fine. No virus. No infections. Finally the doctor arrives. I tell him I have a broken leg. He shakes his head in agreement.
 
"Nurse, please have Jane's leg x-rayed and let's get a picture of her right hip as well. Jane you did say you fell hard on your right side?"
 
"Yes, it still hurts. I have hip implants."
 
"I just want to examine the bones around the joint. I will be back when you come back from x-ray." He bows to me and give me a very sweet smile. I decided I like my doctor. He was very calming.
 
I get through x-ray, diagnosis... broken leg and a hairline fracture in the bone around my hip implant. I get a cast on my leg and a brace on my back. My blood pressure is off the scale. They decided to keep me. I get a bed. I go to get the remote control and the monster nurse comes in and takes it out of my hand. "Your blood pressure is up, you need to sit quite and rest. You do not need to watch TV."
 
"Could you help me get into the bathroom. This leg is heavy. This brace makes it hard for me to maneuver. "You need to do it yourself. What happens if I am not here?"
 
"I push the button and get help."
 
"No, you need to do it yourself." She was not going to help me go to the bathroom. I can't believe she was so mean. I had decided I had been a brat longer than she had. I have stated before. I look like a nice old lady... but I am not. She actually left. In my head I said, "Good."
 
I struggled but went to the bathroom. On my way back to the bed, I pulled my self over to where the remote was. I pulled myself back over to the side of the bed. Then I waited. I pushed the button and asked if they could tell me when my doctor was going to be back. I was assured he would be there in about ten minutes. I waited for five minutes. Then I slowly lowered myself to the floor, stretch out the leg with the cast on it, and hit my head a just enough on the floor to make it red and then pinched the skin real hard, closed my eyes and waited.
 
The doctor enters my room. "Oh, Jane, what happened? Why are you are the floor? He starts trying to lift me up. I started crying (it was easy because the pain was real). "Let's get you back in bed. Here let me get the remote for you. You poor lady. I am so sorry. Are you hurting?"
 
"I tried to get the nurse to help me to the bathroom and she refused. The cast is too heavy for me to maneuver my leg. She took the remote away because the TV would run my blood pressure up. I guess she had my best interest at heart."
 
"Well, we can take care of that." He calls the nurse in and in front of me tells her to put a catheter in so I don't have to get up and down on a broken leg and hip to go to the bathroom. They also gave me some pain medicine. "Now, if you want I can put on her chart that it is okay for her to have the remote. It has nothing to do with her blood pressure." He then went into the condition in which he had found me and told them to put some monitors on me because my heart rate had also increased. "She will be with us over night." This is one I did not expect. But could not stop at this point.
 
She looks at me and I smiled sweetly. She turned red in the face. "Yes, doctor, I will make sure she is taken care of."
 
As she was taking care of me I again in a very sweet voice told her she was all wrong about squirrels. I told her a little about how Oscar had become a pet after Ashley passed. I told her about how he had saved me from a burglar by telling the police where he had me tied up. I told her about some of the fun things he had done. She became a little less hostile about squirrels. I told her about how he helped us rescue the raccoons that had moved into the vacant houses. She had to leave for a while but the monster in her was on the run. I just knew it. She promised to return soon.
 
I had four meals in this place. They must have a special on green jello. I have even had it for breakfast. Yikes! I keep asking for red jello..my favorite jello. I even filled out the little menu form and said red jello. I got green. Then I sent the nurse to find out if the guy making up the trays was color blind. Then I asked for green jello... I got red. I have learned a lot in almost seven decades. I bet no one else ever figured out he was color blind.
 
My house sitter brought me my mail. It included a wonderful gift of fudge. I hid it but how delighted I was. It was so good. Four different kinds, two dark chocolate. One with peanuts and another with pecans. It was such an unexpected and enjoyed gifts I have ever had because of the timing. It really cheered me up. Earlier today four nurses came into see me. They wanted to learn more about squirrels. It seems the monster nurse had told her co-workers what I had told her about Oscar.
 
This is dangerous. I have four girls who had brought their own chairs, sitting there waiting for me to tell them a story. Dod, Oh, Dod. What do I do now?
 
"Did you ladies know that it was because of a squirrel that Maple syrup was discovered?" I asked the question and they looked at each other. A little voice came over a speaker calling one of the girls. She got on the speaker, "Yes, I am still on my break, Ryan is taking my shift for the rest of the day. Remember, no over time." She sat back down and waited for me to continue.
 
Yes, Maple syrup was discovered by the wife of a chief who had thrown his tomahawk into a tree before going to bed. She got up the next to prepare breakfast. She looked up and spotted a squirrel licking up the liquid coming out of the hole made my the tomahawk. She dipped her finger in it. Then she looked around and she saw several squirrels out licking up the liquid coming out of several trees. These Indians lived in long houses that were usually created by cutting down very large trees and hollowing them out. They also made long homes from fallen trees. When she discovered it was sweet they started using it to cure meat and to heat it and put it on many things they ate. Later, the settlers learned about the wonderful magic inside the maple trees.
 
The girls went into a whole chatter about how much they enjoyed maple syrup. Two hours later the doctor came in to tell me my blood pressure had finally gone down enough for me to go home. Rebecca, also known as monster nurse, gave me a hug. She smiled and said, "Jane you have taught me a great deal today. I will never again discount or patronize another senior citizen."
 
"Rebecca, I have accomplished my mission. It is time to go home." I had no idea Rebecca had resented her grandmother for being so needy and her mother for 'giving in' to her demands. She assured me that instead of ignoring her grandmother she would now start asking her questions and listening to her stories. A few minutes later one of the nurses came running into the room.
 
"I looked it up. Jane is right. I mean about the maple syrup. The Indians, the long houses the whole thing. That is so cool."
 
I got hugs from everyone and extra 'red jello' to take home with me. All in all... an interesting adventure. The young people today many times do not know how to treat the elders. They have not been taught. You have been a brat longer than they have... Be a good one.
 
Rather than give them a lecture on the subject, which they would tune out... Give them something to think about and wait. Be pleasant but leave them curious about what else you know. Their grand parents will thank you for the change in their grandchildren.


Submitted: November 01, 2020

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