Printer paper

Reads: 26  | Likes: 1  | Shelves: 1  | Comments: 4

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Abandoned

A husband searches for the perfect way to take care of his wife.

I sat down at my desk and adjust me chair before I turned on the computer. It took a minute for it to boot up and then I pulled up Booksie. I did a search and found the stories I was looking for. I read one after another looking for one that just felt right.

It was a few hours later when I found it. I reread it a few times just to double check. Then I turned to the printer. I pulled the paper tray and found it empty. I looked in my desk drawers and couldn’t find the ream I had just bought.

“Martha...Martha” I called for my wife.

“What do you need Herold?”

“The printer paper where is it?”

“In your bottom left hand drawer, under your magazines.”

“My magazines?” I pulled out the drawer and looked again seeing the adult magazines. “I’m just holding onto them for Carl.”

“Carl is gay dear, he wouldn’t want to look at naked women.”

I pulled the printer paper out as I cursed Carl for being gay. The next mistake I made she would throw those magazines in my face because Carl liked getting his fudge packed. I slam the drawer back into the printer and turned back to the computer.

I few seconds later the story was printing out and I snatched it off. I pulled the middle drawer open looking for a highlighter. I cursed again when I couldn’t find one.

“Martha where are the highlighters?”

“In your right hand drawer with your cigars.”

I was about to claim they weren’t mine but decided not to say anything. I pulled out a highlighter and went to work. I went through the story twice to make sure I knew everything I would need. Stuffing the pages in my pocket I started to leave, that is when it hit me and I rushed back over to clear my computer’s history.

“I’m going to run out for a bit darling.”

“Well you are out can you pick up a gallon of milk?”

“Yes dear.”


When I came in the back door Martha was sitting at the kitchen table reading.

“Did you get the gallon of milk.”

I groaned. “I forgot.”

“It is ok you were so focused on getting the stuff you need to murder me I guess.”


“You should clear the printer memory also darling. But you will have to come up with another one.”

“Why … I mean …”

“Save it, this story is good, but it just won’t work for you. Let’s start with the murder itself. Bludgeon me to death really Herold with your back. You would throw it out with the first hit and then what? Next you have to move the body to the garage or the basement. Again your back Herold.”

I dropped into the seat across from her and looked at the table top.

“Now disposing of the body, you plan to cut me up with a chainsaw. They are loud so the neighbors may just hear and wonder about that. Plus it will be spraying blood everywhere, you are going to cover everything in plastic sheeting and duck tape. Of course buying that much plastic sheeting and duck tape will leave a trail. The clean up idea of bleach and ammonia might get rid of all the blood, but you were never really good at cleaning so there will be blood left. Plus the chainsaw is going to score the cement which the police will notice.”

I pour myself a glass of the ice tea and took a drink.

“So how would you do it?”

“Simple I would just make sure you had an allergic reaction to lets say that peanut oil I put in the ice tea and once you are gone I’ll call the cops all distraught.”

I gasped as I felt my throat begin to swell shut. I tried to stand but I could barely breath.

“I told him officer he need to pick up more epee pens but he never listens to me,” I heard Martha say with a giggle as my face hit the table.

Submitted: November 04, 2020

© Copyright 2020 Zane Cooper. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:


Adam Steele

Man what a messed up relationship.

Wed, November 4th, 2020 2:57am


The is about the end of a relationship which can get messy. What isn’t in the story is the beginning when Herold and Martha loved each other.

Wed, November 4th, 2020 4:30am

Ann Sepino

Holy smokes! Martha's sharp as a whip, and Herold didn't stand a chance! I'm thinking the poor guy shouldn't have married her in the first place. Very twisted relationship indeed, but it does make for one heck of a story.

Wed, November 4th, 2020 3:14am


Maybe in the beginning they truly loved each other but in time the grow and changed until their love died. They felt trapped for some reason and only saw the death of the other as the only way out.

Wed, November 4th, 2020 4:35am

Serge Wlodarski

Good story.

Wed, November 4th, 2020 1:43pm


Thank you

Wed, November 4th, 2020 10:14am

Mark A George

Funny story. Made me laugh and that is hard to do.

Sat, November 7th, 2020 3:30am


I'm glad you liked it.

Mon, November 9th, 2020 5:07pm

Other Content by Zane Cooper

Short Story / Humor