Everything You Do, Is Returned

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic


I give respect when I get respect. I fight when I am fought. I catch on when you get caught. I don’t get respect so you don’t get shit. I block your blows when I get hit. You hit me with your fists, you hit me with your words. Words hit harder then fists ever will. But still...the pain is there...you make life not worth living...you make life unfair...yet it’s still my fault...yet it’s always me...I just wish you could hear me...I wish you could see...it’s a two way street...it’s not a sidewalk. It’s not like you can control everyone’s life...you can’t paint it with chalk. You lead your own life. Not others. You have to love each other. All your sisters and all your brothers. All your sons and all your daughters. Do not hit them with words. Do not hit them with fists. Because you never know who’s crying themselves to sleep...or slitting their wrists. And because of you I do both...not like you’d listen...no matter how hard I try to tell you, you just answer back with yelling. You make me feel like my feelings aren’t even worth telling...as my tears start to glisten...with tears...with pain...I feel like we’ve gone through this, again and again. Why do I try? Why do I bother? Why don’t I just move out and live with my father? Oh that’s right! He’s just as bad! No matter where I go, I’m equally as sad...either way I’m stuck...I’m stuck in this rut called abuse...I’m in this rut called life...because of you, all I wanna do is just pick up a knife. I tell you how I feel, especially how you make me, and you scoff and tell me to shut up and stop being so dramatic. Then you roll your eyes. Do you realize how what you say is traumatic? You don’t have to hit me. Words can leave a blow too. You leave me questioning my worth...you leave me feeling unloved...unimportant...depressed... ugly...fat...you don’t have to even say it...actions speak louder then words...and you make me feel all of these things and more...now I ask myself...like I always ask myself...”what am I alive for?”


Submitted: November 05, 2020

© Copyright 2020 RachelLeigh. All rights reserved.

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