The Ballad of Todd

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

I wrote this a million years ago, but lost the original. I've rewritten it from what I can remember. I hope you enjoy. Please share some love if you got a chuckle!

His name was Todd.

He was tall, thin, and odd.

Was a-courtin’ a lass named Jane.

They were deeply in love,

As two little doves,

But poor Jane has since gone insane.


The story is told,

Of an autumn cold.

When a visit Todd thought he should pay.

From Kanosh in a carriage,

Came he pondering marriage,

And the trip took more than a day.


Dust-covered and worn,

Looking haggard and torn,

He arrived, slim and pale as a reed.

He was sure in the light

That he must look a sight.

From her kin for a bath he did plead.


“I’ve come from Kanosh,

So please let me wash.

Scarce a moment I promise to be.

My scent will offend

‘Til my hygiene attend,

Before my fair Jane sees me.”


Jane heard he’d arrived,

A proposal contrived,

So a-hopin’ a husband to land,

Went looking for Father,

All in a bother.

Surely Todd would soon ask for her hand.


“Oh, patience, child,”

Father said as he smiled.

“If he asks me, the answer is yes!

Todd’s hardly a hulk,

But strength lies not in bulk,

And for certain this union I bless!”


Jane sat down to pout

When Todd never came out.

How much dirt can a single man gather?

“He’s preening for you,”

Said Mom, “You would too,

And he’s scarcely had time for a lather!”


When hours passed by,

Jane started to cry.

Pray, what could be taking so long?

“Please break down the door;

Oh, my heart is so sore,

And I worry there’s something gone wrong!


Father did as she bid

To find why the boy hid.

It was causing his daughter such pain.

But the tub was quite bare

Except for some hair,

Alas! Todd had slipped down the drain.


Now she keeps to her bed

Not quite right in the head,

And dreams of her love in the sewer.

All she can do

Is wail, mourn, and rue

Until she finds somebody newer.

Submitted: November 05, 2020

© Copyright 2020 Rubi Stiles. All rights reserved.

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