Paul v3

Reads: 256  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 3

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Writing and Reviewing!

Paul is stagnant. When he meets Jessica, something changes. It seems like he's starting to change. Can one person really change another person? Does anyone ever really change?

Table of Contents

Clervale's Snow

Clervale was a moderately sized city. A few miles from the beach. It's a popular travel spot; several people come through on their way no... Read Chapter

Happy birthday

12/6/16 Tuesday Paul leaned back in his chair, his face illuminated by the computer screen.  His eyes drifted to the bottom of t... Read Chapter

Hi Paul

12/7/16 Wednesday Paul was seeing her everywhere. He'd see her walking between classes. He even found out she was in his algebra clas... Read Chapter

Big deal

12/9/16 Friday "Monday will be the test on Lord of the flies," Mr. King said as he turned the projector off. "Study. If you don't ... Read Chapter

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Recent Comments

Archia

I really liked your prologue and first chapter. It’s really shown Paul’s character but also left a lot of room for him to develop more and learn more about him. I feel like you're really good at showing things and implying things without actually saying it. Like showing that Paul and Crystal are twins and that Paul has been missing school at the beginning. I think it's really clever how you got things across without explicitly saying it.
I noticed you used a lot of short sentences which can be really effective at times, but can also be a little tedious to read if there's too many because it's a lot of stops. I think linking sentences with conjunctions when two sentences are following on the same topic can be helpful in avoiding that.
There’s a lot in this which could be really interesting. I’m wondering what’s going to happen that will lead to the lead to the prologue, and I liked the subtleness of their first meeting. It wasn’t anything huge and dramatic which was really nice to read. I think it will be really interesting to see how they come to know each other more and what will happen because of it.

Fri, March 19th, 2021 1:55am

Author
Reply

Much appreciated. Sentence structure is something I struggle to find the balance in, but I'm working at it and always improving.

Thu, March 18th, 2021 10:28pm

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