Flying Medusas (short one-act play)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

A man and woman engaged in separate cell phone conversations discover they know each other from their years working in the stunt flying business. Yes, the Flying Medusas, a legendary female stunt flying outfit and look out, here they come!!!

CHARACTERS: 

RICHIE, an aircraft mechanic

LUCINDA, a stunt pilot for The Flying Medusas

ANNOUNCER'S VOICE, on tape recorder

Bare stage except for table and tape recorder. RICHIE and LUCINDA are talking into cell phones at cross purposes.

RICHIE You mean to tell me -- ?

LUCINDA What possessed them?

RICHIE Are you saying he gave it everything he could?

LUCINDA And itemized. If you had done that, put it down item by item, this would not be an issue.

RICHIE Even though, as you said --

LUCINDA Life would be indifferent. But that hardly makes a difference, indifference.

RICHIE Or differently put, even if we could make amends, the damage is done.

LUCINDA Whenever, whatever. Get clarification, that's all I'm asking.

RICHIE And it included -- get this -- a full complement of plots, grids and line extensions, not to mention bells, whistles and timely prompts.

LUCINDA The stipulation being, of course, if I liked it -- and there were no implied offers, promises or guarantees --

RICHIE That she would change that outfit, that was all I was asking.

LUCINDA No, no, I was not being indifferent, you should stress that.

RICHIE And I suppose if we were to sum it up in so many words.

LUCINDA It would all come down to -- the voodoo eye.

RICHIE The voodoo eye? (pause) The plan, of course, was to travel two to a car.

LUCINDA I hate cramped spaces.

RICHIE And we'd have to hide out for a time from the police.

LUCINDA Jammed in like sardines.

RICHIE That unless I decided to act quickly, there would be no party, there would be no good time --

LUCINDA Or as my Uncle Johnny used to put it, various are the ways of the wayward, and he was well on his way to that.

(pause)

RICHIE Okay, so I tried to make it all add up, I truly did.

LUCINDA What was bugging me, besides his callous indifference --

RICHIE But no matter how you cut it, things were looking bleak.

LUCINDA And they became possessed, I'm telling you, by some strange forces, by demons.

RICHIE Until, would you believe, the paint supply dried up.

LUCINDA They rang my doorbell. I'm not kidding you. And he was among them. And we made love there right in my bed.

RICHIE Yeah? And you think you're the only one who gets pissed off?

LUCINDA I told him, think twice, buster. You had better do some long and hard soul searching.

RICHIE And never ever buy clothes off the rack.

(beat)

LUCINDA You know, I wanted to spice up the occasion. I'm that way. Give it a little oomph, but keep it simple.

RICHIE And hit him hard with a priori assumptions, until he rocked back on his feet.

LUCINDA It was a misunderstanding, okay, but how could I get that across to him?

RICHIE "No," I said, "this booth is occupied."

LUCINDA Don't you say "no" to me, with that snide look on his face.

RICHIE But I simply insist on challenging the status quo.

(beat)

LUCINDA (generally) You know, this outfit doesn't fit me properly.

(Pause. RICHIE and LUCINDA look at each other. RICHIE points a finger)

RICHIE The Flying Medusas -- Canton, Ohio -- 1958.

LUCINDA Right.

RICHIE I would have known that face anywhere. Excuse me.

(They go back to speaking at odds into their phones)

So, too much of the conversation was getting taken up by bad or idiotic or insensitive chatter.

LUCINDA When all that was really needed was -- (She looks at him, reconsiders) 1958?

(a beat)

RICHIE (into phone) Of course, the other side of that coin is, they don't give a damn, nobody gives a damn.

LUCINDA (pointing to RICHIE) Vrrrroom! (beat) Hanger maintenance?

RICHIE (pointing back) Legendary Flying Medusas -- they were always in need of repair.

LUCINDA I remember your face, I forgot your name.

RICHIE Richie, that's my name. And you are Lucinda, see that. I got a good memory. Yeah, I remember it, in the cool darkness of the hangers, even on the warmest summer afternoons, we could hear the engines come to life -- vrroom, vrroom. The guys standin' around, sippin' coffee. . . Vrroom, vrroom, there go the Medusas, that's what we said. There they go, up, up and away. Nobody commanded the skies like the Medusas. Now, that was a long time ago. (a beat) I ever tell you, you were my idol?

LUCINDA No.

RICHIE Oh yeah. I had a big crush on you. I was sort of embarrassed to talk about it with the other guys. You were gorgeous and fearless. How can you beat a combination like that? Hey, it's really great to run into you again after all these years. And here, in the middle of nowhere. And if I may say, age hasn't dimmed your looks. Look, I gotta get back to the phone, but it was great seeing you. You see the other Medusas, you tell them Richie was asking for them.

LUCINDA I'll do that.

RICHIE I still have a crush on you. And if I didn't have all these calls to make. Hey, why don't we go for coffee?

LUCINDA Can't -- I'm busy, too. But I'm really flattered you remember me. We had our moment in the sun, the girls and me. I'll never forget it.

RICHIE (back to the phone) So I said to him, the reason you feel wounded is that you are wounded. You open yourself up too much. Now, if you accept the positive nature of things and stop trying to attack the suppositions of others, you're going to feel better about yourself.

LUCINDA (to Richie) You know, I was in love with you.

RICHIE (on phone) Wait just a sec. (to Lucinda) You what?

(She nods)

I should have known. I'm like a Boy Scout sometimes, you know -- innocent. If I had known, if I had known that, I would have hopped in the cockpit and off we'd have gone, just the two of us. Voom, right up into the clouds, loving and necking in the cockpit. Oh God, that would have been my heart's desire. Do you -- I mean now -- do you still sort of feel -- ?

LUCINDA I think I sort of do.

RICHIE Boy, age doesn't diminish, does it.

LUCINDA No, I guess all the stunts, all the loop-de-loops and curls, and the passage of time hasn't diminished my feelings one iota. Passion is passion. And while we're on the topic --

RICHIE Yes, of course I still have feelings for you. Imagine, this coming out in the open after all of these years. I'm reluctant to ask, you married?

LUCINDA Not anymore. You?

(He shakes his head)

Well come on, sailor, let's go for some coffee.

(She extends her arm -- he takes it)

RICHIE You know, you were really tops, you and the Medusas, and I'm not just saying that.

LUCINDA Of course you're not.

RICHIE You were more than a great pilot, you were love and desire. That makes all the difference. Love.

LUCINDA Desire.

RICHIE (motions) Vrroom, vrroom. You fly 'em, I fix 'em.

LUCINDA Drifting up through the stratosphere --

RICHIE Above the clouds.

LUCINDA The Medusas -- the incomparable, ineffable mistresses of the air.

(A VOICE comes over the PA system)

VOICE ON PA SYSTEM The Flying Medusas are ready. You can hear the sound of their engines warming up. The crowd is buzzing with excitement.

RICHIE (to Lucinda) Just one sec. (into phone) Certain anomalies began to appear with frightening regularity.

VOICE ON PA SYSTEM They're moving into position for takeoff --

(LUCINDA also gets on phone)

LUCINDA (into phone) Of course in life, everything has its ups and downs.

VOICE ON PA SYSTEM And they're up and airborne. The crowd is going wild. Yes, the crowd is going crazy -- the Flying Medusas are in the air!

(LUCINDA and RICHIE look heavenward)

VOICE ON PA SYSTEM They're circling and circling. Look out, look out, it looks like they're going into a nosedive -- they're going into a nosedive, they're in trouble, it looks like they're going to crash. Oh my God, oh my God, they're going to crash, they're going to crash!

(RICHIE and LUCINDA stare at each other in alarm. BLACKOUT)

END OF PLAY

(This is part of "Biff Bang, American Hero and Other Plays" collection available for purchase on Amazon, Google Books, and numerous other websites)

 


Submitted: November 10, 2020

© Copyright 2020 Ron Micci. All rights reserved.

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