When the Chipmunks Bite the Dust

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


It was a typical summer week. Plants were growing, the sun was shining (and not going to explode). Every day, my mother would work in the garden, watering the plants while my father would work in his store, taking orders from customers when all of a sudden a large group of chipmunks entered our neighborhood and very unusually dispersed around the neighborhood, destroying plants and stealing fruit, wreaking havoc everywhere.

Notes: Before you start reading, please note that this was only written by a preteenager and it could be childish and cringey, but I've sent this story to a friend of mine who introduced me to this website and he said that this was good enough to go on here so I did what he demanded and got to work.

Also there are a few formatting mistakes that I have no idea how to fix like how all of the em dashes got replaced with question marks (but that isn't too big of a problem because there was only two em dashes after all) and in some areas there are completely random automatically created paragraphs that don't even have indents. I might come back and fix them later though.

Credit to Thomas Ridgewell for asdfmovie

So with that aside, enjoy the short story :)

IT’S MOSTLY A TYPICAL DAY today. My mom worked in the garden, my dad was working in his store and me and my big brother got to read novels, watch sarcastic YouTube videos and play a few games. My bro was a bit loud in his room as he was playing a pretty intense game. For a few, it might’ve seemed like he was shouting at himself for motivation, but the guy was actually in a call, and you couldn’t hear it since he was a headphone user.

“No, go to the other lane!” he demanded, keeping the exact same plain expression on his face.

It seemed like his friends who were playing with him were doing something stupid and abandonned him. I’ve decided that since he’s been playing for more than an hour, it’d probably be healthy to ask him when the round was going to finish, so I walked up to his room, tiptoeing so that he doesn’t think that someone’s gonna immediately turn off the computer.

“Hey, uh, when’s the round gonna finish?” I took a glance at his screen, and it seemed like he was destroying some red crystal, so I considered that he was almost finished.

“Just give me three minutes,” he responded, too occupied to make eye contact, “and can you go? I’m trying to focus on this. It’ll take longer if you stay.”

“Um okay?” I looked over at my room, closed my bro’s door and started walking towards it.

I’ve figured that I could do my own thing now. I’ve already read my daily twenty pages of my novel and I didn’t want to spoil tomorrow’s share, so I’ve decided not to read. Hanging out with my brother any longer would be even more awkward than it was just a minute ago, so I’ve decided to watch some funny videos to entertain myself. I found a new addition to one of my favorites in YouTube comedy shorts, so I’ve decided to watch some of that.

“Hey, dad, I’m hungry.” a girl in the short I was watching stated.

“Hi Hungry I’m dad.” a man replied, smirking at his own bad pun.

“Why did you name me like this?” the girl sighed, when the phone started to ring.

It was just one of my aunts calling. She calls a lot just to know how and what everyone’s doing, just chatting about life, but I make sure that I’m listening carefully in case she ever says something important, which doesn’t happen all that rarely.

“Hello?” my mom called, making sure she wasn’t too late to answer.

“Hello, Shimi.” my aunt replied, seeming to have a lower and quieter voice than usual.

I’ve almost completely forgotten to mention that my mom’s nickname was Shimi. I have no idea what that even means, but for some reason, her friends tend to call her that instead of her actual name, which is a name that I can’t define, either. I just call her by her occupation affecting me.

“How are you doing?” my mom started straightening her mouth and aligning her eyes, “Are you possibly feeling a bit down today?”

“Yes, a bit.” she declared, seemingly moving her window’s curtains.

“Why?” my mom asked sharply, “What seems to be causing that?”

“Oh, well,” my aunt wheezed, probably looking at something that potentially irritates her, “these chipmunks have gotten into our garden, which isn’t necessarily the rarest thing, but they’re chewing off some of the stems of my plants and taking the fruit and vegetables.”

Now my problem with this is that I love eating fruits and vegetables fresh from our garden. It saves money, and it tastes juicy in salads, and it’s just nice to know that we made the growth of that food possible, but if the chipmunks come to our garden any time soon, they’d take it all away and we’d have to spend more money on things that were imported from other countries, making them not as fresh as they would if we took it from our garden.

The good part, however, is that although we live in the same neighborhood, our neighborhood is quite big and my aunt lives about a half kilometer away from us and I could educate myself about what these chipmunks do all I want before they come. I bet a half kilometer is a pretty far distance for the chipmunks considering how small they are compared to us human beings, so I expect them to take about a week to get from my aunt’s house to our house, so I have about a week to prepare myself and learn how to prevent them from coming, and although that’s a pretty long time, I’ll still think about how I could’ve spent my time.

After hearing my aunt and my mom talking about that for a while, just in case, I’ve decided to go downstairs to the first floor, get one glance at the garden and try to find space in my mind for the memory, and then I gone back upstairs to my room, lied down on my bed, and relaxed to think about positive things in life to try to reduce the lethality of my thoughts of the chipmunks.

The chipmunks won’t destroy everything, I thought, staring at the ceiling like it teased me.

She was kidding. She just wanted to give us a little thrill.

I could recall the good times; the times when I was younger. We had a playground in our backyard with a blue slide and two swings next to it as well. Every time our aunt came over, she brought her son and daughter, too. I was about four when this would happen frequently. We would go to the backyard and play tag, but since I was the youngest in the group (my brother and male cousin were three years older than me and my female cousin was six years older than me), I would get scared of everyone else and try to run for my life when someone was targeting me. On this one particularly horrible day, though, I think there was heavy wind, and it damaged the playground so much that it was too dangerous to keep, so we had to move it away. Now, I’d do anything to go back to the days when our backyard was still like that.

Suddenly, a gust of wind came by, giving the plants a little push, which brought me back to reality and started giving me an even more uncomfortable feeling about the chipmunks chomping our plants down.

I shouldn’t be a little baby about this. There’s no way chipmunks could chomp off that many plants.

I’ve been continuing to try to dismiss negative thoughts about the chipmunks ruining our garden for a while, and I’ve kept on doing it until it was too late.

JUST THE NEXT DAY, I woke up, brushed my teeth, walked downstairs and looked out the window only to figure out that a big group of chipmunks got into our garden, ripping off plant stems, taking away all the fruit and vegetables. It was just like how my aunt described it to be like; they were wreaking havoc in our garden, and all we could do was just watch our garden being demolished.

I really wish I’ve actually listened to myself once in my life because the garden right now would make me look like some total poser. If I’ve researched enough and if I didn’t end up wasting my time thinking about random benefits, I would’ve found a way to stop the chipmunks from coming in and I could’ve saved my family some money, but I’ve already decided to be lazy and give my future a Dude, no at the wrong time.

On the other hand, though, it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to us. Some communist group could’ve gotten promoted and this country would’ve became communist at this moment somehow, and although it could take a while, we could regrow all the plants in our garden so I turned to the opposite side of the window and started walking away, giving the chipmunks one last dirty look before doing my own thing.

Greedy pests. I whispered to myself before going to my room.

Something stopped me as I went up the first stair, though. I started flashbacking at how I felt when my aunt first explained the behavior of the chipmunks. I felt a little bit of hopelessness since they were going to steal from us, but if I felt so uneasy about it in the beginning, there’s no way I should just ignore it in the end because in this world, theft isn’t okay, especially when you think nobody is going to notice it, so I started walking back.

After a while of watching the chipmunks wreak havoc in our garden, I had a pretty strange feeling. I had an urge for revenge and to show them who’s boss, but at the same time, I’ve actually found the chipmunks to be a bit funny. There was this one time when the chipmunks were getting a bit tired of pulling and decided to throw acorns at some of the tomato plants in order to get the fruit, but one chipmunk, who I’ll call Johnny, wanted to give a chipmunk that I’ll call Bobby, an acorn, but Bobby was already holding an acorn. I could imagine a dialogue between them that gone like this:

“Hey, Bobby, can you nuke that plant with this bomb (acorn)? I put the bomb in my mouth so that it weighs more.” Johnny shouted as saliva dripped from his acorn bomb.

“First of all, ew, you’re a total weirdo,” Bobby exclaimed in a quick, sarcastic way, “and second of all I already have this nuke right here. Are you blind or what?”

“Dude just take this and forget about the useless one in your hands.” Johnny sighed, slowly moving his arm to the side.

“Okay I would’ve taken this plant down by now and we could’ve got this darn?” Bobby stopped, Johnny didn’t care and let the wet acorn go and hit Bobby. He tumbled off the leaf he was on and was covered in a gooey liquid.

That was only one of the least funny ones, though. Another time, a chipmunk literally spat another chipmunk for not helping him chew off an eggplant. The other chipmunk purposely fell and ran away and then started teasing other chipmunks for not helping him.

I started shifting to the other side of this strange emotion, though. I wanted to grab all of these chipmunks, take them for a walk as I grab them from the necks, and throw every single one to the nearest outdoor trash can like how I did with unneeded material in third grade, but the first problem with that is that it would be really hard since they’re small creatures, and second of all, I’m not completely sure about this one, but unlike doing it with normal trash, doing this with chipmunks could be considered animal abuse, which is illegal.

We could just call animal control, but I bet they’re already occupied with our neighbors, so we really didn’t have much to do, until my strange mix of emotions got under control. I’ve decided that I would go out, but I wouldn’t do anything with the chipmunks.

So I started moving along according to my plan. So that nobody would notice, I tiptoed again, opened our patio door and went to the backyard. Luckily, as soon as the chipmunks saw me, they ran away, fleeing from our garden, seemingly trying to go to another neighbor’s garden.

I really wish somebody told me that it was this easy to avoid them. If I’ve listened to myself and done my research, zero plants would’ve been destroyed whatsoever, but again, I think I was just too much of an idiot to do that.

“Welp, now that I have nothing to worry about,” I whispered, quietly enough for nobody to hear, “I can get the most out of my day right now.”

Gratitude started filling me up, forcing my past frown to turn upside down. I’ve defeated the annoying troublemakers somehow, but other people are going to have to experience them, so I haven’t completely wiped them out, but I’m just glad that I didn’t have to see that disaster happening again.

Surprisingly enough, it’s almost been a week since those chipmunk jerks invaded our garden, and we actually started to live normally for a bit. Heck, it was actually a bit better than normal. Since the chipmunks practically obliterated half of our garden, we need to go out more and plant seeds in order to replace all the damaged and dead plants, and we have to go shopping for the new seeds, and unlike some other people, I was more than just okay with shopping.

One of multiple things that I can’t understand in life is why some people utterly hate shopping. Sure, there are a few lines of people who you need to wait for before you could purchase your stuff, but you shouldn’t go whining like a total moron about it. You need to have a bit of patience in yourself to live a good life. Other people need to shop, too and they have a life just like how we do, so we should probably respect their needs as well as our own.

The thing that I like about shopping is that it makes me feel like a kid again, and not some random preteenager wanting to redo life. When I was a small child (not exactly small because for my age I was almost a foot taller than an average person my age, and still am), we gone shopping in every once in a while, and I’d always ask my mom to buy Cars toys that I already had until the funds needed to purchase what my mom actually wanted gone up by twenty dollars, and whenever I go to our local Dollarama or any shop close to it, it’d tend to remind me of my childhood there and how I used to spend time there.

In the meanwhile, I was at my house reading my daily twenty pages of my novel in my room with my door closed, peacefully and undisturbed. I started looking out my window to check how it was outside, and it seemed like it wasn’t the best time to work in the garden since there wasn’t that much sunlight at all, but it would be a pretty good time to go out and get some stuff for the garden. Just then, my big brother opened the door to my room.

“Wanna play some Sma?”

“Preoccupied.” I interrupted, wanting some more privacy as I was reading.

“Um okay?” my brother mimicked my past awkward moves when I first went to his room, which made his situation even more awkward.

His awkwardness made me want to put reading later and get out of my comfort zone and suggest going to Dollarama to my mom, so I walked out of my room, walked down the stairs leading to the first floor, and was about to tell mom about my idea, but it turns out that she’s already got my idea before I did myself.

As for right now, I’ve decided to actually listen to my past self and learn about the behavior of the chipmunks because anything could happen to the garden any second now, and I’ll need to prepare for it, so I walked down to the basement, sat on my desk’s chair and started researching.

Apparently, no chipmunk was supposed to do something like that. Chipmunks were supposed to live in burrows and they only collect food from places away from their predators, and I’ve figured that either these chipmunks had a very high stupidity level or the chipmunks thought that there was supposed to be some sort of burrow in gardens. I guess I could cope with the weird fact that these chipmunks try to find burrows in backyards and not an area that’s not occupied because it probably isn’t as developed where the others live and since they’re small and fast, they’d probably think that we were too slow to catch them and threaten them, which is something that we’d either not do at all or only do indirectly.

Something that’s also quite apparent is the fact that these people on Google who don’t get these problems even tend to call these chipmunks “friendly” while them invading gardens like that. In the expected search results under the search bar, it literally suggested “why are chipmunks so friendly” and “why are chipmunks so cute” and it started to redden my face more than it needed to. Then I searched up “why are chipmunks coming into my garden” and no search suggestions came up, which was totally essential to my mental health.

Although there weren’t any search suggestions, there were still some results as I hit enter, but most of the results were from websites that I had no idea about, except for one from the University of Vermont, but I’ve already decided that short texts would be better since they save more time and I’ve took information from a university as too long for now. I clicked on a link to an article on a website that I had no idea about, but one that didn’t seem sketchy either. Then, I clicked on my extension to clarify and make sure I was right about it not being sketchy. There were only a few trackers, which literally every website has nowadays. There were no scams, types of malware, phishing or PUPs, so I decided to read a bit of it.

That website gave me a pretty clear solution to all of this ruckus. It turns out that chipmunks absolutely hate strong smells from things like cinnamon or eucalyptus, but it seems like I had second thoughts on that as well.

What sort of idiotic person would put cinnamon sticks around their garden? I mumbled silently, barely keeping my eyes open, but thinking that was pretty much not an option in a situation like the one we’re in with the chipmunks.

If cringing at the plan up until the point that I actually decide to do it for the sake of science didn’t work, then I’d have to start getting to work right away. I looked for both cinnamon and eucalyptus, but I couldn’t find anything, so it looks like the plan was a failure.

Just then, I heard what sounded like somebody using a key. Then the front door creaked open. It was my mom, who just came back from shopping in Dollarama. She got a few plant seeds, and that was when I remembered that those existed and we could regrow the plants, but we didn’t plant them yet since the weather wasn’t good for gardening, so we just had to wait another few hours until the next day, when we could hopefully plant some of the seeds.

IN THE NEXT DAY when we could hopefully plant some of the seeds, it was a day of doom for our garden, which is not a good day to plant seeds. The chaos causing chipmunks have done it in our garden, except twenty-seven times worse. It wasn’t even funny anymore. It used to be the chipmunks staring at each other and scolding each other a little bit but now it’s just straight up violence and chaos. The chipmunks got as many things as possible and started trying to destroy everything with them, and I’m pretty sure that includes the other chipmunks as well.

There was also a group of birds in our neighborhood. There were always a few birds in our neighborhood that came by, but some unusual numbers of them came towards the mess the chipmunks were making. All of the chipmunks were so hot headed that this one chipmunk, who I’ll name Ihatetranquility, decided to throw an unripe tomato at one of the birds. The bird immediately flew away, but then started gliding closer to the chipmunks.

The bird who got attacked shouted out a loud noise, alarming some of the other birds nearby and it was until then when the chipmunks have realised that they made the most gigantic mistake they could ever make in their lives. The chipmunks suddenly froze for a few seconds and slowly backed away. For each inch the chipmunks backed away, the birds charged forward, giving them dirtier eyes. Once, the chipmunks started running, but the birds charged faster and one of the birds gave out a large shriek of irritation.

I’m really glad Ihatetranquility decided to be such a no brainer because that saved the garden’s life and made the birds use it to their advantage. Ihatetranquility did disturb the birds, though, and they could’ve had a perfectly peaceful day instead of wasting their time on a random garden. 

In the background, my mom couldn’t stop bursting out random ha ha noises. She saw this war as funny, which was just wrong. I thought she liked her garden as it was a food source and since it was calming, but in the last invasion, she didn’t laugh at all. Not even a single snicker.

I turned around, looking at her straight in the eye.

“Okay, this isn’t funny,”  I asked, not moving an inch from my current state. “why are you laughing like that?”

Right after I asked her about it, she bursted out even more, ignoring my question otherwise. Suddenly, I heard quick banging noises near the patio door. Without my intent, my body started sprinting towards the door like somebody was stuck in the ruckus.

All of the chipmunks other than Ihatetranquility were trying to find an exit somewhere, and they thought the patio door’s glass was some opening where they could escape, but Ihatetranquility wasn’t that dumb anymore and figured that it was a barrier. Ihatetranquility was trying to fight for the demolition of the garden, and somehow he was still standing, but there was already a large group of birds swirling around him, one of them was even standing on him. Ihatetranquility started very furiously raging at the birds, but he only got the one sitting on him down and that bird fled the backyard in a few spare seconds and started flying for his life.

The other birds were pretty smart, though. They flew above him as Ihatetranquility was trying to get them once and for all, but the birds always swooped down and hit him with their sharp wings (don’t worry Ihatetranquility wasn’t hit with the sharp parts) whenever he let his guard down. 

Eventually after being punished enough, Ihatetranquility found a long plant that he thought he could probably go on and use as an advantage. He seemed to screech in chipmunk language and all the others came over, finding their own place. The group of birds swooped down at Ihatetranquility and at some of the other chipmunks. Then it happened. The chipmunks tried to get revenge by jumping up, grabbing the birds and throwing them onto the road where they were helpless, but the clever birds flew out of the garden, making the chipmunks chase them out of the garden, but it was only then when they figured out that they were trapped for good. The birds defended the backyard like they owned it. Since now they were having war outside the garden, I rushed upstairs to see what was happening. My mom was still “hopelessly laughing” but a bit quieter now. I could see an imaginary dialogue between these total animals that went like this:

“You people are disgusting, spitting on acorns and throwing them at plant stems. Who would teach their children this?” a bird exclaimed in other-weird-animal-language.

“Same goes with you.” Ihatetranquility argued, keeping his arrogance equivalent to his stance.

“Well prove it. What makes us nearly as disgusting as you?” some of the birds and chipmunks started moving their feet without intent. Soon enough it was only the brave bird, who I’m gonna call Lifesaver, and Ihatetranquility still standing.

“You don’t eat,” Ihatetranquility ridiculed like he just came up with a good roast, “that’s what makes you disgusting.”

“WHAT. What in this world would even make you come UP with the idea that we don’t ea?”

“Because you interrupt others when they’re eating and getting food, genius.” Ihatetranquility interrupted, making an as-confident-as-ever smirk.

“Okay, LISTEN here you giraffe. I could’ve EATEN you if I wanted to. You’re lucky that you’re even ALIVE.” Lifesaver yelled as loud as ever...





Luckily enough (and sort of unfortunately because the dialogue was pretty ironic), the fight went outside the park meaning that both the chipmunks and the birds were gonna stay away from the garden for a while so for now, at least, I get to enjoy myself and update myself to the moment.

Since my mom didn’t see what was happening outside the garden, she wasn’t laughing, but of course since I was watching, you know what happened with me.

After I finished howling at the geniuses (as Ihatetranquility stated), I’ve just come to realize that since I went downstairs to tell my mom about my plan at Dollarama yesterday, I’ve completely forgotten about finishing my daily twenty pages of my novel, so I figured that it would be an outstanding idea to help myself to the story.


Submitted: November 16, 2020

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In one word, horrible.

Mon, November 16th, 2020 7:46pm

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