It Is All About The Goats

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

A six-year old's interruption of the scriptures.

I lived in an orphanage for the first few years of my life.  I had never attended church or even heard about God until after I was adopted.  I was adopted when I was five so this all took place after about a year.
 
My new parents had introduced me to Jesus, God, and church.  I loved the bible stories.  I took it all very seriously.  I also, as you have gathered by now, took everything I heard literally.
 
I was asked to go to church with one of the kids in kindergarten.  It was a Christian church but different from ours.  I was six.
 
I came home from the service and informed my family our preacher did not know anything.  The real God's name was Howard, and his son had 3 holy goats.   It does not have anything to do with Jesus.  It is all about the goats.  They really get excited about the goats. My grandmother laughed so hard her tummy quivered and tears were coming down her face.  My mother and father did not laugh out loud but I saw that they were restraining themselves.  My father chuckled a bit as he listened to my interpretation of what I had learned.
 
I almost repeated the sermon word for word including the, "Our Father, Howard be thy name...."  And they end by praying in the name of the father, the son, and the holy goats.  We only pray in the name of Jesus.  I think the more you got working on a problem the better off you are.  Can we get some holy goats?  I will have to ask Howard for at least one.  Every time my new mommy would try to explain it to me I would just say, "Please do not worry, I am going to talk to Howard about it tonight."
,
This is a true story.  I also remembered to tell our preacher what I told my parents and repeat what I thought I had heard.  For a period of time, I prayed to Howard.  My sister still called him Dod.  I also prayed for goats.  It was all about the goats... I was sure of that.


Submitted: November 16, 2020

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