Blue Grandpa (A little racy)

Reads: 8  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Grandpa is just full of 'good' advice!

Billy drank the last little bit of sugary milk out of his cereal bowl.  Mom looked up from her paper and stared at her boy for a moment.  He was handsome like his father, and would certainly break some hearts some day.  He was a junior in high school with just days before summer vacation started.  “How are you going to spend your day sweetheart?” she said as he walked his bowl and spoon over to the kitchen sink.  “Normal Saturday stuff” was his reply.  “Your grandfather” she started before he cut her off.  “Got to study for finals Mom”, he groused as he tried to walk away from her.  “You’ll visit your grandpa at the nursing home today, and I don’t want to hear any argument”, she growled, sensing that she needed to lay down the law to her unenthusiastic offspring.  It was important to her that he, at least, make an effort to get to know his grandpa a little better before he passed on.  The man had been in the nursing home for a few years and the boy hadn’t taken any interest in him at all.

Billy walked into the facility and instantly recoiled from the scent of disinfectant and urine.  He wanted to turn around and walk right back out, but resisted the temptation.  He remembered his grandpa being quite a character back in the day, and that mom and dad were constantly angry at him for being quite outspoken.  Some of the things he said!  He couldn’t seem to help himself, making his children wonder if he had something wrong in his head. 

There were four long hallways leading away from the desk he checked in at.  One of the attendants pointed toward the hall that would lead the young man to his kin.  Billy entered the old man’s room and saw that he was staring blankly up at the ceiling.  “How are you grandpa” he said as he pulled a chair up to the side of the bed.  Grandpa didn’t bat an eye at the friendly question posed by his grandson.  Billy felt uncomfortable after a few minutes of watching the old man stare into the abyss.  He couldn’t believe he wasted part of his Saturday morning coming here to be ignored by the old bastard.  The mall and, hopefully, a little first base with hot Jenny McClusky was ‘calling his name’, so he got up and put the chair back before trying one more time to communicate with his mom’s father.  “What kind of advice do you have for a kid like me?” he said and laughed at the near comatose old man staring at ceiling tiles.  Suddenly, his grandfather actually turned his head toward the boy and cleared his throat.  The look on his face was a little manic, and he began to say loudly:

Don’t you waste your manhood!

Or spend too little time!

You get to be my age!

Plumbing’s not worth a dime!

 

Get it good and hard!

Stick it into some girl’s ‘fun’!

Wait a little while!

Then, find another one!

 

Find a good woman!

Take her for a ride!

Then hook up with her sister!

Let your penis be your guide!

 

Grandma was my great love!

I settled and was done!

I wish I sowed a lot more oats!

That kind of farming’s so much fun!

 

Use it before you lose it!

Plant it everywhere you can!

Take your Grandpa’s word boy!

In just a blink you’ll be an old man!

Billy couldn’t believe what had come out of his boring, mostly conservative grandfather’s mouth.  A former deacon at the Methodist church, and a devoted father to his mom, he had to be of diminished capacity to go on a tirade like that.  Suddenly an old lady in a wheel chair burst into his ‘papas’ room.  “He’s awake?!?” she said as she showed off her newest set of pearly white dentures.  Grandpa was also smiling as he looked at his ‘still in shock’ grandson and said, “Nice to see you boy; it's time to go!”

This place if full of ladies!

And, though my fucking days are done!

Around this place, they stand in line!

For a joy ride on my tongue!

Billy bolted from his grandfather’s room and hurried down the hallway.  As he went, he passed two other ladies wheeling towards the soon to be ‘geriatric Sodom and Gomorrah’ with broad smiles on their faces.  A woman using a walker was lagging behind.  He gagged a little as he walked out of the building, but smiled when a verse came to him.

Going to the mall

To make my pecker happy

Gonna use it day and night

While its young, hard, and snappy!


Submitted: November 19, 2020

© Copyright 2020 wellokiguess. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:

Other Content by wellokiguess

Short Story / Romance

Short Story / Romance

Short Story / Romance