Introversion

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Being introvert was something I have always hated about myself. I wanted to be an extrovert instead and I tried to copy extroverted people' characteristics and take them as a model since I thought it is the ideal personality that I should possess. Eventually I realized that each one of us is unique in his own nature, personality and character.

 
I have never thought of my personality till I became a teenager, I was around 12 or 13. I knew that I am emotional and stubborn, but never thought that I am considered as an introvert. I loved being alone most of my time, I thought that I behave this way due to the changes and issues I have experienced during 2010, but no, soon I realized that I behave this way because I am more introverted. I am not antisocial at all, I feel that I am more social than most extroverts I know. Socializing with new people is easy but letting people in my circle is not, and this’s because I am -as introvert- not so open to people, even to the closest ones. I have realized that literally no one knows who I am. I love analyzing how people think, speak, act and react. It has been a hobby but annoying hobby when it comes to etiquette. I thought that being introvert is an issue but then I started to see the perks of it. Being introvert makes me workaholic girl, by boosting my energy. I used to get annoyed when people are saying that I am hardworking and workaholic type because it made me feel like I am not intelligent enough to achieve what I want and I need to work harder, I used to underestimate my abilities for so long due to this misconception. Eventually, I realized that abilities come from hardworking and I should never underestimate myself or my achievements regardless the way I used to reach them. Being workaholic and under stress reduces my constant anxiety. I LOVE being introvert, it what pushes me to be independent, it what motivates me to learn everything I want, it what makes me less vulnerable. Introversion is HEALING. 
Introversion makes me feel like an outcast sometimes; I cry but no one sees me, they can see others crying but not me. I am compassionate towards everyone but no one sees it, they would see others sympathy. I am suffering but no one knows or cares, but I see them caring about others suffering. It’s like I am invisible; perhaps because I hide my feelings instead of showing them and I expect people to be able to read me without having to speak, although I wrote once in "My Life's Messages" publication that we need to speak up. Unfortunately it is something I am failing to do. Bad habit I can never fix. I once asked a close friend who is an introvert as well if she ever felt that no one truly knows her including her closest people, she responded: "No one even half knows me". I felt relieved that someone in this world can understand me. Whenever I speak to her about an issue I am facing, she would be able to read between the lines what I am trying to say even when I speak indirectly. Having such a friend is a blessing.
One advantage of being introvert is that it makes me less exposed to negative effect coming from people by spending most of my time alone and selecting people whom I want to spend most of my time with. Introverts are selective, i.e. they spend little time with family members they don’t necessarily like, they try to stay in contact with whom they like. Whenever I feel I’m being affected negatively, I pull away. It is something like immunity; to protect myself.
TBC


Submitted: November 21, 2020

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