Chapter 2: Kelly and Spencer

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 48

Kelly and Spencer

 

The guy who is getting all these views on his Youtube, is Kelly. Ya!  Kelly is the guy in the relationship and Spencer is the chick.  Fucking wild.  I get unisex names, it’s cool, but like, these two totally took that and flipped it all up.  Obviously it wasn’t planned, they met and sparks flew and it happened, and love is beautiful and all that, but dude had to go back to his friends at some point and was like “I totally made out with Spencer last night.  You remember Spencer, from the bar last night.  Ya, totally banged Spencer, bro!”  Sounds like he met some frat bro, but hey, this is all tangent, everyone is free to do what they want with their sexuality, it’s all good.  Fuck, I know I am just digging myself in a hole now, I mean well, it just popped in my head.  I will move on, chill out. 

 

So I went to Darby and met Kelly and Spencer.  They were a super cool couple, way down to earth, love hiking and camping.  Kelly is a photographer, and that is what his Youtube channel is all about.  He video records his outings and teaches people about lighting and, whatever the hell, and people like it.  And his work was really good, like, real life Bob Ross painting.  I like Bob Ross, that’s what that shit looked like to me so fuck off.  Spencer worked in a flower shop, it seemed to fit her.  She told me how she decorated their house and it was all very… DIY.  together they would make tables and other furniture.  You could tell they painted their rooms themselves, like not totally knowing what they were doing, a lot of blemishes, but honestly, it fit them as a couple.  They, just, fit.  I remember seeing these bottles on the wall, some old whiskey bottles, and Spencer would throw flowers in them and she would frame the bottles.  It was very Spencer.  Anyone else and I would have hated them for doing that, but again, it just seemed like her, in a good way.

 

So I get to their house, again a nice, cozy place.  I remember driving down their long dirt driveway, and watching all these woodland creatures scurrying away, like I was fucking Cinderella in my pumpkin carriage.  Not fucking Cinderella, like having intercourse with her, I mean as an adjective, not a verb. Anyway, I park and Kelly comes out the front door first and he is wearing his flannel shirt with his beanie and shaggy beard and Spencer comes out wearing some short shorted overalls, and hat shaped in a circle, I don’t even know what to call it.  They look like some hipsters, which there are a bunch in Santa Barbara, where I went to school, and if I saw these two back home, I would be so annoyed by them.  Fucking hipsters, dude.  But Kelly and Spencer, they were the real deal, living out in the woods and shit, I didn’t ask them, but I don’t think they even knew about hipsters.  In Montana, people are the real deal, man.  They drive around with guns and have bears and other big ass animals that will maul and eat your ass.  These two, they cut down trees to make shit, like cut down trees, yo.  To make their own shit.  They would hunt and butcher deer and elk and live off that stuff all year.  When they washed their clothes they would hang them up outside to try, like Little House on the Prairie kinda stuff.  They didn’t even have a dishwasher!  Naw, they were they real deal, not some fucking, hipster couple.

 

I get in the house and Kelly offers me some coffee, and I am feeling worn out from driving and accepted the offer.  This dude does it all in a pot on his stove like a cowboy, real deal status.  The grounds are some concoction that Spencer came up with, delicious as hell. 

 

Again, I know you want to hear about this angel and demon stuff, but I am setting it all up, chill out.  We are about to get into some of that now, so, just, relax. I will skip all the small talk and pleasantries and get into the story now.  Here is their story.

 

Kelly tells me they were hiking in the middle of fucking no where, which was called Selway-Bitterroot Wilderness, I will just call it SBW, if I have to type it again, because that shit is too long.  So they are in SBW, see, good thing I shortened that shit, and Kelly is loving what he is  seeing about the sky, something about the nitrogen in the atmosphere, I don’t know.  He could have been talking out of his ass, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt, I’m not Bill Nye.  Long story short, Kelly believes it is going to be a beautiful sunset, and he found a lake and he tells me something about depth, using trees and the lake and some mountains, and he wants to get this shot when the sun is setting and reflecting off of the lake.  Honestly, I saw the picture, it was a really gorgeous picture.  Was it worth dying for?  They almost did, I wouldn’t say that, but it was a good picture.  They kept it hung up in their living room, as it is a real good conversation starter to say the least.

 

Like I said, Kelly wants this photo, and Spencer is nervous.  They aren’t hiking in Bla Bla Bla National Park, with rangers and campsites and some roads here and there with the Brady Bunch running around taking pictures.  Remember, the W in BSW stands for mother fucking wilderness.  They are in the wilderness!

 

Kelly reassures Spencer and convinces her it’s no problem, that he knows the way back to the truck.  Plus he is a legit, ass mountain man, and to be fair, so is Spencer.  They could probably hack some trees down and build a goddamn log cabin if needed.  And in hindsight, Kelly did know his shit, he was being honest, but no one, I mean no one, could have planned for what they were going to experience.

 

The sun is going down and Kelly gets the shot and they pack up, they head out.  Spencer tells me it is getting dark now and she is feeling creeped out.  She is not scared of the dark, and doesn’t even feel lost, but she feels like she is being watched.  She can’t shake this sense that there are eyes on her, she calls them “evil eyes.”  She gets this knot in her stomach, like she is going to throw up, she feels her heart start getting faster and she just wants to run, but also like she just wants to sob, but she isn’t even sad.  Really freaky stuff.

 

At some point, Kelly starts getting these same heebie jeebies, and he tells me he starts feeling anxious.  He hunts, like he isn’t against killing an animal, but Kelly is a really chill, and nice guy, I can’t imagine they dude ever getting in any kind of altercation with anyone or being violent to be violent.  This guy, now, is feeling fight or flight, and he is with his girl, so he can’t just run, so he takes out his fucking hatchet out of his pack, and he is ready to throw down with whatever it is that is watching them.  Stalking them.

 

Kelly tells me they start walking faster, they are freaking out now, they are both verbally expressing to one another that shit is fucked up.  Spencer tells Kelly to tell me about the voices, and he does.   Apparently, Spencer didn’t hear them, but Kelly starts hearing a whispering voice all around him, just whispering his name.  These voices were antagonizing, threatening, they made his skin crawl, like he had bugs squirming around in his ears.  This feeling brings him to his knees, he is losing it, they can’t keep moving on.  They stop and after a few seconds, the voices stop and Kelly collects himself.  They both say the intense feeling they shared was now nowhere near as bad.  Spencer talked about how she felt mentally and physically exhausted, saying she was seeing stars like people do right before they pass out.  So she sat down next to Kelly to keep from fainting.  They both collect themselves, but then this wolf steps out in front of them.

 

A fucking wolf.  I ask if there is a whole pack, because, you know, it’s a pack animal.  I watch Discovery channel.  Kelly says no, just the one.  I think, not so bad, two full grown adult humans and one stupid wolf, tense but be big and loud and it should run, right? Wrong.  Not when that bitch stands up and starts talking.  You read that right, this fucking wolf stands the fuck up and starts talking, according to Kelly and Spencer. 

 

At this point, I am thinking they are on drugs.  I do not believe a damn thing they are telling me and I am worried I am about to trip balls off Spencer’s coffee.  But I don’t trip balls and I keep listening.

 

Kelly tells me how the wolf, which by the way, I ask “like a werewolf?” and he looks at me like I’m crazy.  This guy. Thinking I’m crazy.  Whatever.  He tells me this wolf starts giving him an ultimatum.  If Kelly takes that hatchet in his hand and turns Spencer into little bite-size pieces, he will make him the most famous photographer of the decade.  He will take pictures that will change lives, inspire.  He will travel anywhere, everywhere, in the world and his passion will bring him fortune and fame.  In the middle of BSW, no one would even find her body, and the wolf would make sure no consequence would ever come.

 

As I am telling you the story now, it is obvious that Kelly does not turn that hatchet on Spencer and she is in fact, quite her whole self and still very much alive.  I still get christmas cards from them and talk to them pretty regularly.  As you may be wondering, I ask them the same question, “how the hell are you alive today?”  But of course, at the time, I assume they are simply lying, but I was there anyway, therefore I played along.

 

Kelly, in all his glory and girly name, stands in front of Spencer to protect her.  Dammit, I know it’s a unisex name, it just tickles me is all.  The irony.  He is a big mountain man and she is a little sweetheart and the names are flipped and this dude is standing up to a goddamn werewolf basically, and all the while his name is Kelly.  It doesn’t bother me, it doesn’t offend me, I love this dude, he is awesome, it is simply funny.  I digress, he posters up, ready to fight this werewolf, but not a werewolf, thing with his mountain man hatchet and viking beard, like Ragnar Lothbrok ready to go to party with Thor in Valhalla.  They say this thing laughs and it just fucking hits them with that same intense feeling they felt before, but like, a thousand times worse.  They crumble in agony, in fear, in despair, in complete, utter hopelessness.  But then he comes.

 

Jokingly, I ask him if it is Van Helsing, but he doesn’t get it.  Spencer explains it to him and again he doesn’t comprehend why I think it is a werewolf.  The conversation moves on.  It’s not Van Helsing, but he tells me it is a man, shining bright.  So bright they are blinded, like legit blinded they tell me.  They do not know what this bright guy does, bright like a lightbulb, but whatever it is they are saved.  The werewolf, but not werewolf, thing leaves.

 

And yes, you are probably reading this like “what the fuck, Theo?  That’s it? How did this guy save them?  Did they at least hear anything?  What was the wolf about?  Why chop up Spencer?  Is Kelly and Spencer still blind?”

 

Hold on, no, they did not find out the details, yes, there wasn't much to tell, the “angel” explained it, no they are not.  Now lets elaborate.

 

These same questions went through my head and even though I barely studied journalism at a city college, I was not a complete idiot about it.

 

Kelly and Spencer could not see, but they heard a quick conversation between the two.  They knew the voices, like, if you think about what a werewolf would sound like, it pretty much sounded like that, and then by the process of elimination, it was straight forward which voice belonged to the lightbulb guy.  They both went back and forth telling me the rest. 

 

They called this lightbulb, bright guy an angel, so I will continue sharing their story referring to this guy as just that.  So this angel comes and blinds the shit out of them and, Spencer says, he refers to this werewolf, but not a werewolf, thing by name.  She cannot recall the name, but remembers it was an odd, complicated name, something you would hear in Lord of the Rings.  I suppose a name one would imagine a werewolf being named.  The angel talks to this thing like he is kind of happy to see it, but also kind of disappointed in it.  Kelly agrees, comparing the conversation to running into an old high school buddy but that buddy, a decade later, has not amounted to jack shit, and got caught doing something fucked up.  They hear the wolf thing make some excuses but the angel isn’t taking his bullshit and tells him to fuck off.  Not in those words, I am paraphrasing.  They said he was more kind in his delivery, like, patient with the werewolf.

 

So the angel guy, he teleports, ya I said fucking teleports, Spencer and Kelly back to their car.  At least, that is what they said must have happened.  They were blind, but they definitely did not walk blind through the wilderness back to their truck.  They did not move from that spot, they were on their asses the whole time.  The angel helped them up, put his hands on their faces and their sight returned.  And he apologized for blinding them, He said he forgot that could happen and it was a while since he went all super saiyan bright.  Again, I am paraphrasing what they said.  The angel restores their sight, and they are standing right by the truck, so ya, fucking teleported, and all is well.  Kelly tells me the angel explained the wolf was a demon and apologizes on the demon’s behalf, as he is a very polite and empathetic angel.

 

That basically sums that incident up.  O wait, but why chop Spencer up?  Spencer said the angel explained that particular demon, like most demons, is just kind of an asshole.  There wasn’t really much to it, a demon doing demon things and happened to be in the area.

 

After their story concluded, I found it entertaining, but nothing overly amazing, right?  I still thought it was all lies, anyone can lie and make up stories.  It is hard to conceive as to why they would lie, maybe just for Youtube views, but there is no good reason.  So I humored them, and humored my boss.  I figured I would stay a night in Darby and drive back the next day.  But this was not the end of their story.

 

Wait, you are probably asking if Kelly was able to get any video evidence of this incident.  That is a very good question.  I saw the video, it looked like the Blair Witch movie and just as disappointing of an ending.  It had just as much video evidence as those bullshit ghost shows on TV.  Those shows where they react all dramatic but never actually get anything.  Kelly’s camera bugged out and didn’t get a thing.  Sorry folks. 

 

Kelly and Spencer knew what I was thinking, that it was all bullshit.  They didn’t even hold it against me, they weren’t offended by it.  They sat there like they were in the middle of an inside joke, one I was certainly not a part of.  Spencer nodded her head, encouraging Kelly to let me in on this joke of theirs.

 

Kelly told me, “I know this sounds unbelievable.  Who would believe an angel came and saved us from a demon that wanted me to trade my girlfriend for everything I’ve ever wanted?   But, Theo, this wasn’t just some angel, like you would think of in a painting.” 

 

He leaned forward, his mountain man, hand-crafted, wooden chair creaked as he got closer to my face, with his eyes fixed on mine, he continued, “Theo.  I saw this angel.  I know him, who he is, and where he works.  I know where he lives.” 

 


Submitted: November 22, 2020

© Copyright 2021 Minion of Coeus. All rights reserved.

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