Long-Distance Relationships: Michelle’s Method #12: Dealing with Men

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Another part of my series on dealing with men.

Long-Distance Relationships: Michelle’s Method #12: Dealing with Men

 

There is a ninety percent likelihood that your man will cheat in a long-distance relationship that involves little to no sexual and in-person contact. This statistic is particularly true if the long-distance relationship is year-round with minimal contact. Michelle’s Method was not designed to salvage or protect long-distance relationships of this nature, and there is really no point in doing so. Eighty-five percent of long-distance relationships fail the first year.

 

In the absence of a loved one’s presence, it is natural to feel resentment, curiosity, jealousy, rejection, and neglect. These feelings are not necessarily a reflection of reality but they feel real to you nonetheless. Michelle’s Method offers a way to deal with long-distance relationships by not agreeing to them in the first place and ending them before they crash and burn so that you do not waste time and can move onto someone who is actually available. 

 

It is better than showing up a boyfriend’s house and finding out that he is seeing someone else, and now considers your ‘long-distance’ relationship to be a ‘long-distance friendly phone and email communication’. Save yourself the trouble and humiliation by ending things. 

 

Long-distance relationships are usually aimed at salvaging past situations that have run their course. Most people don’t consider moving away unless there is a valid reason. They may not claim it is the relationship, but the supposedly wonderful state of their relationship is not holding them back from leaving, so?! 

 

The relationship is not something they wish to salvage or value enough to make sacrifices for. Or the opportunities are too great to pass on. Or they need space. Or they have met someone else. Or it is the chance of a lifetime. Or it is not the right time to marry or settle down. Or 100 other reasons. One reason to stay that is not in their head is how great your relationship is, really was, as that time has passed. I have heard all the arguments and here is my viewpoint. 

 

Let’s say that your boyfriend wishes to go to medical school. You two live in a large city. There is a medical school near where you live. Nevertheless, he claims he must go to medical school two provinces or states away. Of course, that is his right. Why do you want to make a difficult situation work with a man alone and away from you with no accountability, both of you facing temptation and without much incentive to stay loyal, when others are available to you? If you can get a high caliber of man who is actually around, why not end this relationship and find someone else who is willing to stick around?

 

Why didn’t this man choose to go to medical school near you? Why didn’t he take a promotion with the company locally or find another job? Why did he move so far away when he could have moved an hour away? The truth is, he may have compelling reasons and he is entitled to those reasons, but when it comes to this relationship, there wasn’t much worth salvaging in the first place. 

 

I have heard all the claims. You love one another. You had some great moments. You have beautiful memories. You have known each other for five years. The pictures are beautiful. Life is changing and you don’t know how to change with it. You want to hold onto the past. I have heard it all and it sounds like high school graduation. 

 

And what do you do when it is time to leave high school? You don’t get to go back. You think about what I just wrote up there. And you remember that everybody has wonderful memories of an old love that just didn’t work out. And you know they let go so they don’t live in the past and move on. They can and did. So can you and so you should. 

 

Don’t try to hold onto a memory that has passed. Don’t try to salvage a relationship that has run its course. I am not writing this article because I doubt your love or what he meant to you. I am not writing it because the memories and feelings are not real. I am telling you to get a life, move on, and deal with the reality of the situation. If you could find someone that wonderful in the past, you can find someone else that wonderful here and now. 

 

Variety is the spice of life. You don’t keep going back to a restaurant that has closed or try to find a substitute. You find something new. That is an essential part of growth. Look at the yearbook one more time, close it, put it in your stash of old memories in some basement trunk somewhere and move on. You will thank me for it. It is better to be in love with a real, live person than a treasure trunk full of memories.

 


Submitted: November 23, 2020

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