Michelle’s Method #9: Dealing with Men 101 - Love and Sympathy

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Part 5 of my series on men and dating.

Michelle’s Method #9: Dealing with Men 101 - Love and Sympathy

 

According to Michelle’s Method, codependency is never the basis of a relationship. Sympathy is saved for troubled people that you volunteer with, certain friendships, and troubled family members. Even then, it is best to choose empathy-respect and understanding-over sympathy, which is really pity. Pity is not love or acceptance. As well, it is not your mission in life to take care of others or prevent them from getting the real help they need. You were not born in this life to be a ‘self-sacrificing martyr’ or ‘caregiver’. 

 

Michelle’s Method has little interest in or support for people who throw themselves into caregiving mode for others. If you are a codependent and are losing your identity or claiming you are being taken advantage of, when professional care and support are available and what these people really need, you will not get any support from here. 

 

According to Michelle’s Method, you put yourself first and take care of yourself first in order to avoid exploitation and narcissism. Codependency is really a form of narcissism. Michelle’s Method does not consider self-respect and making yourself the priority to be narcissistic. The devaluation of women and constant requirement to be everybody’s sounding board, caregiver, nurturer, etc. is exhausting, sexist, and unfair. Michelle’s Method does not condone or allow for the misuse of women and others by exploitative people. Codependents tend to use people. 

 

Healthy selfishness is essential for personal growth and happiness. Narcissism requires exploitation of another. The purpose of Michelle’s Method is to create a functional life with happy, productive relationships or a worthwhile single or married life that is organized, functional, and self-serving. Self-serving beliefs are protective and have nothing to do with codependency or narcissism.

 

Self-sacrifice is dangerous and harmful to yourself and others. Co-dependency is derived from basing a relationship on the mistaken belief that you have the ability to change someone, that they must be dependent upon you, and that power struggles are the basis of all relationships.

 

Codependent types usually want to maintain a dysfunctional relationship of dysfunction in which one person is dependent upon the other. The power struggle is maintained by making one person needy and limited for the sake of another. Contrary to popular belief, many people seeking out codependent relationships enjoy power struggles against those who are weaker or more troubled than they are. 

 

Authoritarian types on codependent types are usually narcissists with weak personal structures and emotional rage. They try to control others in order to improve their own self-image and feed their narcissistic egos. They feel devalued and must devalue others to make themselves feel better. They can pull this off by appearing to be fakely nice, kind people with fake ‘good’ intentions. Society sometimes has a hard time recognizing the difference. Caregiving is not a basis for relationships. 

 

These authoritarian types often try to keep the person down, take control over their lives, and use them to create the kind of relationship they want. Michelle’s Method is not about power struggles, using troubled people, fixing their problems, or manipulation. Codependency requires two dysfunctional people. These types are usually threatened by powerful, stable, and strong-willed men and women.

 

Michelle’s Method does not consider codependent relationships to be real, fair, or justifiable relationships. While I maintain respect and understanding for others, in this method, sympathy is never the basis for relationships. Why?

 

  1. Relationships are based on equality, not on manipulation and power struggles. 

  2. Normal, functional people expect others to shoulder their part of the relationship and do not want to do all the work. If they have to give more, the other will give less. This is not the balance relationships thrive on. 

  3. Codependency is an obstacle to genuinely getting to know someone, is based on gender roles, or the reversal of power in a relationship. All of this behavior is manipulative and manipulation is never the true basis of a relationship. 

  4. Codependents are as psychologically damaged as the people they seek out. This is called doubling and the recreation of significant emotional damage. Relationships are not structured to deal with emotional damage or power struggles. Professional help is required for these people. 

  5. Codependent relationships involve a great deal of unhappiness, emotional overload, stress, instability, and arguing. They are long and drawn out states of personal misery and unfair to everyone. Most normal people do not care for these relationships. 

  6. Love is very different from sympathy and is the true basis of relationships. Love requires function, equality, limits, self-respect, understanding, independence, and empathy. Empathy is an understanding and appreciation of the person. Sympathy is similar to pity. 

  7. Codependents have a vested interested in reflecting the damage of the past and ‘relive’ this damage from childhood and past experiences through another. They almost in engage in a ‘Munchausen by Proxy’ approach to relationships. They have a vested interested in keeping others down for their own benefits. This is obvious in their tendency to claim they are so needed by the other, that they can change people, by their pushy desire to change people.

  8. Relationships are not based on arguing by synergy and communication between people. 

  9. Pushing down another is not helping. People cannot help or change other people. Wanting to change another is a dangerous, disrespectful, and unhealthy basis for a foundation of lies type of relationship.

  10. Codependency requires massive denial, self-immolation, self-denial, and arrogance. Codependents believe they are superior to the people they are dating and married to and it is their purpose is to change people into what they want, like painting a blank canvas. Except they are painting over someone else’s canvas without permission to erase their image in favor of one they like. This is classic psychopathic manipulation.

 

Michelle’s Method only accepts fair and genuine relationships based on kindness, self-respect, empathy, acceptance, compatibility, chemistry, and equality. There will be no justification for any kind of codependent relationship. Codependency is not acceptable as a basis for relationship according to Michelle’s Method.

 


Submitted: November 23, 2020

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