Part 12: Online Dating vs. Online Chatting: Michelle's Method: Dating and Men 101

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Online dating vs. Online chatting: Michelle's Method: Dealing with Men 101

How to deal with online dating:
As I wrote in last week's entry, online dating is not real. According to Michelle's Method, real and physical presence is required for dating, sex, and relationships to progress, and this situation cannot occur if women delude themselves into believing that online dating is a thing. I am not referring to online chatting, but there is a three day limit for online chatting, and after that, he must offer a date. The date must include a date, time, and location. If he does not agree to or put forth these details, do not waste time on him. Drop him. 

What happens if he offers a date and does not follow up with date, time, and location? Immediately ask what he has picked out and where, when, and address. If you want to, write that you want to know if you are available, if it is close to home, what to wear, or some other excuse. Do this before you let him call you, assuming he has not called already. He may just be phishing for a number to get to phone sex. Phone sex is also not dating. Do not let a man swap or switch and bait real dating for phone sex and online dating. If you have doubts about this, reread Entry #2 from November 21, 2020. 
If you simply cannot get around this truth, that is your business, but I highly doubt the rest of this method will work for you if you do not grasp the basics. Now, that out of the way, now to deal with online chatting as a precursor to the date:
1. Do not reveal too many personal details. It is like one chocolate out of the box. Do not allow him to help himself to all the chocolate. Keep details back and reveal them slowly over a period of several dates, preferably one or two a week, and at least 48 hours notice. You can even set aside two specific days a week if that works with his schedule. This arrangement helps with planning on a weekly basis and getting him to adhere to a schedule. Spontaneity is not your friend in dating. Save the spontaneity for what you order at dinner or for a cocktail. Life requires organization. 
2. Reinforce that you are available or prefer to chat at specific times. Why? Do you want a man texting you while at work, jogging, or getting a latte? No, probably not. The reality of this situation will make it clear that such a man is annoying, desperate, and intrusive. Make it clear without excuses that he is only to text or chat at certain times, e.g. after 7 pm and so on. 
3. Eliminate men who repeatedly send messages after you reached the cut-off point with texting and chatting. Give it fifteen minutes. Put a timer on if required. Then politely disengage. Tell him you enjoyed chatting and would like to chat again, but have to go. Leave it at that. If he texts more than once after this, (really just to get a time or figure out when you will be online again), then eliminate him. He does not respect boundaries. I advise including a time when you will be online or available. This applies to email. 
4. The only exception is the polite and friendly 'Good Morning' or 'Miss You' text after an evening out the next day. Respond to this by claiming you enjoyed the chat or date and will be available at a specific time to chat, at least two hours away. If you are chatting online in a conversation, then be responsive. If he texts outside the acceptable texting period, reinforce your boundaries by pointing out you are busy and can chat with him later at a specific time. Wish him a nice day and say it was a nice text/conversation/whatever. 
5. Say or write nothing really negative. Men are not appreciative of negativity. They do not want to be your confidant or counselor. 
6. Throw in a few jokes, charming comments, or flirtatious commentary.
7. Avoid sexual discussions. Eliminate him immediately if he gets into blunt and vulgar sexual commentary.
8. DO NOT SEND PICTURES. He has a few pictures online. He wants to see more? He can meet you for a date. 
9. Reveal nothing about your physical appearance beyond something like, 'I am athletic', 'I am tall', 'I have long blonde hair', 'I am Asian and have beautiful almond-shaped eyes'. Avoid spending a lot of time on these details. A question or two is curiosity. Too many questions suggests he places too much emphasis on physical appearance along with a host of other issues. 
10. Let him lead but don't be afraid to make a casual suggestion. End with leading comment about how you hope to hear from him tomorrow at a specific time. 
11. Don't do run-ons. If it is longer than two sentences, it is too long. Keep it shorter than two sentences. 
12. Allow him to ask the questions. Return one question for every four he asks. 
13. Drop him if all he does is ask questions or spends ten minutes on himself.
14. Definitely drop him if he goes on about another girl or guy he likes, his ex, how great his kids are, etc. for long paragraphs over ten minutes or so. Try to steer the conversation away from that topic after five minutes. If it doesn't work, drop him. 
15. Block all men who are rude, sexually vulgar, or evasive. If you think he is married, he probably is. Trust your instincts. If you think he is crazy, he probably is. You may be wrong ten percent of the time, but that means you are right ninety percent of the time. Err on the side of caution. 
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Submitted: November 23, 2020

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