Mechanical Sound Awareness

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

I have never been one with much of a mechanical aptitude. I do have the ability to know what mechanical objects should sound like when they are operating. This skill has saved me many times.

I've never been much of one to use tools. I have friends who love tools. These are the people who will build a new garage as well as an addition to their existing home because they bought some new tools and were so excited to use them. Tool usage is not a skill I've ever claimed to have. Tools tend to run from me like a horse from someone who has never before ridden a horse.

“Tool stampede in aisle nine. What could have caused it this time?”

“It's that writer guy again. Keep him away from the tool section when he comes here again. We can't keep having tool stampedes in our store.”

What I don't have in tool usage skills, I make up for by knowing mechanical sounds. I know when something is wrong. I may not know how to fix it, but I know something is wrong. It is this keen sense of hearing that keeps our furnace from faltering during some of the coldest weather in winter.

“Something is wrong,” I yell.

“What?” my wife yells

“I'm telling you there is something wrong with our furnace. We need to contact the repairman immediately,” I reply.

“I don't understand.”

“The ker-thunk sound isn't there. It always has the ker-thunk sound when it is done working. We need to find out why there is no ker-thunk sound with our furnace.”

My wife then makes some rather sarcastic comments about me, my body, and a ker-thunk sound without mentioning the furnace. I call our furnace repairman in the morning. He is a kind soul who has been repairing furnaces for decades. I believe he has heard many customers describe many things.

“I see, no ker-thunk sound. Is there still the whaaa, grumble, grumble sound, ” he says

“Yes, the whaa, grumble, grumble is fine. It is the lack of the ker-thunk that bothers me,” I said.

He agreed to come over. After looking at our furnace he had to make an adjustment that could have become serious if not addressed. When he leaves, I tell my wife she needs to respect those of us who are aware of the mechanical sound universe. She told me to go ker-thunk the furnace.

When I was driving my wife's car recently, I noticed there was a slight gerrr sound when there should not have been a slight gerrr sound. I'm not a mechanic, and I don't work on cars to avoid any chance of a tool stampede, but I know an inappropriate gerrr sound when I hear one. I told my wife and she waved it off as if it was nothing. I took her car to a mechanic and explained the problem. He drove the car and heard the sound. He fixed the problem with one of her car's axles.

I told my wife to fear the inappropriate gerrr sound in her vehicle. I quickly realized my wife has her own gerrr sound that I've learned to fear.

My ability to be in touch with mechanical sounds has saved us many times. I knew something was wrong with our refrigerator when it didn't make its eeewing sound. I also had a timely repair made on our air conditioning unit when I detected an inappropriate weshhhh sound. The list is almost endless. I may be feared by tools, but I know appropriate and inappropriate mechanical sounds.

I said to my wife, “You should be thankful you have a husband who is so aware of mechanical sounds. I've probably saved us serious problems and hundreds of dollars with my unique talent. It is a skill not possessed by everyone.”

“Yeah, I also have a talent for knowing the sound of my husband when he has eaten too much of his favorite Mexican food and drank too much beer with it. I'm in touch with that sound because it is usually accompanied by an all too recognizable aroma,” she replied.

Sometimes my wife knows no boundaries.

Recently, I was driving my car and heard no unusual sounds. I walked around my home and heard nothing out of the ordinary. My wife was not at home. I then realized I was hearing one of the most beautiful sounds in the world; the sound of silence.


Submitted: November 25, 2020

© Copyright 2021 Nevidomo Istoriya. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:


Serge Wlodarski

Do you make house calls? I need someone to listen to my stove.

Wed, November 25th, 2020 6:09pm


Thanks for reading my essay. I never thought of this as a type of profession, but hey, why not?

Wed, November 25th, 2020 12:01pm

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