A Visit From Such A Dick

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

New classic!

'T'was was the night before first Christmas outside the White House

Donald seethed, he was a wolverine, not a weak-ass mouse


 

He felt insane, raging jealousy like a ten year old kid

When he thought of what the red porker did


 

"I could do that, after all, I wrote 'The Art of The Deal"

His job would be good cover for all he could steal


 

So he hot wired a sleigh from 'Used Sleighs And More,'

Popped several Adderall and headed for the door


 

The stockings would be hung but he didn't care,

The loser children thought St. Nick would soon be there


 

The children would be nestled all snug in their beds,

These little bastards had blue parents, not red


 

And old Donnie with his sprayed on skull cap

Was fresh off the john after taking a crap


 

He took the sleigh instead of Air Force One

To fly to their homes, but they lived in slums


 

He broke out a window and hauled himself in

He wished it was quieter 'cause it made such a din


 

The moon looked like a breast, reminding him of Teen USA

Filled him with lust as he entered their T. V. room, okay?


 

When, what to his beady eyes should appear

When he turned on the set, shit-o-dear


 

MSNBC not Fox, hate replaced lust

He flew into a rage, lashed out and cussed


 

Aided by uppers the swear words they came

And he thought of his heroes and called them by name:


 

"Now, Kim Jon, now, Benito, now, Adolph and Nixon

And then his last thread to reality came undone


 

"F*** the voters, the pundits, and media all,

I'm too Christ-like to ever take a fall!"


 

And it was then that his fury was unleashed,

He hurled lamps, chairs, and scrawled the number of the beast


 

On the walls with a Sharpie as the furniture flew

"This is for the loser voters, from my crotch to you!"


 

By this time the groggy kids were gawking

"Listen to me kids, The Donald is talking!"


 

As their heads recoiled and they were about to bolt,

It was then Donnie staged a one-man revolt


 

"F*** it, I'm not stepping down, the election was rigged!"

And on his non-concession concession he reneged


 

And a bundle of kindling was unleashed from his pack,

"I'll burn everything down if I can't have it back!"


 

His eyes burned with anger, the children all saw

He raged and fumed until his throat was burned raw


 

His mouth of ire little more than an angry pink slash,

"Show me the money and launder that cash!"


 

The stump of a crack-pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.


 

He had a fiery-red face and a protruding belly,

That shook when he screamed like a bowlful of jelly.


 

He was chubby and plump, a right angry half-masted dick,

And they obeyed him, who knew why for he made them sick!


 

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

He screamed, "everyone not me blows!"


 

And then he blew out the door in a towering rage,

As if his emotions were unleashed from their cage


 

But they heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"With this so-called election, something weren't right!"


Submitted: November 30, 2020

© Copyright 2021 Mike S.. All rights reserved.

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Comments

hullabaloo22

Haha! One of the most original adaptations that I've ever come across. Well done, Mike.

Mon, November 30th, 2020 6:13pm

Author
Reply

Thank you again, Hull

Mon, November 30th, 2020 10:16am

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