My Old Friend

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

Tackling my ocean monsters

My Old Friend

 

I greeted it as an old friend. A bit cliché to say the least, but none the less. It was always there for me. As far back as I remember. A lingering sense of doom and despair. An over-active imagination that never seems too clear. Feeling hyper aware of my surroundings to the point where they do not feel real anymore. People and activities begin to blur and twirl within one another. The constant reminder of the impending end we are all waiting for. None the less, an old friend is how I have perceived it.

 

Pure happiness seems to be at the end of the road. Despite how long and enduring I travel, that end seems to only be moving farther and farther away. Days where I get a glimpse of this seems to last be a mere moment. Its slowly taken over by the presence that seems to never leave us. To feel constantly at a low. The road begins to grow darker. The moon arises. The air is still. I have gotten used to being in the company of loneliness.

 

They will say many things. That we hide ourselves to protect ourselves. That we do not want the light. This is not true. We hide ourselves to protect you. We crave the light, but the light seems unobtainable. No matter the amount of effort on our journey. We are constantly reminded of how the world is. We are unable to turn a blind eye to life’s discrepancies. All we want is to be cradled in the warmth of the big, bright sun, but how can we abandon the moon? The moon that gave us the little light it had and helped us towards our desired destination. Once again, we cannot turn a blind eye to it.

 

I see the person who I want to be. One who exuberates strength. Who fights the wrong and delegates the right. I wake up in the morning and try to visualize that person. The more I do, these days, the more of a stranger they seem to be. I feel that I am weak. I feel myself giving in to the many wonders of the human mind. What a dangerous place to be in, yet, I have grown such an admiration to it. The ability to look past the surface and dive deep into the dark waters. I keep swimming down and down through the moon dipped waters. I am not struggling to do so. I am effortlessly falling into it.  As I am in the waters, I turn back and look up to the sky. Through the water, the sky seems to take different shapes. The stars look as if they are twinkling. The moon appears to go in and out of different shapes. This is where I feel most comfortable. Floating in the sea of my mind, gazing into the surreal night sky. I close my eyes and I feel my body begin to sink to the bottom slowly, gently.

 

I feel my body drifting in and out of the currents. I wake from my endless sleep. I feel the cool sensation of sand and shells underneath me. The waves take shape to my body and the current moves up and down. I sit up and my hands lightly sink into the cool shoreline. I look up and see the moon. Its shape is perfect. Its light is brighter than I have ever seen it. It looks as if it is only getting bigger. I feel… serenity. Despite feeling alone. Despite being a slave to my crippling friend. I feel as if I have lived in this moment all my life. Through the pain and silent suffering, my old friend is still here with me in this moment. To share it with me.

 

I think of my true love. The one I have dedicated myself to. I wonder if it would be too much to ask to make this journey with me. To lead them into the ocean’s abyss and to let go of everything that induces fear. To let go of hate. To no longer be subjected to the wrong doings that have ever happened to us. Just let go of the heart break and anguish that life threw at us with no remorse. Its time to drift off. Its time to start embracing our flaws. It is okay not to be okay, just as it should be.

 

Maybe one day, we can try the path towards the light once more. Even if we accept the darkness within us, it does not mean we cannot always befriend the lightness we desire. Who knows? Maybe our old friend just needs another presence to intertwine with. A true yin and yang representation. For now, I’ll continue my path towards the light, but I will certainly take time to drift into the ocean to once again bestow my eyes on the brightest moon that lit up my cold, sandy shoreline.


Submitted: December 03, 2020

© Copyright 2021 oceansabyss. All rights reserved.

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