Sparkle Variations

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

A piece of my life in short story form awakened by a Review Chain Fortnightly prompt.

William and I had only been dating for seven months when he asked me to marry him.  I initially said no and suggested that we live together first.  William, being old school, declined.  "If you can live with me, you can marry me."  His talking eyes let me know I had insulted him.  I stared into them for a few minutes, enchanted by his conviction.

"We speak different languages and have different customs.  We are from two different cultures, two different worlds.  I just don't know that it will work."  I was sucking in my tears, something I seldom did.

"But you love me??"  He had such beautiful eyes and they were screaming confusion.  Still, his smile was reaching for happiness.

"I love you.  But let's wait ...poquito, por favor." 

I never expected poquito to be so little.  Only two weeks later, I learned that I was pregnant.  I was so excited I could barely wait to see him and share the wonderful news.  We were going to have a baby!  My heart was thumping out a song of joy!  William shared my excitement, of course.  And then, I asked him.  "Do you still want to marry me?"

He looked at me with a sparkling surprise and a wisecracked smile.  "You want to marry me??  Or you want to marry me because you are pregnant?"

I think he thought he was being funny, and he was.  But, it made me sad.  Sad that I made him question my love.  I vowed that I would never again do that to him.  But how could I say in Spanish that being pregnant is what made me realize just how much?  I mean, I loved him enough to get pregnant, and I love him enough to want to raise a child with him.  Why wouldn't I love him enough to commit to making our love work despite our cultures?  That is just silly fear.  I loved him enough to trust that our love is the bridge between our cultures; there is no gaping hole for us to fall into.  Our love is what makes our relationship work; our love is what will make our life together last forever.  'Til death do us part".  I didn't know all those words in Spanish and I thought English wouldn't have the same gusto.  So, instead, I smiled wide and loud and yelled, "YES!  So, will you marry me?"

 He gave me a great big happy hug and we both laughed with joy.  Of course, he said yes.  We named our expected bundle Robbie Mauro (after my dad and his) or Michaela Helene (middle name after my mom).  We decided on a December 31st date and then went to a jewelry store and picked out our wedding bands and engagement ring.  I chose the simplest precious diamond there was because that's who we were and that's what our love was; simple.  In fact, we still are and our love still is...30 years later.

Yes, the Christmas sparkle had just begun, but for us, it was brighter and bolder that year than any other year ever.  In fact, for me, it glowed from within.  I was never so sure about anything in my life as I was about my next career focus; Parent and Partner.  Yes.  In that order of importance.  Oh, the sparkle was brilliant.

Then, it dimmed.  At my first doctor's appointment, my doctor confirmed that I was pregnant.  BUT.  The pregnancy hormone isn't as high as it should be.  He ordered more blood work a week later.  At that visit, he informed me that the hormone was decreasing instead of increasing.  I didn't understand.  He said, "you are going to miscarry".

"Are you sure??"

"Well," he said compassionately, "we will take more blood today to be sure.  I want you to call me if you start to bleed.  We will then try to get some of the tissue to biopsy and see if we can learn why this is happening.  Okay?"

"Okay".  The sparkle went dim, so dim that there wasn't any sparkle at all.  My downpour of tears washed it out.

This would be our first trauma and William proved to be stronger than I.  He hugged me, told me there will be more; Robbie or Mickie will one day be born.  He then went right back to normal living.  I couldn't.  This was my second loss.  My first was with my first husband on December 16th in 1983.  I had a stillborn baby boy at 22 weeks.  I couldn't help but wonder why?  Why did having a baby look so easy?  It seemed as though everyone could but me.  And then my faith kicked in and I  remembered that there is a reason for everything.  Even more important, everything is in God's time, not mine.

I began bleeding on December 23rd.  My doctor did the D&C on the morning of December 24th.  There wasn't enough tissue to analyze; we had no idea why this happened.  It didn't feel like Christmas.  I didn't sparkle. That Christmas was blue, dreary, sad, and filled with tears.  My family celebrated at my sister's house; they wanted us to join them, but we had no desire to celebrate.  My cousin and her family had a gathering at her apartment and she talked me into going but I didn't stay long.  I kept thinking, don't people know we have nothing to celebrate today?  Don't they know our first dream has died?  Don't they care about us?  Why do they think we should be happy with them?  It felt like a very sad and selfish world that night.  No one cared what was going on inside of me.  No one wanted to talk about it.  God forbid it should mess up their Christmas.  Instead, they expected we should just "celebrate" with them and that would make things better.  On top of being sad, I was angry.

One week later I married the love of my life, my best friend, dear, sweet William, and that Christmas sparkle was back in a New Year kind of way!  We celebrate our 30th anniversary this year, and that sparkle has been bright more often than dim.We had another miscarriage in December; my dad died in December; and my mother had one of her cancer surgeries in December.  Still, there were many, many more Christmas's with brilliant sparkle.  The fact that I married my soul mate on December 31st has been a beautiful sparkle foundation that just cannot be shut out ever again.


Submitted: December 05, 2020

© Copyright 2021 KatV. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Vance Currie

I read your recent post in the forum, Kat, and I liked the way you put it, so I decided to have a look at your work. I am not into poetry, so I read this story. I found it easy to read and free from grammatical distractions. That makes you a good writer as far as I am concerned. And I loved the story. I am so glad that it had a happy ending, especially since you say it is true. Like you, I am an amateur writer who does not aspire to write professionally, but I am never happier than when I am losing myself in one of my weird adventures. Whether or not you get any more comments, you can take comfort in the knowledge that you are a good writer who can be proud of your work.

Thu, December 10th, 2020 7:20pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for reading, and thank you for your comments/feedback Joe! I'm glad you liked this story. I find non-fiction easier to write, especially if it is personal. Thank you again, Joe, your comments mean a lot! I will check out some of your work too! I try to do a comment for a comment,

Thu, December 10th, 2020 2:34pm

Archia

What a beautiful and strong story. A miscarriage would be such a hard thing to go through, and it would be okay to not want to celebrate. It sounds like December has been a hard month for you a lot of times, but you have a wonderful thing to be happy for. I couldn't say a thing to fault this. I enjoyed reading your story and the way you told it so much. I feel like you picked the perfect points to capture and focus on and it all added up to reflect your relationship. I love that you're still so positive after everything that the month of December has brought you in the past. It's so lovely that you have this wonderful thing to celebrate in December, and happy 30th anniversary this year, what a beautiful sparkle to celebrate.

Tue, December 15th, 2020 7:12am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much Archia! Your comments mean a lot to me. I am so happy that you enjoyed my story. Yes, we have a beautiful sparkle to celebrate every December; thank you. I loved writing and sharing this story, because not every sparkle is perfect; if it were, it would be a solid glow.

Tue, December 15th, 2020 4:45am

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