The Sermon on the Mound: the Nine Beatitudes

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

A parody of "The Sermon on the Mount," in which the Lord delivers a sermon on a Baseball mound, and offers "Nine Beatitudes" in praise of the players.

THE SERMON ON THE MOUND: THE NINE BEATITUDES

 

The Lord walked out of the dugout

And made his way to the mound

He silenced the cheering crowd

And then spoke thusly:

 

Blessed are the pitchers,

For they are the arms of God

Who suffer the bats of Hell

And throw pitches from the heart

 

Blessed are the catchers

For they are the minds of God

growing prematurely old

As they squat behind the plate

 

Blessed are the first basemen,

For they field all manner of throws

And dig balls out of the dirt

For a teammate’s sake and not their own

 

Blessed are the second basemen,

For they are the gymnasts of Heaven

Who pivot to make a double-play

To crush a rally every day

 

Blessed are the shortstops,

For they shall be called miraculous

As they go deep in the hole

And fire lightning bolts to first

 

Blessed are the third basemen,

Keepers of the hot corner,

savers of doubles down the line,

for they themselves shall be saved

 

Blessed are the left fielders,

For they shall be defenders of the wall

and fire the ball to second so no man

May hit a double undeserved

 

Blessed are the right fielders,

For they shall have the arms of angels

And throw to the plate

To cut down sliding runners

 

Blessed are the center fielders,

For they shall be called Mantle and Mays

Snider and Doby and Joltin’ Joe DiMaggio

And be revered above all others

 

When you gather together

in Baseball’s name,

know I shall be with you

‘til the end of the game


Submitted: December 09, 2020

© Copyright 2021 Lawrence Grieco. All rights reserved.

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