Pain is all I deserve

Pain is all I deserve, pain is all I feel.
My flesh is unscarred but my soul bears the scars of a thousand cuts.
Before you judge me you have to feel the total emptiness that is my existence.
None can know how deeply the knife sliced me or how badly it hurt unless they too felt it.
What kind of life can you have with a dead heart and your soul in shreds?
Love, joy, and happiness are only words now; I feel only pain, bitterness and anger.
I rage on against myself for caring too much and loving too deeply and will never let another get so close.

How many times can your heart be broken before it won’t heal?
How many times does the knife have to be thrusted into your back before you go numb?
How many times must you have your love destroyed before you can no longer love?
How many times can you step into the darkness out of love before all you can see is the darkness?

I will not let another in my walls, I cannot love or care anymore, the pain is too great.
If you come, do so not with love and kindness, but with anger and disgust.
Use me and discard me so I don’t have to pretend to care or love you.
I gave my heart in love and had it returned broken, but it healed so I did it again and again until it could not heal; now I have nothing to give so take what you want and leave me to suffer alone.