Accepting My Fate

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Abandoned

I wrote this off a prompt. You find your suicide note from 2 days into the future what do you do?

We all do it, feel down and depressed. Some get over it quickly and some self medicate, others like me we just going down and down. A few lucky ones find help and learn to cope, but it is always there that darkness which wants to suck you down into it. I guess I was one of the lucky ones I found a man that loved and cared for me. He would help me when the darkness came creeping in. But I didn’t always tell him and sometimes I was on the very edge before he will see what I was going through. It wasn’t that he didn’t pay attention to me but more like I had learned to hide it and lie to everybody.

I was in one of my dark modes, they just creep up on you sometimes, when I found that piece of paper. It was blowing along the street one cold December morning and I snatched it out of the air as it was passing me by. I’m not even sure why I caught it only that I stuffed it in my pocket as I continue to walk to work.

I work at the Danberry Funeral Home, I prepare the bodies for viewing. Some people think that gives me a morbid out look on life, but I think I just have a better understanding then most people. I had two bodies I had to work on so I forgot about that paper until I was going out for my lunch. I pulled it out and smoothed it out as best I could. I was just a page from a spiral notebook, nothing special but what was writing on it would have been impossible anyplace by Danberry.

The paper was my suicide note written two days into the future. I know you are thinking that is impossible, but nothing is impossible in Danberry. I read it several times and seeing how I had said goodbye to the man I loved and begged him to forgive me. I knew at that very moment that I would kill myself in two days. It was like one of those old myths were the ruler is given a prophecy and in attempting to stop it he makes it come true. I could resist but in the end I was fated to do it.

 

 

I order my usual at Shirley’s diner, a grilled cheese and tomato soup as I considered how I would do it. I wanted something that was if not quick at least painless, something like slowly drifting off to sleep. It didn’t take me long to decide on the method, Alex had sleeping pills he no longer took so I could just take them. Throw in some alcohol and I would quickly fall asleep.

I had the method, but the location was the problem. I would have loved to go looking into the face of the man I loved, but I couldn’t let him find me. He had his darkness and that would drive him so deep into it I don’t think he would ever recover.. No I couldn’t do it at home, work would be fitting, but again I liked the people there and didn’t want them to deal with finding me dead. They would have to take care of my body afterwards which would be bad enouogh.

If I couldn’t die looking at my man then I would die looking at the sky. I considered where I could do it, someplace I would not be found until I was gone. There were places around town that a body would go undiscovered for weeks or months, but I didn’t want those that loved me to suffer that long. It came to me on the walk back to work and it was so obvious that I was amazed I hadn’t thought of it before.

I hurried through the rest of my work, not really rushing, I made sure to give the dead the respect that they deserved no matter what. I was finishing up when I realized that I had to decide what I would wear during the viewing. It was the last time anybody would see me and Alex had no sense of style. I would have to decide what I was to wear.

I spent all afternoon thinking about the details. I wrote them all up and would leave them on my desk for Mr. Harrison to find. He was like a father to me and would be sure I was treated with respect and my wishs carried out. I would leave the note for Alex to find the next morning.

I was on my way home when it hit me. I was feeling good, even happy. I was to die in two days, but I wasn’t sad or depressed about it at all. I would continue to live my life and when the time comes I will willingly do what I had to.


Submitted: December 18, 2020

© Copyright 2021 Gypsy Rose. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Danni Lee

I love your work Gypsy Rose. I think it is so eye-opening.

Sun, January 10th, 2021 11:33am

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