Hospital Vision

Reads: 32  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 1

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Humour. Fantasy. A Fellow Patient...

Hospital Vision

 

Mr. R Smith's

Unremarkable face

Sinks badly 

Into his

Unremarkable

Hospital pillow,

As he 

Impresses me

With his

Unremarkable name,

He points

With fidgeting

Fingers...

His fine

Cheekbones in

Perfect imitation

Of Mia Farrow's,

As she escapes

Werewolf teeth...

His skull head

Drowns further

Into death...


Submitted: December 22, 2020

© Copyright 2021 tom mcmullen. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:

Comments

AnnieBirnie

I really liked what you wrote and i understood what you were saying but one note i would make is that i feel like it didn't run as smoothly as it could have. For example there's no full stops so i didn't know where certain lines ended. I also felt like "He Impresses Me" could have been on the same line. But if you are following a specific type of poetry style i apologise. Great work.

Tue, December 22nd, 2020 9:26pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for your constructive comments Annie, and I'm glad you liked it. I'm aware I'm writing without full stops, and I'm trying to keep lines as brief as possible, so they read a bit like a shopping list I guess.

Tue, December 22nd, 2020 1:44pm

Other Content by tom mcmullen