Jimmy's Christmas

Reads: 32  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 1

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Footsteps, yarns and little fibs

There were some things that Jimmy didn't like.

Jimmy’s Christmas

Christmas is supposed to be exciting for an eleven year old boy, but this year Aunty Jean was coming for dinner and Jimmy carried a grudge. Well two years ago she came at Easter time and pretended she was going to eat his biggest chocolate Easter egg! She only put it to her mouth, not in, but he saw her spit fall on it, so disgusted, he biffed it away… why did she try to piss him off? He might get a chance to pay her back, but he doubted it. Jimmy was just the boy around the place, so Mum hadn’t told him exactly how many were coming to dinner, but he had to clean the silver and he reckoned he’d cleaned enough for a blimmin’ army!

The Christmas cake had been hidden, because Jimmy had sampled some of the almond icing… well a bit more than sample, so Mum had to repair it as best she could, but she wasn’t happy with the result, or Jimmy for that matter! As punishment he had to help Mum peel the new spuds… well not peel them exactly, scrape them because the skin came off so easily. He happened to be out in the garden picking some mint when Uncle Jack pulled up in his battered old car.

.‘Gidday Uncle Jack!’ Called Jimmy. He knew Uncle Jack liked his beer, and when he’d been properly primed, Jimmy knew he’d hand over some coins… as long as he fetched another bottle for him.

Uncle Alec and Aunty Eva arrived next, but Jimmy scarpered because Aunty always wanted a kiss on the lips, they were sloppy kisses and her lipstick tasted like old boot leather. He liked Uncle Alec though because when they visit him, Jimmy’s allowed to drive his tractor even though last year, he didn’t stop early enough and ran over the dog kennel! The dog hadn’t escaped unhurt either! His tail was broken and now the tip of it goes off in an odd direction! Curiosity got the better of Jimmy who wanted to see Suzie, their daughter’s new wrist tattoo, the one everyone had been talking about, because it was a bit rude. Aunty Eva grabbed him and gave him his Christmas kiss which nearly made him puke!

Trev laughed at the kiss and at Jimmy’s reaction. Trev was Jimmy’s older brother who was prone to giving his young sibling a hard time… like making him wash his hands before he was allowed to read the stack of comics they had collected. Trev liked hang around Suzie to sniff at her perfume, Intoxication, she splashed all over herself, but Jimmy reckoned Trev must have other motives because the perfume was so strong he could smell it even when he was in the dunny, and anyway it smelled a bit like rat’s pee. Suzie liked to be the centre of attention so she kept doing her eyelash flashing, hair flicking and bra adjusting thing that had even Jack taking notice.

Old Sid was the last to arrive, he was an old bachelor mate of Dad’s. The oft-told story was that three schoolboy bullies had hung Dad by his belt on a tree branch stub, and Sid had happened to come along. A rabbit shooter, he had his shotgun with him and fired a shot at the bullies and two of them had to go to old Doc, Scalpel to get some pellets taken from their bums. Anyway Sid got eighteen months in clink for his trouble and after he got out, Dad and he became mates lasting right up to now. Old Sid coughed and spluttered, saying he couldn’t stand the stink of Intoxication! He rolled some tobacco and lit up his pipe to clear his lungs. Smoking wasn’t allowed inside, but Sid had rights that nobody else had, that was according to Dad. Sid’s tobacco tin had faded writing on it that was impossible to read, so Jimmy called it Ol’ Dockleaf, because that’s exactly what it smelt like. Suzie screwed up her nose at the stink of the Ol’ Dockleaf and Trev thought it made her look rather cute.

Everyone was nicely primed with beer or wine, and the case of Jimmy, ginger beer, before Christmas dinner was served and they all sat around the large table. Being a Kiwi household, the main meat was roast hogget but Mum had also roasted a couple of chooks. Jimmy was given the hogget shank to chew on, which meant there wouldn’t be enough room in his tummy for many vegetables but his shrug showed that he didn’t care. Suzie ate so much the zip gave on her tight skirt, so Trev was only too happy to loan her a pair of his baggy track pants and a T-shirt. Jimmy remembered Aunty Eva’s kiss and felt in his pocket for the jar that housed his praying mantis.

The de-meated hogget bone ‘accidently’ fell to the floor, so Jimmy scurried under the table to retrieve it. Once down there, he pulled the jar from his pocket and lightly placed the mantis on Aunty Eva’s leg. With the bone retrieved, Jimmy sat up and waited for the reaction and it took longer than he had hoped… but it came! There was the look on her face… eyes wide and mouth gaping! She tried to kick her chair back so she could stand up but it tipped backwards, her head whacked into Mum’s stomach and she was carrying the pavlova… so left her hands and it was propelled forward, over the table and into Aunty Jean’s lap!  And Jimmy couldn’t believe this luck!

When Aunty Eva explained what she felt, Mum knew damn well there was only one person in the room who kept crawling things and that was Jimmy! But Jimmy was nowhere to be seen! When he saw where the pavlova landed, he knew he was in big trouble so in the confusion, he climbed the walnut tree out back of the house. He wasn’t seeking anonymity, but knew there’d be retribution if they caught him straight away! Inside, some didn’t let the pavlova go to waste, while others stuffed themselves with fruit salad, Jack and Old Sid hit the booze. Meanwhile Mum and Dad cleaned up the mess. None of them seemed to miss Jimmy and he felt sad to be left out while watching and listening from on high.

He brightened when a pigeon flew onto a nearby branch, and he hoped… yes it was… the pigeon he’d tamed last year! The pigeon however, showed no recognition, but flew to the branch directly above him… and splosh! The bird dropped a hefty deposit… onto Jimmy’s forehead and some of it slid down and into his eye. With his left eye closed, he climbed down the tree intent on sympathy, but inside, the gathering glared and him and one after the other they began to laugh! When the laughing was done, Mum helped him wash the poo off and clean his eye!

Of course they forgave him, Jimmy was but a kid, however, Aunty Eva never again gave him a sloppy kiss! And Aunty Jean? Well, the memory still warms his heart .


Submitted: December 23, 2020

© Copyright 2021 moa rider. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:

Comments

Joe Stuart

Ah, a nice happy ending for a Christmas story, Moa. I enjoyed the whole story. Shame about the pavlova though.

Wed, December 23rd, 2020 10:23pm

Author
Reply

Oh well, they could still dip their fingers into it, Joe. Thank you, I'm pleased you enjiyed it. and have a good Christmas. Usianguke

Wed, December 23rd, 2020 4:16pm

Other Content by moa rider

Short Story / Memoir

Short Story / Memoir

Short Story / Memoir