Santa's Dead (Let's Write a Country Song!)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


VERSE
There was a rustling on the rooftop
I was quick to lock and load
Not the .22, but my old double barrel
I'm determined to protect my abode

It was dark when I got down stairs
He was humming a Christmas carol
Dropped him like a sack of potatoes
As flames lept from both barrels

CHORUS
I stood my ground in Oklahoma
You know, I know my rights so well
Whoever you are, be prepared to spar
I’m gonna blast y’all straight to hell

No matter how you try to get in
You’re going to end up feeling sore
Wrong or right, don’t want to be in my sights
Now poor Santa’s bleeding on my floor

VERSE
He saw me and ran for the fireplace
Yeah, that guy could really skedaddle
I almost missed my opportunity
But, like a duck, I just led him a little

Couldn’t believe I shot poor Santa
But he did come in without permission
Yeah, came into my house through a lit fireplace
Now I kind of wish I would have missed him


CHORUS
I stood my ground in Oklahoma
I know my rights so well
Whoever you are, be prepared to spar
I’m gonna blast y’all straight to hell

No matter how you try to get in
You’re going to end up feeling sore
Ignore the propaganda; just bad luck it was Santa
Now he’s dying on my living room floor

VERSE
Maybe or not he got what was coming
If we’re lying all our cards on the table
But in this case, and to save a little face
I’ll deliver all these gifts if I’m able

While I’m doing Santa’s job in Oklahoma or Texas
I’m gonna carefully knock on each door
I’ll announce myself, for the sake of my health
Or be the next Santa bleeding on the floor

CHORUS
I stood my ground in Oklahoma
I know my rights so well
Whoever you are, be prepared to spar
I’m gonna blast y’all straight to hell

No matter how you try to get in my house
You’re going to end up feeling sore
My wife is pissed; I'm on her naughty list
Cause Santa’s dead on our living room floor

Repeat chorus of your choice


Submitted: December 26, 2020

© Copyright 2021 wellokiguess. All rights reserved.

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Comments

JE Falcon aka JEF

LOL, good one! --- But I'm afraid the jokes on you, --- Santa sends decoys to houses, --- with NRA stickers and the Red, White, and Blue. --- As for the sleigh, it's rigged with a timer, --- and I'm afraid you won't get far. --- And everyone who see you light-up the sky, will think it's a shooting Star.

Sat, December 26th, 2020 9:17pm

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