Golf Jargon

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

I was reminded of a golf-joke by the golfing story of another writer, (Thanks Serge), so I thought I'd built a story around the old joke. If you are a golfer, you'll know the jargon, but even if you are not, you may like the ending.

The setting: Two older men yelling at one another on the Green of a Golf Course.

"Why you Chili-Dipping Chunk-er, if you're not in the Cabbage you're playing Army Golf on the Dance Floor!"

Yeah, well you're the Breakfast Ball king around here, and you over do it! With your eyesight it's no wonder your ball is so Afraid of the Dark! And if Fried Eggs weren't you claim to fame, then. ...

 

Ah, the game of Golf and it's colorful Jargon, as noted above. It can be a joyous event, or a way to relieve the stresses of the day.

But to others, it is just something others do for the sake of business contacts, recreation, (or for the best of the best), money.

For Jake Thompson, it became the love of his life. Jake lived and breathed Golf, he memorized all the jargon and associated phrases, and played the game as often as possible. Jake loved the game so much that he even discarded life's other social pleasures; I'm talking the ladies.

But I'm getting ahead of my story, so let's start at the beginning.

 

Jake Thompson kind of fell into the game of Golf, and once he was in it, it was like a Sand-trap; he was stuck.

 

Jake hung around with a kid named Dickey Sanders, sorry, that would be Saunders. Dickey came from a well to do family that lived on Knotts Hill, so Sanders became Saunders as soon as Dickey's Great Grandfather had two nickles to rub together.

But Dickey didn't take to the rich kids in his neighborhood, or his private school, so he branched out.

 

It was down by the train station that Dickey and Jake first met. And like two pre-teen boys looking to get into something they shouldn't be doing, they bonded over swiping apples from Old Man Bradly's back yard.

Well, one thing lead to another and because Dickey's Father cut off Dickey's allowance, it wasn't long before they both ended up working as Caddies at the Black-Hills Golf Coarse, thanks to some covert phone calls that were made by Dickey's Father.

But after awhile Dickey found greener grass, he started working for his Grandfather who owned a chain of Tire Stores; it was soon noted that Dickey took after his Grandpa, he had a knack for selling stuff.

Not so for Jake, he stayed right where he was, and learned all about the game of Golf, to boot.

 

It has been years since those teen years, and Jake has met someone who means almost more to him as Golfing, Mary Lou Jennings.

Jake met Mary Lou in the guest's waiting room, just off the entrance of the Clubhouse, she was waiting for a client of hers to come fetch her.

You see, Mary Lou is a college student that has found temporary employment as an upscale Call Girl. Given the jobs available, Mary Lou found the escort service to be her best option, taking up the least of her time and paying the most for days spent working.

None the less, Mary Lou and Jake fell in love at first sight. I mean, it was like a freight-train hit them. Especially Jake, he couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, and he couldn't even concentrate on his job as a Professional Golf Instructor; his client's were starting to complain.

Well, there was only one thing to do, Jake would have to marry that woman!

The fateful evening arrived, and as Jake bent down on one knee to propose, Mary Lou pulled him up again and seated him in his seat.

Then Mary Lou stated, "Jake, before you say another word I want you to know I love you more than life itself. But I have a confession to make and it is something I should have told you before; unfortunately, it may change the way you look at me forever. --- I am a Hooker."

Jake blinked his eyes, then he scratched his head, and after that he said, "That's not a problem, sweety. A few days on the Golf Course with me and you'll have an approach-shot that rivals the best. Yes sir-re, you'll be putting them down the fairway without any hooks at all!

 

 

D. Thurmond / JEF

12-27-2020

 


Submitted: December 27, 2020

© Copyright 2021 D. Thurmond aka JEF. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Serge Wlodarski

I think Jake and Mary Lou were made for each other. Good story.

Mon, December 28th, 2020 10:19am

Author
Reply

I think you're right.

Mon, December 28th, 2020 12:18pm

Criss Sole

Ha! I'm not a golfer, but i got a good laugh.
Great story! Glad Serge mentioned it.

Mon, December 28th, 2020 11:22am

Author
Reply

Thank you, and laughs are what I was after. Happy you got it.

Mon, December 28th, 2020 12:16pm

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