"Grey"

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: War and Military  |  House: Booksie Classic

Personal Log 4-3-8
Centurion; Code Name Doc

“GREY”

 

[Audible click of a recording device turning on.]

[A tired, but steady male voice clears their throat before speaking.]


They say walking too close to the sun is bad for oneself. On the fact that this metaphor does stand for when you place yourself too close to something, or someone. Yet does that apply to the following? As someone who’s seen both the light and dark, I’ve ended up on a path some see, and fewer take. It doesn’t really matter how you end up on this path. Whether you were drawn to it unknowingly or sought it out purposefully; like I said it doesn’t matter. But does it? We’ll return that momentarily, but first let’s continue down our initial thoughts. Does the previous metaphor stand to the following path I’ve mentioned. A path both filled with Darkness and Light. Sometimes more than the other at times, but irrelevant at the moment. 

 

[Pause]

So walking down this, let’s call it “Grey” path; bring one too close to the verbial and metaphorical sun. In a way yes if we look at the extremes of those who walk the “Grey” path. Though, if we look at the more normal individuals who choose this dirtier path, even though they do walk too close to the verbial sun. The “Darkness” as we’ll call it; replacing the sun. They are not ill affected as the extremes in the sense of this philosophical and metaphorical quote. Yet there are exceptions to everything questionable. 

 

[Pause]

 

The exceptions you’d ask? Well that depends on something previously mentioned, and we’ll bring back to the front. How one arrives on this “Grey” path. As this simple but overlooked part of the “Grey” has led to quite a few to fall from this path to much darker worlds where one cannot return. Though this isn’t the only factor we have to consider, but one I implore you to look further into. As the following questions will determine your resolve, strength... willpower. This path isn’t for everyone. The ones who will be too greatly affected by walking too close to the “Darkness” should consider the following carefully. Not that you are one of those people.
First, Why. Why did you end up here? Why did you not correct your course? Why choose to remain on this dirty path when others presented themselves? Etc.

Second, Where did you come from? Where are your morals? Where do you see yourself in the coming years? Etc.

Third, Who. Who are you? Who do you think you are? Who has influenced you? Who’s been there and not been there for you? Etc.

Fourth, What. What brought you to this “Grey” world/path? What makes you tick? What makes you; you? What motivates you? What discourages you? Etc.
Fifth, When. When did you begin to notice your slipping? When did you realize you were on a new path? When did you decide to stay on this path and not leave it? Etc.

Sixth, How. How did you find your way down this path? How does this realization of the “Grey” affect you? How do you think you’ll Die? Etc.
 

[Pause]


Consider these and the many other questions that enter your mind carefully. As your answer to these self brought on questions will determine, or help determine your fate within the “Grey”. Now, yes. The world is filled with many questions. You could ask yourself a question on why, but that would end up in a never ending cycle wouldn't it? 

 

[Pause]

[Audible Chuckle & Sigh] 

 

Confusing right? That’s our existence for you, an existence based on questions. Many of which we don’t or won't have an answer for. Answers that may or may never come or are unclear. Yet we must ask these questions. To keep out sanity. To remind us why we walk this path…

[Pause]

I don’t even know why I’m making this self-incriminating report about my current Mental state, but it’s coming to the tip of the iceberg for me. The true killer here isn’t the metaphorical sun, or the darkness, the light, the grey. No, the true killer in this metaphor is yourself. I- have been dealing with my own inner self for a while now. I’m great at hiding it under a multitude of personalities and training techniques, but no matter how I shape it. It’s- me. I can’t remember when this began, but it's slowly crept into my world. My deeds, what I’ve seen, what I’ve watched others do. It’s a hell scape. A hell scape with one oasis in the middle of it all.Whether I’ll survive my “Grey” path and hell itself to reach the end? I’m unsure, yet I’ll do my damndest to reach it. Even if I have to fight hell.

 

[Pause]

[Audible Exhausted Sigh & Movement in the Background]

Who would have thought Philosophy would be keeping me sane and fighting. Everyone has their crutch they use to make it through. Some crutches, better than others. Do I regret my choices thus far? No. Were they right? Wrong? History can decide that. I do what must be done, for myself, and for the billions of others on this great green and blue rock.

Someone has to get their hands dirty for the sake of the greater whole. 

Centurion H.V.S; Code Name: Doc….Ending private log 4-3-8

 

Mental Note: Find a way to diagnose oneself for unorthodox treatment of onset PTSD. Currently not permanent based on numbering factors.

[Audible Click & End of Log]

 


Submitted: January 01, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Willson Nilo. All rights reserved.

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