Borderline Me.

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

A story about my life with bordeline personality disorder and other mental illnesses.

Iam me,and this is my fu@%*d up story of my life with Borderline Personality Disorder,(and a.d.d.,o.c.d,p.t.s.d and severe anxiety and panic disorder).Anyone in itself would be a shit show of a ride,all together id say its like driving a car top speed with no one behind the wheel. I cant control what i feel,also i never know how im going to feel from one second to the next.one minute i feel amazing ,im glowing ,im on top of the world than in an instant i feel devastated, broken sad ,or maybe an incredibly intense anger will take over and ill wanna hurt anyone around me,and not even know why im feeling this,i want that first feeling back again ,unfortunately i dont know how long that will be.The hardest part is controlling how u react to what ur feeling trying to stay calm when really u wanna anyone and everyone in the room .It took alot of horribly embarrassing episodes to be able to have a lil control of that.(I still have bad episodes just not as extreme or lasting as long they also feel a lil less intense for me for the most part) Id have to say its the BPD that f%@#s with me the most.One minute my heart feels so full its gonna explode,the next its as though i dont have one .From loving to ice cold in the blink of an eye.The hardest part is trying to handle what im feeling,because whatever it is i feel it too much.When im happy it shows in my tears i feel it too the highest level,When im mad i swear steam comes out my ears,i shake,i overheat and all i see is red.Im pretty sure not everyone is afraid of themselves.Every day i wake up on the front lines,everday im fighting a war within myself. ,Iam my only enemy.And how the F*$@ do u win a war with yourself,wouldnt it be a victory either way,It would be true but the half of me that im fighting isnt truely me,its one hell of mean ugly monster, i wouldnt want anyone to see.The fight is getting it to stay deep down inside of me.


Submitted: January 01, 2021

© Copyright 2021 nikimarie. All rights reserved.

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