A Day to Remember

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

A poem about one of my favourite memories. I would highly appreciate it if you took 5-60 seconds to comment something :)) Why? So I know how to improve or if you like it; both motivate me to become a better writer.

I remember,

about five years ago,

walking through the door,

feeling excited yet nervous at the same time

I’ve walked through that same door

hundreds of times though,

But today was different

Today was competition day - my first competition

Walking through the brightly lit gym,

with all the vivid LED lights up from the ceiling,

I could hear people chatting in the background,

kids laughing and crying,

and my heart beating

From excitement and nervousness

As I performed the routines I’ve done countless times,

I start to smile

and I know that today would be a day to remember


 


Submitted: January 04, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Naomi10012. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Steven P. Pody

Naomi, greetings. Nice try - you spelled everything correctly, which not every presenter can claim. Your thoughts are valid (because they're yours!), and progressively expressed -- and who could question or gainsay the personal honesty within? You have, more or less, accomplished Stage One of writing a poem - it is from your experience, and it says everything that your wanted it to say. Next steps are in any order you wish, but if you are going to present a poem, you are presenting your work, the baby of your creation, and the nuts and bolts of your literary reputation. DO NOT LET A POEM OUT INTO THE VIEWING WORLD WITHOUT NUMEROUS PROOFREADS. You are missing punctuation, some capitals are wrong, etc. Many treat their work as if God and the muses struck them, and think perfection has arrived, as written. This doesn't usually work. Proofread! It is your reputation, and your structure. If bad, people won't read you or take you seriously. Be right, and then let the power of your words strike your reader without distraction. Next stage ...inspect every word and assess if they give you all the meaning and impact that you want. Get rid of mediocre words, words with no flavor or color or beauty. Make your poem a thing of literary glory, no matter how mundane the subject or simple the verse. Your words are your tools, your weapons, your helpmates - they speak for you. Make them say something interesting. Make them memorable, and above the common crowd of like writers. ...And there, per request, is my two cents' and 52 years of writing input. Enjoy your craft, and being good at it takes hard work sometimes. But it is worth it. SPP

Tue, January 5th, 2021 12:47am

Author
Reply

Okay, first WOW 289 words. Most people don't even take 5 seconds to comment, let alone write a paragraph. THANK YOU! I really appreciate it. Haven't read it yet but you made my day. Even if the comment is all criticism, you took your time to comment.

Yeah, I agree!! I'll make sure to proofread everything from now on! I admit that I just write a poem and don't proofread it BUT yes, I take spelling seriously. Other parts of writing aren't my strong suit. My only slight disagreement is what if I want missing punctuation and "wrong" capitals. After all, it is my work. Maybe it's how I want it to be. But I completely understand that people might not like that. However, I'm writing for myself more than others.

You have motivated me to improve my writing, I will try but I can't guarantee I'll succeed.
Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart

Mon, January 4th, 2021 5:50pm

Criss Sole

Great poem.
I am guessing this was a gymnastic routine? I remembered right away i had one of those when i was 12. It was not a competition though.
I was definitely nervous and excited. You captured those feelings very well here.
I really enjoyed it.

Sat, January 16th, 2021 3:16pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much. Yes, it was a gymnastics routine. I'm glad you could relate. :)

Mon, January 18th, 2021 11:26am

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