an acceptable prejudice

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic


An acceptable prejudice

 

How often do you express your judgement of someone to their face?

I am just as to blame as the rest of humanity. Everyone at one time or another has either discriminated or whispered a poisoned word into a friend’s ear for a laugh. Usually, you feel like shit afterwards. Sometimes, you might even be extra nice to the person later, even though they are unaware your insulting comment, because you feel like such a shite.  Which is as it should be.  Who wants to know every insult secretly directed at them?  Not me.

It is said that if you are truly an ally you will stand up against:

  • Racism.
  • Sexism.
  • Ageism.
  • Classism.
  • Homophobia.
  • Nationalism.
  • Religious prejudice.
  • Xenophobia

Or any other types of prejudice or bigotry you may witness.

Now, I know we all don’t always take a stand. I also know sometimes we turn away not to get involved. Moreover, some of us have voiced our outrage about racism, sexism, etc. so many times that others go out of their way not to flex their bigoted opinions around you thus making you believe it no longer exist. Guess what, prejudice exists. Guess what else, none are acceptable.

Okay, okay I have not told you anything you don’t already know. So here it is, there is one more prejudice I haven’t listed because it is comical and acceptable. It is so pathetic that many of you will wonder how I can compare it to any on the above list. Except for religious prejudice a person cannot control to who or to where they are born. And in the case of religious bias basic human nature makes it difficult to exit the religion you were born into. A deep seeded belief planted at birth.

 

When I think of deep seeded beliefs, I also include prejudice into that category. And so, part of me wants to forgive the judgy person(s) in question. A small part. A larger part thinks refusal to continually educate oneself and spending a long adulthood believing only in what was taught to you during a short childhood is unacceptable. Maybe this is my prejudice?

 

Is it acceptable when you meet me in person?

 Your face to my face.

To say what you think.

Will you say it out loud or will you wait until later to express secretly to your friends?

 I honestly hope you do it in secret because I don’t want to know what you think.

Unfortunately, I have been told (ad nauseam) what you think.

  • “if only you ate like I do you would look like me.”
  • “I am only concerned for your health”
  • “You have such a pretty face, but no one can notice it with all that extra”
  • “What did you eat today? I can smell your blood sugar, it smells bad”

And my personal favorite:

  • “it is the first thing you notice so it isn’t a prejudice to comment on it. If you don’t think I should say anything you should change it”

WHAT!!!

How is my body any of your business?????

This is what I think. I don’t say it. I just walk away.

 

I am going to tell you something that fat people like me don’t talk about. Hell, some of them don’t even know because we have that deep seeded belief that being fat is a personal sin against the world and are too embarrassed to stick up for ourselves. So here it is…

 

You are ugly too.

 

I know petty right. I am not trying to insult you. All I am saying is if I went around saying things to your face like:

“if you used the anti-wrinkle cream I use you wouldn’t look so old”

“if you fixed your smile you might have more friends”

“I am only concerned for you because you know what they say; bad breath is how you know you have…(insert terrible disease here)

 

I think if I answered all insults about overweightness with remarks like these, I would be considered petty. My comments are not as serious as being unattractively overweight. I am not only an eye sore but a sinner. Obviously, I am a glutton. There can be no other reason. Say, genes or stress or anxiety or chemical imbalance or thyroid or fear…

 

You know that kid in kindergarten who couldn’t swim or speak or tie his shoe? All the other good-hearted kids want to help. They would tie his shoe or speak for him. The teacher let her miss swimming class. Then one day, maybe during summer vaca or on a long weekend, the kid learns to swim, speak, tie his shoe. He/she is happy and excited until they go back to school. Suddenly she/he who is known for being unable to do something is afraid to show that they can. Instead, they continue as they have until something changes. Maybe change schools or friends or age….

That is how I feel about losing weight.  Don’t get me wrong it is fucking hard and I have tried and failed on just about every diet. But those days of losing are bittersweet. In my own home I am triumphant but outside I face unwanted questions and compliments about my body.

“Wow, how much have you lost”

“what are you doing differently”

“You look better, do you feel better?”

“You look so good!”

 

“Thank you” I reply but in my head I am thinking “Fuck-you”

It is false bravado and I not only questioning who my friends are but also myself. Maybe I should just stay the way I am and not worry about what they really think of me. Not dieting is so much easier and not listening to my friends and family tell me how I look better is super easy.

 

If you have read this far you are dying to tell me the health benefits of diet and exercise…. Have you learned nothing? The point is it is my body how many times should I say it??

 

 In one sense we are all the same so it stands to reason that we can all be thin all the time.

“I am 5”2” we are practically the same height and I weigh 110lbs so should you. all you need to do is start living the way I do.”

 

Also, we are all different, giving each of us the chance to believe we are special, “I come from a long line of people who believe in not eating or always eating…(insert food belief here)”

 

But god forbid any of us are hard to look at.

I am acutely aware of how much space I take up

I am acutely aware of how unattractive I am

Most of the time I love me.

Of course, I want to be thin and healthy. Of course, I want to be pretty and attractive, but I also want to just be me. Getting there how and when I can…if I can.

I don’t want to hear about how or why you don’t love me

Please keep your comments (good or bad) about my body to yourself

I was born to this earth in the same manner you were and will leave it (not necessarily in the same way) all the same. You have no more rights, entitlements, or intelligence than I

But I am fat

I can accept this


Submitted: January 05, 2021

© Copyright 2021 p.a.m. All rights reserved.

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