The Prank, a 10-minute play

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

A patient pranking her doctor is a joke until it isn't. Dark comedy.

This comedy is one of eight short plays in the "Random Nature of Life" series which was translated into Spanish and performed in June 2018 in Oaxaca, Mexico.

CHARACTERS

A: a patient, a female

B: a doctor

TIME

The Present

PLACE

Some place

 

1.

 

A

You said you’d help me.

 

B

And I will.

 

A

You won’t back out?

 

B

No.

 

A

Everyone else has.

 

B

I’m not them.

 

A

That’s encouraging.

 

B

I always keep my word.

 

A

This could test that.

 

B

We’ll see.

 

A

You don’t know the task.

 

B

It doesn’t matter.

 

A

It’s extreme.

 

B

Extreme doesn’t scare me.

 

A

I’ve had a good life.

 

2.

 

B

Better than good.

 

A

Almost perfect.

 

B

I wouldn’t go that far.

 

A

As lives go.

 

B

Better than most.

 

A

Better than most.

 

B

Successful business.

 

A

I’m rich.

 

B

Quite rich!

 

A

But, not happy.

 

B

Really?

 

A

I’m not into things.

 

B

What then?

 

A

Experiences.

 

B

Such as.

 

3.

 

A

Saving that woman.

 

B

From her burning car.

 

A

Right place, right time.

 

B

You’re a hero.

 

A

No, but it was fulfilling.

 

B

You were on CNN.

 

A

I didn’t want that.

 

B

What else?

 

A

Winning the spelling bee.

 

B

When?

 

A

Fifth grade.

 

B

Good experience?

 

A

Good? Great! The best!

 

B

Why?

 

A

I beat Frank Collins.

 

4.

 

B

Who was that?

 

A

Smartest kid in the class.

 

B

Good for you.

 

A

My greatest moment growing up.

 

B

You’ve had a full life.

 

A

Yes.

 

B

Many achievements and memories.

 

A

Yes. There’s another. Happened yesterday.

 

B

Let me guess.

 

A

No problem.

 

B

I know you well.

 

A

Then it should be easy.

 

B

You won the lottery?

 

A

You don’t know me.

 

B

Why not?

 

5.

 

A

I don’t play the lottery.

 

B

One time we played.

 

A

Yeah, jackpot was a billion.

 

B

Never again?

 

A

Never. Next guess.

 

B

You’re dating your personal trainer.

 

A

That’s so shallow.

 

B

You’re shallow.

 

A

I am not.

 

B

You used to be.

 

A

Not anymore.

 

B

Prove it.

 

A

How?

 

B

See that guy over there?

 

A

The one with five chins?

 

6.

 

B

Yes. I know him.

 

A

Would I date him?

 

B

Great singer. Wicked SOH.

 

A

SOH?

 

B

Sense of humor. Fabulous cook.

 

A

Probably taken.

 

 

He’s not.

 

A

Not?

 

B

Not.

 

A

Wow. I don’t know. Tempting.

 

B

I’ll call him over.

 

A

I’ll kill you.

 

B

Still shallow.

 

A

I have standards.

 

B

So, no personal trainer?

 

7.

 

A

No. Last guess.

 

B

(thinking) I give up.

 

A

You wanna hint?

 

B

Ok.

 

A

What’s my favorite sport?

 

B

Golf. Oh my god!

 

A

What?!

 

B

You didn’t. No, you did!

 

A

Did what?

 

B

You made a hole-in-one! Congratulations!

 

A

Thanks. What a thrill!

 

B

So hard to do.

 

A

Perfection.

 

B

Exactly.

 

A

It’s also the end.

 

8.

 

B

End of playing golf?

 

A

End of living.

 

B

That’s funny.

 

A

I’m serious.

 

B

You can’t be.

 

A

Why not?

 

B

It’s crazy!

 

A

People commit suicide every day.

 

B

Every hour, maybe, but still...

 

A

So, you think I’m crazy.

 

B

Not in a clinical sense.

 

A

I’m perfectly sane.

 

B

Ok, then explain your decision.

 

A

I’ve achieved perfection.

 

B

That’s your reason.

 

9.

 

A

Nothing more to live for.

 

B

You can find perfection again.

 

A

How?

 

B

Bowling.

 

A

I’d rather be dead.

 

B

There must be something else.

 

A

Stop it. I’ve decided.

 

B

I want a better reason.

 

A

Go out on top.

 

B

That’s bullshit.

 

A

It’s not.

 

B

You must have other goals.

 

A

None I can’t live without.

 

B

Or die. What about Africa?

 

A

What about it?

 

10.

 

B

You’ve always wanted to go.

 

A

Haven’t been lotsa places.

 

B

Well, there you go.

 

A

Perfection in travel is difficult.

 

B

There’s travel perfection?

 

A

Sure. Visit every country.

 

B

Yeah, go for that!

 

A

I’m rich, not Gates rich.

 

B

True.

 

A

It’s a hassle. Tickets. Hotels.

 

B

Your mind’s made up.

 

A

Yes.

 

B

Suicide it is.

 

A

Suicide it is.

 

B

What’s your plan?

 

11.

 

A

You mean the method?

 

B

Yes.

 

A

I’m not sure. Look.

 

(A opens the backpack and takes out some rope, a bottle of pills and a knife)

 

B

No imagination.

 

A

What about the subway?

 

B

Also trite.

 

A

Any creative ideas?

 

B

A pit of poisonous snakes.

 

A

Sounds painful.

 

B

Very poisonous snakes. Quick death.

 

A

Where would I find them?

 

B

I know someone. A herpetologist.

 

A

A herpe-what?

 

B

Herpetologist. Person who studies snakes.

12.

 

A

Really?

 

B

Works at a university.

 

A

You’re going to help me?

 

B

Of course.

 

A

But, you’re my doctor.

 

B

And your friend.

 

A

You’re supposed to dissuade me.

 

B

It’s your wish. When? Tomorrow?

 

A

No.

 

B

The sooner the better.

 

A

No, I’m only joking.

 

B

Joking?

 

A

(laughs) Yeah. A prank.

 

B

A prank.

 

A

With a new twist.

 

13.

 

B

What’s that?

 

A

Patient gives doctor bad news.

 

B

Unique.

 

A

Are you mad?

 

B

Am I mad?

 

A

Yeah, mad, angry, pissed.

 

B

Nah, but here’s a suggestion.

 

A

Go see a psychiatrist?

 

B

No. Follow through with it.

 

A

I told you. A joke.

 

B

It’ll be quicker.

 

A

What are you talking about?

 

B

I saw your bloodwork results.

 

A

Ah, my cholesterol kinda high?

 

B

You have a rare disease.

 

14.

 

A

You’re kidding, right?

 

B

A blood disease.

 

A

This is a revenge prank.

 

B

There’s a treatment.

 

A

I’m sorry I pranked you.

 

B

Chance of survival is 30%.

 

A

You’re serious aren’t you?

 

B

What’s your decision? Treatment? Suicide?

 

A

Shit.

 

(Lights down)

 

THE END


Submitted: January 20, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Michael Licwinko. All rights reserved.

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