Air

Reads: 28  | Likes: 1  | Shelves: 2  | Comments: 1

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Fighting for air and your life.

I’m constantly treading water and can barely keep my head above water. If I stop, I drown. If I keep going, I live. But I am so God damn tired. My legs want to give out, my arms can barely move. I’m sputtering and gasping for air. Where is the air? I thought that was one of our freedoms in life. A deep breath of fresh air. But no, we have to fight for that air. We have to try our damnedest every day to get a taste of that air. Even when you finally get that big gulp of air you’ve been hoping for, it’s unfamiliar. There’s something wrong with it. It tastes rotten, like it’s not for me. There must be something wrong with me, with the air. It’s changed. This isn’t how it used to taste or feel. Now it stings my nose and burns my throat. It used to smell like fresh cut grass and flowers. Pies baking and pumpkin seeds. The first snowfall and hot coffee. Crisp fall air and apples. Now I don’t smell any of that. I can only hold my breath and hope I make it. One more minute, a few seconds maybe. Count.  One, two, three, four… God my body hurts, my heart hurts, my soul hurts. How did I end up here? How do I ever get out? Will I ever get out? Maybe I should just give up. I wouldn’t have to hurt anymore. I wouldn’t have to struggle or gasp or burn anymore. I could take in a deep breath of water and feel my lungs fill up. Bringing me down slowly, silently into the darkness of the water. I’m not scared of what’s in the water. I’m not scared of falling downward. I’m scared of how long I can hold on. They need me to keep trying. I don’t know if I can. She needs me to breathe and I need air to breathe and my whole body is so tired. My mind is entangled like a jungle with thick vines, air so thick you can feel it when you wave your hand through it, but mostly danger. Danger of the unknown, in the places you can’t see. You know where you’ve been and you know the dangers you’ve faced but there is always danger lurking in the distance. I feel it watching me like a tiger watches its prey. It waits. It’s patient. It makes slow, deliberate movements. When you slow for a moment it attacks, pounces on the unsuspecting. The water flows into my lungs, the tiger pounces on my back, she’s never going to forgive me. Please know I fought for so long. I fought so hard for you because you needed me to be your air. But I needed air, I needed help. I needed to rest. I can rest now.


Submitted: January 20, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Willow Rolyn. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Grace Anders

This is a roller coaster. It is interesting and sad and true. I know this is just a story, but, dang, that was deep.

Thu, January 21st, 2021 12:17am

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Thank you so much! I'm so excited someone actually read let alone liked it.

Wed, January 20th, 2021 4:24pm

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