Tall, Overweight, And Socially Inept

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Tall, Overweight, And Socially Inept (TOASI) is as honest a depiction of childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood as I could possibly make it. This story was written partly in real-time, partly looking back after years of introspective reflection.

TOASI charts the life of Oscar Blomqvist from the suburbs of Stockholm to college-town America. From starting school to leaving university. It follows Oscar as he struggles to understand his classmates and their struggle to understand him.

Readers get to enter the rather complicated world of teenage masculinity as Oscar gets dragged into various adventures by his teammates, which chronicles and explains why he missed out on so many staples of the teenage years. The narrative deals with mental health issues, sex, friendships, and relationships in straightforward and humorous ways.

Oscar's way of being and thinking leads him to look at the world around him from the outside, trying to understand why people are the way they are and why they act the way they act.

If you’ve ever felt out of place, you know the feeling.

Table of Contents

A pig, a cow, an Östervalla resident


We start out in suburban Stockholm where Oscar is about to start school. During his first couple of years, he realizes that things may not turn out quite as he had hoped when it comes to making
friends.
Read Chapter

How To Be A Gubbe


Mikael-the-supplies-guy was a no-nonsense kind of guy. "Hey Mikael, do you have any tape?" "Do they eat rice in China?" Okay, maybe he was a bit xenophobic.
Read Chapter

To Call A Spade A Spatula


At times, I was told to “Go pick on someone my own size.” The only problem was that if they did exactly that, I would never have had to straddle their torsos while repeatedly burying my fists in
their agonized little faces.
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I Like The Way Your Boy Plays The Game


“Hey, I like the way your boy plays the game,” they would say right after I plowed their firstborn into a wall. Maybe they thought their boys needed roughing up, but was happy I did it for them
since hitting your kids is illegal.
Read Chapter

Dryhumping On An Air Mattress


It took Mikael approximately two seconds after the ball was once more in play, to scream “Fuck him, fuck him in the ass!!” as one of his teammates tried to steal the ball. Two fucking seconds. You
can imagine what happened next. We ran. A lot.
Read Chapter

Shouting At A Paraplegic To Get Up And Walk


“USE YOUR BRAIN!!!” I would shout at him. I struggled to answer questions that were so dumb they didn’t need answers, or shouldn’t need them at least. After I did that, Veronika would give me a
talking to, and I saw her point, I basically just shouted at a paraplegic to get up and walk.
Read Chapter

The Last Fucknut In This Craphouse


I’ve punched a lot of nine-year-olds in my life. Which sounds awful if you don’t mention that I was also nine when I did that. Maybe to most of you, it sounds awful that I’ve punched anyone at all,
regardless of how old I, or the receiver of the punches, were.
Read Chapter

Luckily, She Was Well Aware That Her Son Was A Cuntface Shithead


Usually, people made it clear that I was a fucking idiot in their eyes, to my face, with no sugarcoating whatsoever.
Read Chapter

Hello Death, My Old Friend


He walked up to me, grabbed my face with both his hands, and started kneading it like dough. My eyes were darting back and forth between his hands in complete confusion.
Read Chapter

Controlling The Boner Through Chronic Masturbation


During one of the years at university, the closest I got to sex was someone else's girlfriend somehow accidentally biting my ear… I liked it. Or maybe I was just starved of attention. Or maybe
both.
Read Chapter

Fucking Hypocrite


There’s no place more romantic than where more than a million people have died in a number of awful ways, is there?
Read Chapter

High School


Finally, I hovered the mouse over my own face. The tag read “retard.” Turns out I had them all down to a T all along.
Read Chapter

Life’s Not Worth Living If You Fail At It


Suicide doesn’t mean anything anymore. Regret sending a text? Kill yourself. Spilled coffee all over your lap? Don’t clean it up, jump off a roof, suicide solves everything.
Read Chapter

The Global Young Leaders Conference


But her skirt was short and her cleavage deep, so it wasn’t like anyone wanted her to go away. And of course, there were a couple of hot underage Australian girls who liked to take up more space
than they could handle and wear tight dresses and then sit down on the floor making it impossible not to stare at their crotch.
Read Chapter

I Don’t Tell Yo Momma Jokes, I Tell My Momma Jokes


I freely admit that I have some mommy issues. It's the weird, unsexy version of a girl’s daddy issues. Not that daddy issues are universally sexy, just to people with applicable fetishes.
Read Chapter

Harry Potter And The Enlarged Ego


People who related to Voldemort during their teens will either become neo-Nazis or write about how they used to be pathetic cunts. Thankfully, I’m of the latter variety.
Read Chapter

The Greatest Country In The World


I’ve never been terribly nationalistic or patriotic. But with the rise of populism, Sweden has gone from an internationally admired country to one that has been used by far-right powers as a stick
with which to beat their opponents into submission.
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The Van Gogh Of The Art Of Self-Hatred


Being the Van Gogh of the art of self-hatred, it was quite hard to figure out why I should’ve even put myself out there. First of all, there’s no such thing as the friend zone, the truth is that
people just don’t want to fuck you, that’s all it is.
Read Chapter

Being The Clever Kid One Last Time


I guess it must’ve bothered me when my parents decided to send my sister to therapy when I was the one making a things-I-have-to-do-before-20-bucket-list with items like: · Go skydiving minus the
parachute · Go Bungy jumping minus the Bungy · Die
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Time To Get The Fuck Out


I got into my dorm room and sat on the chair. The chair broke. So, I’ll have to say that my first impression of university life in the UK wasn’t that good. I probably needed to lose some weight.
Read Chapter

Trying And Failing To Be Funny


“Oscar, you can’t use that picture, you look like someone who kills your wife and rapes your daughter,” she exclaimed for the entire class to hear.
Read Chapter


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Recent Comments

Eraser

Good start. Enjoyed your glimpse into the start of your elementary school experience.

Fri, February 26th, 2021 4:44am

Author
Reply

Thanks!

Fri, February 26th, 2021 1:34pm

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