Larry Slade is Full of It: Act 2, Scene 1

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic

Jane, Alex, and Vic wait to see a doctor.




Waiting room, around noon the following day. 


The room is antiseptic, perfectly arranged—both inhuman and terribly real. A purgatory. ALEX paces back and forth, JANE stares at a magazine for the duration of the scene, until she rises to speak. VIC sits, fidgeting.


VIC: If no else is gonna say it, I will. 150/94 doesn't sound too hot!


ALEX: Don't think about it right now, Dad. That'll make it worse. 


VIC: Worse for who?


ALEX: Whom, I believe. 


VIC: Good grammar's racist anyway. 


ALEX: Oh, please! You used to correct us all the time when we were growing up. 


VIC: Well, it's fun to tell kids they're wrong. They sure love to do it to you. 


ALEX: Kids don't know any better, Dad. 


VIC: Oh, sure they don't. 


ALEX: I can't believe you're doing this now. Here. You're about to hear... Just try to stay calm. 


VIC: About to hear what? You can't even say it, can you?


ALEX: Well, when they ask you to come in, when they don't just tell you on the phone...


VIC: That ain't too hot either. 


ALEX: No. 


Well, fuck it. I know what to expect. You smoke and drink and eat shit and don't exercise and do some blow every so often and have a shit attitude in general, well, your heart's gonna crap out sooner than later.  But you're gonna die pretty fuckin' soon too, sweetheart. 


ALEX: Charming.


Daddy, you have to stop this right now! Please!


(As they continue talking, the DOCTOR comes in, observes them coldly for a while before speaking.)


VIC: Look, honey, you gotta know when I'm fuckin' around.


ALEX: You're always fuckin' around.


JANE: Stop!!!!!


(And for a moment, they do, but then the DOCTOR approaches.)


DOCTOR: Excuse me? Should I give you folks a minute?


ALEX: No, we're fine.




VIC: You heard my daughter. Let me have it.


DOCTOR: Well, sir, I'm afraid I have some rather bad news.


VIC: Okay.


DOCTOR: Your test results indicate several occlusions in the primary--


VIC: Come on! Cut that shit out!


DOCTOR: You could have a heart attack. Any day now.


VIC: Okay.


DOCTOR: You will need to radically transform your lifestyle.


VIC: Okay.


DOCTOR: Before we can even consider an operation.


So we're done here?


DOCTOR: I have some pamphlets.


VIC: No. No pamphlets.


JANE: I want them.


VIC: I said no pamphlets.


ALEX: Asshole.


DOCTOR: I really should let you folks--


VIC: What, and miss out on all the fun? I won't allow it.


Stop! Stop it! Stop it now! Just stoooooooop!!!!!! 


(VIC goes over to comfort her.)


VIC: Honey, it's alright--


You're a monster! 


VIC: I know it, sweetie.


ALEX: Oh, cut the bullshit!


DOCTOR: This is really quite inappropriate--


ALEX and VIC: Shut up!


(VIC looks at her and almost laughs. ALEX smirks. JANE pushes him away. VIC looks at her.)


JANE: You know what, Daddy? If you want to die, that might be alright with you. It's not with me. I can't hate you like she does.


ALEX: Hey!


JANE: And I can't laugh at it like you can. But you know what I bet? I bet it's gonna get scary. Because you just might be wrong. There might be someone keeping score after all. 


VIC: There's not.


JANE: Bullshit.


(They stare at each other a moment. Finally, he looks away.)


ALEX: She's right, you know.


(He somehow looks further away. A long pause.)


DOCTOR: Folks, I'm sorry to deign to speak, but I do have other patients. Sir, if I were you you, I would listen to my daughter. You can make an appointment on the way out. Or not. Good day.


(He goes to the door, turns the knob, looks back once more, and steps out, just as VIC speaks.)


VIC: Wait!




VIC: Alright. You can have the pamphlets, Jane...In fact...I guess I should take some for myself.

End Scene.

Submitted: January 26, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Tony Chiba. All rights reserved.

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