"Ballad Of A Vet: Chapter 1"

Reads: 107  | Likes: 2  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 2

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic


I've stood on the front lines, listening to battle cries while pushing against the tides. Blood and dust was before my eyes, while I watched fellow comrades lose their lives.

I've broken through strongholds, killed young and old innocents with no intentions, mind full of tension, trying to subdue an enemy full of enmity; a dangerously rebellious coalition. Personally, i must admit to thee, mentally there's a solo inner mission building and ticking away innerly without any cognition.

I once had a premonition that I stepped on a brain, it swelled up with pressure until combustion and my blood was pressed against a wall. I remember afterwards feeling pressured to go AWOL. But the thought didn't last long.

I really should've had a permanent intermission. But I stayed around and pushed forward through the dreadful repetition. The higher ups told me to endure the bombarding of killing on the outer and inner me; basically recondition. Supposedly, I should've been back in military form, like a new acquisition. Instead I started to dislike this military uniform, a total opposition. 
 


Submitted: January 26, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Myles_Harris. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Steven P. Pody

Myles, the only questionable language is "a dangerously coalition". Maybe I don't get it, but recommend dropping the 'ly'. As for the rest, your instincts are good. You flit around like a mind on fire. Trying to keep both sane and you in an insane world is well conveyed and engages the reader. Compelling! Steve

Tue, January 26th, 2021 6:41pm

Author
Reply

Yes, I've questioned myself about the ly in dangerously. No one else has caught it like you or maybe they didn't want shame me but hearing it from a real readers perspective solidifies it needs to be change. It rhymes but doesn't make sense. Thank you for your honesty Steven.

Tue, January 26th, 2021 10:51am

Steven P. Pody

On second thought, you seem to just plain be missing a word after "dangerously" and before "coalition". Pick one, oh poet. Steve

Tue, January 26th, 2021 6:48pm

Author
Reply

Hmm, not a bad idea. I see what you mean. Im just a writer, not an editor of words. So this helps me alot. Thank you

Tue, January 26th, 2021 10:54am

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