Memoir

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

It's all about my journey so far.....

Memoir.......

 

You know life is like a musical journey that every one of us must enjoy from our very soul, we should just forget every shambles of our life and dive into it's mystical essence, some where like a 5th dimensional or some sort of a 'Selcouth' space. But sometimes it just gets too hard for us to even think about it as some sort of journey, all we do is just live it and wait for it too end. We don't survive it so that we could find some meaning to it, we just move on and ''go with the flow'' like a dead fish.

Hello, Myself Sarbani, I am a 19 year old overenthusiastic creature (ha~ha~ha~). Y'all might be wondering, what this 19 year old kid has to say about life? who just started her own journey. Well I just want you guys to know me as a person that's it. After all, you and me, we all live under the same sky. Let me give y'all some insights about my journey so far....

So, here we go.......

On 24th of Dec, I, this enthusiastic creature was born and then my roller coaster ride started. I was born in a place known as Raniganj, which is situated in West Bengal but, when I was about six month, my mom along with me moved to a place called Ballarshah, as my father got a job at this place. There were 8 members in my father's family; my dad, my paternal uncle, my 4 paternal aunts, my grandpa and my grandma. They all lived a poor life in a village, sometimes my father and my uncle used to go to school without eating anything. They had to borrow books from their friends or from any book store to study, damn their life was tough. Then my grandpa decided to give marriages of my aunts and lessen his burdened shoulder, so 3 of my aunts got married and went their new houses. My father got married to my mom in March in the year 2001 and my mom was conceived me soon after that (ha~ha~ha what a rush!...). When I was few months old my uncle died due to kidney failure, I don't have any memories of him as I was just a baby. My grandpa couldn't take this shock and grandpa passed away shortly after my uncle's demise, that left a scar on my family and then my father became the only guardian in our family, he had to take the whole responsibility of our family and his younger sister's marriage (sounds like a movie scene right?). Ah! she loved me a lot and I cried like hell when she was bidding us farewell. After her marriage my grandma decided to stay in our native village alone. She is a great devotee of goddess of Durga and there is a temple just in front of our village house, which is considered as our patrimonial temple, my whole family is super religious except me and my sibling. We both are agnostics fellows we aren't sure about the existence of god, but I still respect "Lord Shiva" as he has some great contribution to the world of meditation and is a very calm soul, I know there is a destructive side too according to Hindu mythology, but I am fascinated by his cool destructive side as well.

My pre-teens, well it was a blast like in every way. I used to enjoy every single children parties along with my buddies (well in India it is your friend's birthday parties which was kind of a big deal to us). Running anywhere, laughing, giggling on small and stupid things, playing every possible games, like it was so hard for our parents to make us stay at home. We didn't care about sun or rain or cold, all we did was play play and play. We were so mischievous that our parents sometimes used to lock us in a room or make us do sit-ups ( damn that was tiring, phew~~) so yeah it was full of punishments and amusements at the same time. During my schooling days, I was an A-student when I was in elementary school, middle school & in high school only till 10th grade, because in 11th and 12th grade I got distracted by all the teenage fusses (no substances and all, just a few dramatic entries and relationships), and also the environment of my high school, where I did my 11th and 12th grade was not an ideal one, so yeah you can say that I pretty much got influenced by my surroundings (such a bummer...!). I use to enjoy every single extracurricular activities during my schooling days. You know I just love singing and dancing, it's like they are engraved in me, but in high school I didn't do either of them, seriously the whole high school was a hellhole, ah! I just hate those 2 years of my life on the academic front, I faced a lot of de-motivational effects and became a pessimistic girl, but on the bright side I just got blessed with great buddies.

On my family front things were quite intense and it all started in the year 2014. My father got demoted from his position and we started facing financial crises. The first few years were good (till 2016), we were all riding on his savings, which he did while being in his before-getting-demoted-position. After that it was a hell of a ride. We almost faced every single type of problems, be it be mental or physical. These things kind of left a huge mark on us (on me and my sibling). We both began compromising stuffs so that my father can make both ends meet. His demotion almost left us indebted to every single known person in our life. I used to feel super bad for my father. I felt like, why am I not a boy who can move out and work for my family? why am I so small and weak? why do I have to be dependent on my father all the time for everything. I felt like I was a worthless 15 year old girl, who can't do anything all she knows is to whine and pity herself (so much for a small brain) but what else could I do apart from studying hard and making my parents proud? as my father wanted me to excel in my academics and become something great, just like every other parent who wants their child to shine bright. We faced a lot during our financial breakdown, but there were people who helped us a lot and gave us strength during our dark nights. We will never forget those faces who showed when needed the most, starting from our neighbours to all the distant friends of my father.

On the other hand, my little sister is not so interested in studies. She is an introvert, who doesn't give a damn about others, but is very emotional when it comes to her own feelings regarding anything, a bit sensitive she is. One day she suddenly messaged me and told everything about, why she struggled opening up to me geez! that broke my heart, because I was the reason. She said that she doesn’t have any close friends, she always thought that, I will ask her about her feelings and everything she's going through. She also said that I am always with my friends, never really give her any attention, never tried to listen to her and then I got a mini heart attack after listening that, as I realized my mistake and felt bad, she even opened about her sexuality and said that, she is 'Asexual' and I was normal because I knew about LGBTQ+ community and happy at the same time when she shared that with me, because she never really unfolded anything to me at all. This breakdown literally helped us grow close to each other, so yeah this thing did happened for a reason an that is to make our bond strong as well as make us mentally tough for future bummers. Now we share every single thing and have each other's back, sometimes we both blackmail each other with our secrets which can get us in trouble from our parents, for getting our work done (he~he~he~) but regardless, I love my sister a lot, I hope she feels good after reading this and don't act imbecile (~ha~ha~).

Now let's talk about my buddies, I had a lot of friends since childhood but only few stayed with me during my tough times, and helped me to get past it, there names goes like this; Isha, Vanshita, Aayushi, Piyush, Tushar and Sambennit. These people always helped me with everything, starting from my studies to my personal needs. When I didn't have courage to do anything, they became my courage and led me to the position where I actually deserve to be. As previously I told you that I was an A-student during my schooling, that kind of made me an egoistic girl who used to belong to a group in which all elite students of our school were there. Isha and Aayushi joined our school in 3rd grade. Isha was a dumb looking intellectual outsider but was actually beautiful if you all have an eye for literal physical beauty it's just, she always came school without proper dress sense. On the other hand Aayushi was a slacker whom barely anyone notices her existence in anything was always unseen and it's still the same. Isha and Aayushi were like literal childhood buddies, I tagged along with them when I was in 1st grade. They were always ready to play with me and I enjoyed it too but it was only when we were at our houses, at school hours whenever Isha tried to approach me I always shoved aside, as I was in an elite group and didn't want to get looked down upon for being with her (such an imbecile kid!!). But Isha on the other hand never treated me bad, she was always kind to me (Ah! I love her). I never got to know Aayushi properly during pre-teens, as she was always quite and an absent soul to me, but eventually we spent time together and grew close and till now she always acts like my mom and takes care of me (Ah! my caring buddy). Isha and I grew closer, when Vanshita entered our lives. Vanshita joined our school in 6th grade. She was just like Isha, and used to come school with two messy side plates and in full school uniform. She and Isha shared same classroom in 6th grade, they both shared same thoughts regarding everything back then. Their personalities were more aligned together, Isha was more her own self in front of Vanshita. Isha was the one who introduced me to Vanshita, we three used to enjoy everything together from the day I detached myself from that elite group, they were so mean to other students who wasn't at their level and kinda hated that. I always knew I never belonged to that group, but still was a part of it to look cool (such a pea-brain I was!).

Aayushi at some point was busy battling with own problems so, she kind of left our side and got engaged in her own stuffs, but whenever she was able to give us time we included her too. At the very first Vanshita and I weren't that close, we were together because of Isha. We used to act like we are close but it was all a facade (he~he~) however one day suddenly we talked our hear out and then we just got immersed in it, topics on topics aroused and we shared same thoughts about them, that was the day when we both got to know about each other a lot and henceforth the boat of our friendship started sailing smoothly and it's intact. Now let me tell you about Piyush, Tushar and Sambennit. Piyush is Isha's younger brother, he and Isha don't get along at all. I am on the other hand is a great buddy of Piyush. I can share anything anytime to him and he is always there to help me. We also kind of had a fling once (ha~ha~ha~), it was fun though. Our bond is literally strong, and I am thankful to him a lot, though he teases me for small things (that little jerk), he always pushes me to do what I love and compliments whenever he feels so. Tushar and I like never got along well during school days. I never liked him, but Sam and I were good friends. We both use to talk and take part in dance competitions. It was in 10th grade when our friendship lengthened more, as we got know about each other a lot because we both used to sit together during our classes chat a lot, and he was impressed by my thoughts on several topics, so we still are in contact with each other and have fun whenever we can. Tushar and I got along in 11th grade, he helped my parents a lot with all their stuffs and also helped me with all my study materials when I was struggling financially. He used to visit my house every now and then and kind of won my parents' heart. His helping kind of made me feel indebted, that's why I didn't open up to him or told him whenever he was wrong and that triggered our fights. Geez! we used to fight like anything, but he never stopped helping me and that was very sweet of him. Now we don't fight, we talk out things maturely, he changed a lot for good. I have one more buddy in my life, I call him dumbo, well his name is Jai. He and I were also classmates, I kind of had a crush on him because of his jawlines (boom! he was good looking), and I kind of get attracted to a person who has nice jawlines, eyes, voice or smile. Jai and I didn't talk too much during school days, he loved this one girl and was busy pursuing her, my crush for him was gone the day when I got know about her. Because he literally loved her a lot, so why to bother them. You know he was so shy to even talk to her that it took him years to take things further (he~he~he~), now they are finally together an happy. I admire him for his true love for her. Our actual friendship stared after 12th grade through instagram. We used to talk a lot, like a whole night, an it was so much fun. Every single friend of mine never judged me for anything, They let me fall in a pit and helped me learn my mistakes on my own, and seriously with their help I evolved a lot, I love them and thank them with my whole heart and soul.

So here was a little snippet of my life, I know there's more to it and I am eagerly for it. I am super excited for all the uncertainties it holds, for me and my loved ones. Just so you know, we can't be like a fish who goes with the flow of the current, we have to face the strong current and push ourselves against it no matter what. We have to stand all the stereotypes and give it hard punch and crush it bad. We all are like a "Phoenix", who rises from the ashes. It's us who can build ourselves for our own future, a future where there are no judgements, no hate, no grievances. Where love is love, a love which knows no boundaries; boundaries of cast, race, gender or mentalities, because it's a pure thing and we can't contaminate it with all our appalling desires. Hereby I complete my novelette, Adios!

 

 

 

 


Submitted: January 28, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Sarbani. All rights reserved.

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