The Five Essentials Of Marriage: A Must Have

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Wisdom Warehouse

The Essentials that are foundational to the survival of a marriage relationship.

The Five Essentials Of Marriage: A Must Have

The survival of a marriage is not determined by being married to the right person only but also through the investment of certain essential that guarantees it to stand the test of time. Wise couples realize that material things such as a nice home, a car or money may appear great but, they do not make a marriage successful or survive. 

These couples understand that there are more important principles at play. If material things could save a marriage from collapsing, then we wouldn't have the richest folks involved in messy divorce. It is much far wiser to learn to invest your money, energy and time into the essential principles of a healthy and "forever" lasting marriage. 

Below are the essential principles of a healthy marriage: 

1.Love/Commitment

A lot of people confuse love with feelings. There is more to love than just feelings. Feelings are just emotions released by a chunk of chemicals such as dopamine, oxtocin etc. Love is a decision to commit to another person backed up by a  choice made out of free will. It is a decision to stay committed through thick and thin, ups and downs, highs and lows and the good and the bad. When things are going well, commitment is as easy as chewing gum. But, true love is shown by remaining committed even in the middle of the trials of life.

2.Time/Dedication

As life gets busy in the world of the married, they tend to neglect their relationship by focusing on other things such as work, the kids and social obligations. All these things will take every bit of time you have and even more if couples do not manage them.

Many married folks reflect back at the beginning of their relationship with fondness. They remember all the dates, adventurous trips and happy moments they used to enjoy together, discovering each other and learning about each other. Unfortunately it ended there in courtship. After courtship it went South.

Their marriage relationship is left longing. No more date nights out, no more trips. Listen, relationships don't work without investing time. They never have and they never will, get that clearly. Any successful relationship requires intentional quality time together.

The relationship with your spouse should be the most intimate and deep relationship you can have. Therefore, it is going to require more time each day for your partner. There are three main ways to make time for your partnership. You have to make time to talk, time to date and time to connect physically. 

Time to talk

This includes conversations about what is working well and what is isn't within your relationship. Making time to communicate about your relationship will help you avoid conflicts in the future and help you feel like a team not competitors. Work together against the chaos of this world not against each other. 

•Time to date

A date night out once in a while wouldn't hurt you. Life cannot be all work and no play as this would make you a dull couple. So a night out to focus and concentrate on connecting and enjoying each other's company as a couple, helps to strengthen your relationship. This could be anything from a fancy dinner, a walk in the park with your pets or going to the beach if you have one in your area of residence. 

Sacrificing a little time to re-establish your romantic connection will strengthen your relationship. It will be like making a deposit into your relationship's emotional bank account, so that when you need to make a withdrawal in the future, your relationship can afford it. As the rule stands, you cannot withdraw what you have not deposited, so it is vital to invest quality time with each other for your relationship.

It is so sad to note that many couples have become strangers in their homes. They only meet during meals and when they retire to bed during the night. The gap in their emotional connection is as a result of spending too much time apart. I hope you learn one or two things here. Find time to make time for each other.

•Time to connect physically

This area is the backbone of the entire relationship. This critical area is often sacrificed to the gods of exhaustion. Many couples find it difficult to maintain physical connection once the daily business of living gets done with them. I'm not saying you should set up a roaster of when to roll between the sheets with your partner. Just make up time to physically connect with your spouse, honor it and do what feels right to the both of you in that moment. It could be a shower together, a massage, a back rub, piggy-backing each other, embracing each other, kissing and penetrative s*x. 

It isn't about the activities that you do, it is about maintaining your physical connection to help maintaining your relationship. But remember, too much of everything is dangerous. I'm not saying you should be inseparable everytime, no. A healthy relationship always require alone or solitude time for each partner. Solitude is very important in a marriage relationship because it gives each spouse time to recharge their emotional batteries, reflect on self and solve their personal challenges and unwinding the built up stress. As you set aside time to be with each other, don't forget to set aside alone time as well.

3.Communication

The saying goes, there is no relationship without communication. Therefore, communication is the lifeblood to the survival of any healthy relationship. Healthy marriage partners communicate  as much as possible. They almost discuss about everything that concerns their lives and family being it kids, work schedules, grocery list and utility bills. They don't stop there. They also talk about dreams, aspirations, hopes fears and anxieties. This essential key cannot be overlooked because it becomes the foundation for so many other things on this list; commitment, patience, trust etc.

4.Maturity

Maturity enables couples to stick it out when the going gets tough and to let go of negative feelings. Mature people love their partners unconditionally and do not stay focused on resentments or imperfections. We all have immature moments but, truly immature people will consistently have many unapologetically childish moments. Pay careful attention to how he or she acts when events don't go his or her way. 

Never marry anyone with the implied guarantee that you or time will change that person. If you know that you are not mature, take some time to develop first  and wait to get married. But if you're already married then you need to invest in yourself by attending marriage seminars, reading books about marriage and relationships and ask for direction and guidance from God through prayer.

Being immature does not make you less valuable as a person; however, it just means that you need to grow and experience life more before stepping into the adulthood role of husband or wife. Joshua L. Liabam quoted, "Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values"

 The word maturity simply means full development in age. But in this context it is beyond being developed only in age but also in four major areas of life that is spiritually, physically, financially and emotionally. There are four stages of maturity which you must have to be able to confidently say yes l'm fully ready for embracing on the journey of marriage. 

You must have been able to define life that is to outline a clear meaning to life. Listen, l'm not saying you must do some rehearsal before you get married but, l'm actually telling you that there are some stages you must be found matured before finally deciding to enter into marriage. Why am l saying this? It is because knowing and understanding these stages very clearly is a great way for you to get yourself familiar to every necessary things you are required to have before entering into marriage and thus fairly prepared for the adventure. Below are the four stages of maturity:

Physical Maturity 

Before you jump into the ship of marriage, you must understand that you need to be mature physically before deciding to tie the knot. This is because, marriage is not for boys and girls who do not know the difference between white and black.

According to research, divorce cases are more rampant in the marriage of those who are not old enough. This implies that you ought to have had at least some ideas and knowledge of what it takes to be a husband or wife before plunging into marriage. However, the fact that you are mature physically that is in age doesn't determine your maturity which means you have to be mature in three other stages before you can be absolutely declared "mature to marry".

Financial Maturity

Nowadays, it's unwise for you as an individual to enter into marriage without a sure steady source of income. Being financially mature doesn't mean you must have thousands of dollars or be a millionaire before you get married. But, to avoid financial crisis in marriage, both spouses to be are highly advised to make sure that they have at least a paying job that ensures steady income.

This is naked truth that without financial maturity a woman or man can easily becomes useless in the home and family generally. Therefore, every woman inorder to avoid becoming a liability to the man in the home, needs a paying job, or any profitable business that brings income.

Also for a man to avoid becoming useless and disgraced in the home before his wife and children, needs a paying job that generates steady income for the entire family.A lot of things will call for finance even after marriage so both spouses must think beyond the wedding expenses if they are to be successful in their marriage.

Emotional Maturity

Emotional maturity is the ability to understand, control and manage your emotions (feelings). This stage has been confirmed to be one of the major stages of maturity needed by every marriage partner especially men. Inorder to have a successful and healthy dealings with each other in marriage. 

Emotional maturity is the ability to control your emotions instead of letting them mess you up. Being emotionally matured means you are able to check your emotions, evaluate your spouse's emotional state and to bring the situation under control.

Spiritual Maturity

If you are not a Christian or not born again, you may fail to understand this very well but, it is very crucial that you understand it. This is because if only you are mature physically but, a baby spiritually then marriage maybe dangerous for you. There are at least fourteen kinds of storms that blows against the boat of marriage. 

If you don't have Jesus in that boat then you are doomed to drown. You may not accept this but, it is a rare reality that you may not even hear from any marriage counseling experts. But, the truth is that it is very real that you will face many battles to fight with the flesh, the world and the devil. Therefore, you need spiritual tools weapons to be able to engage into spiritual warfare.

The Word of God says we do not wrestle against flesh and blood which means we are fighting with something which is spiritual in nature that is demons, principalities and evil forces (Ephesians 6:12). You need to grow to some extent in the knowledge of our LORD Jesus Christ and Saviour through his Word in the Bible.

Above all you need to be prayerful. Prayer gives God the permission to intervene into your affairs and endeavors. In view of that, it is vital that you should not rush carelessly into choosing a life a life partner, ask God for guidance and help. I'm very sure you will agree with me that you want to marry a prayer partner not a prayer point. You need to be able to handle the battles that comes with marriage.

5.Wisdom

Someone once said it is one thing to get married but another thing to stay married. Most people have a tendency to view marriage as an ultimate goal which is great but, also develop a mentality that things are going to be smooth sailing after saying "l do". Marriage is defined as an intimate and complementing union in which two become one flesh for a lifetime.

As much as love is important in marriage, it is vital to know that love alone is not enough to sustain a marriage. Couples need to have wisdom on how to attack and defeat the devils that fight the institution of marriage. What is wisdom? to begin with. The English dictionary defines wisdom as the ability to discern or judge what is true, right or lasting.''But, we cannot talk of wisdom leaving out knowledge in the picture.

What is knowledge? According to the English dictionary, knowledge is information gained through experience, reasoning and acquaintance. Knowledge can exist without wisdom but, wisdom cannot exist without knowledge. This explains that you can't judge or discern something you don't know about.

One can be knowledgeable without being wise. For example, knowledge is knowing how to use a gun, wisdom is knowing when to use it and when to keep it holstered. Therefore, wisdom is a must have essential in marriage. It helps to solve day to day headaches of marriage and being able to handle conflicts between couples amicably thereby preventing divorce.

How do couples get hold of wisdom? The answer is that wisdom is a gift from God. James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given unto you." God blesses his people with wisdom inorder for them to glorify Him and use the knowledge they have of Him to enhance even their marriages. 

However, before you ask for wisdom from God, ask yourself if you are knowledgeable  enough. This is because the truth of the matter is that you can't apply the information that you don't have. Therefore, as couples you need to be knowledgeable about marriage. Read books that talk about marriage, attend seminars and webinars about marriage, seek counselling and befriend couples whose marriages have stood the test of time and take heed of their advice. 

Dear couples in marriage and singles yet to be married, ask for the gift of wisdom from God in prayer and he will gladly and freely give it unto you. It takes wisdom and understanding for a marriage to stand the storms of life.  Get wisdom not remaining stuck in wishdom.

Additional Qualities

Honesty and Trust

These two are the pillars that are foundational to the success and survival of a healthy marriage. But unlike most of the other essentials in this guide, trust takes time. One can become selfless, committed or dedicated in a moment but trust always takes time. Trust is only built after weeks, months and years of being who you say you are and doing what you say you'll do. It takes time, so start now - and if you happen to have a need to rebuild that trust then you need to work even extra harder. 

Humility

Every human being with flesh and blood have got their own weaknesses and relationships always reveal these faults quicker than anything you may think of. An essential building brick of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you make mistakes and that you will need forgiveness.

An attitude of superiority over your partner will harbour resentment and will prevent your relationship from blossoming. If you struggle in this area just take a pen and jot down three more things that your spouse does better than you. That simple but powerful exercise should help you stay humble. Always remember that Humility is not humiliation.

•Patience/Forgiveness

Perfection is a disease of the nation, everybody wants to be but nobody can. If it was attainable by our own actions, then there was no need for Jesus Christ to die on the cross for humanity. Therefore patience and forgiveness will always be required in a marriage relationship.

Successful spouses tend to show unending patience and forgiveness to their partner. They humbly admit their own shortcomings and do not expect perfection from their partner. These spouses don't bring out past errors in an effort to hold their partners hostage. So many marriages have been wrecked by built up bitterness caused by unforgiveness.

Someone once said anger is like drinking poison and expect the next person to die. Forgiveness sets one free and promote intimacy between spouses. If you are holding on to past hurt from your partner, forgive them, let go of the anger and built up resentment. Do not revenge.

In conclusion, all these essentials and quality can not be attained all at once or overnight. It takes a lot of learning and implementation for them to bring positive results among couples and thereby improving connection and intimacy between them.

***The End***


Submitted: February 03, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Tariro Tsaurayi. All rights reserved.

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