The Queen of Impeachments

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is a political satire about the Biden administration.

The Queen of Impeachments

The Queen of Impeachments sat down in front of her magic mirror and got ready to apply her makeup for the day. As usual, she spoke to it before starting." Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most powerful of all?" She asked.

"You are the most powerful today, but there is one more powerful on the way." The honest mirror replied.

The Queen was furious. She had to know who this threat was so that she could impeach him. "Who is it that dares to be more powerful than me?" she screamed at the mirror.

"Can I skip the rhyming and just answer the question? Nothing rhymes with her name."

"Don’t be a smartass, just tell me who it is."

"I don’t know how to pronounce her name, it Camila, or something like that."

“Stupid mirror, that’s Princess Camelot, my daughter!” The Queen picked up her ever present gavel and slammed it into the mirror. It was a shiny piece of metal so it didn’t break, it just bent a little and then straightened itself out.Two hours later the Queen had finished putting her makeup on and was ready to proceed.

She made her plan. King Joseph was old and almost senile, and their daughter was planning to follow him onto the throne that should be hers. She would have to cast an impeachment spell on her. Once impeached she could never attain the throne.  The first thing she had to do was find the crime to charge her with.

She went on the internet and Googled the name Camelot, but all she found were references to President Kennedy and some old king. She picked up her copy of Time magazine with her husband and daughter on the cover and reread the article for the third time. Then she cursed it.  There was nothing but praise for her there. 

"A curse on you right wing bigots" she intoned to the magazine, which did not respond. Then she thought of CNN, they would smear anybody!

She googled them and found what she needed there. It was an article about the May day gathering of the court. Apparently everyone had been well into their cups and having a merry old time. There were many pretenders to the throne there and gossip had been freely exchanged. Their daughter had been heard to exclaim about her father’s comment concerning  gnomes.  According to CNN she said that her father had said that they were ugly creatures that should stay underground with their treasures and stop complaining about high taxes. She had slandered the King. It was perfect!

The Queen sent emails to all the nobles of the court, ordering them to assemble for the impeachment. This caused much consternation among them because it interfered with their golf games and vacation plans. They had already worked for eighty three hours and it was only August, they were exhausted. Now they were being made to sit through another two hour impeachment. They commented to each other about the sacrifices they had to make for their country.

They met in secret at the Queen’s private estate. She served them her favorite ice cream to get them in a good mood. She had chosen the day that she knew her husband and daughter would be at the annual father-daughter royal banquet. Her favorite prosecutor, The Duke of Shift, would be presenting the evidence. He called his first witness, Marie Witch.

"Tell these noble people who can do no wrong what you heard Princess Camelot say last May day," he intoned as his eyes rolled up into his forehead and came down looking over his nose.

'Well, I was dallying with the Duke of Windman nearby when I heard her say to the royal treasurer, 'Father’s not sure what he should do about the gnomes not paying their taxes.' She said that they were little people!"

Duke Shift rolled his eyes up and down several times before speaking. Then in his most sever voice he said, "Your testimony is that you heard the Princess slander an ethnic group of our finest citizens! I am shocked, truly shocked."

"I shall now call my next witness, the honorable Duke of Windman."

The Duke strolled slowly to the witness stand so that everyone could admire his splendid uniform with all of its glistening medals. He sat down formally in his chair, with his head held high, a man beyond reproach.

"Colonel Windman, please tell the assemble nobles what you observed last May day."

"As I was conversing with Madam Witch I Noticed Princess Camelot nearby flirting with the Earl of Sanders. I was rather shocked, he being nearly twice her age. Then his voice became rather loud and I realized that he was lecturing her. He was saying how she must influence her father to give free food and water to the proletariat. She seemed quite agreeable to this outlandish suggestion and even suggested that we might educate them."

There were sounds of disbelief from the nobles. If that happened, they might want a say in how the kingdom was governed. It was almost treasonable.

"Tell us, honorable colonel, what else you overheard"

"She said that if they were well fed and happy that they might not object to paying their taxes."

"So, she questioned the King’s judgement! Its treason! She must be impeached!" Duke Shift exclaimed.

There were loud murmurs of agreement from the nobles.

"Is there one here who will speak to defend the Princess" The Queen asked, with her gavel held high, ready to pass judgement.

An elderly man with white tangled hair rose slowly to his feet. It was the treasurer, the Earl of Sanders. He walked slowly and unsteadily to the witness chair. It was well known that in the past he had made attempts to wear the crown but was foiled by the connivance of the assembled nobles.

"What have you to say, Earl Sanders?" Duke Shiff asked sarcastically.

"What my lady, Princess Camelot, and I discussed that pleasant day was the welfare of our countryman, and how to improve it. Surely that is an honorable pursuit. We did not criticize our most honorable King, we only discussed ways to make his loyal subjecst happy. Surely there is no treason in wanting to improve the lives of our subjects."

"Did she not call them ugly little people?"

"When referring to the gnomes she said that they were little people living in ugly conditions underground.  She expressed sympathy for them and a desire for them to come to the surface and live with the rest of the proletariat."

"And no doubt she would soon have them live with the royals," Duke Shift said sarcastically. This drew a wave of laughter from the royals. "Never! ", One of them shouted. "Never," the cry was repeated over and over again.

"I rest my case," Duke Schift said, and went to his chair. Queen Impeachment banged he gavel until the room became quite, then she spoke. "What is the judgement of the court?" she asked.

"Guilty" came the unanimous cry.

"To the dunking stool with her!" someone shouted.

"Bridle her!" Yelled another.

"Suffocate her in mud!" was another idea.

The Queen banged her gavel for silence again. "We choose to be merciful. We shall impeach her and make her wear the white sheet of penance. She shall stand by our assembly every day and beg our forgiveness." In this manner she believed that she had placed the King, who loved his daughter greatly, in her debt. The path to the throne was therefore open to her.

The next morning was bright and a warm sun shone thru the Queen’s bedroom windows as she addressed her magic mirror. "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most powerful of all?"

The mirror answered, "Princess Camelot sits on the throne, she is the most powerful alone."

"What treachery is this?" the Queen exclaimed.

"It is to the King most royal and only to him that am I loyal. Your evil plot to him I explained, and he has ordered you detained. His crown he has set aside, for the one who holds his pride. To Princess Camelot a pardon he gave and sentenced you to your grave."

"Treacherous mirror I shall destroy you, I no longer want you in my view!"

As she picked up the gavel and prepared to attack the mirror it formed itself into a concave shape. It focused the sun‘s beams into the Queens’s eyes and blinded her, then set her clothes on fire. She reached for a nearby pitcher of water and poured it on herself, and then she began to melt away.

“I’m melting, melting. Oh, what a world, what a world. No more beautiful impeachments.” Then she was gone and no one missed her.

Queen Camelot’s first order from the throne was to free all of the prisoners from their cells. Her second order was to have her father arrested and sent to the tower for the rest of his life. That was his punishment for not letting her ride the school bus with the rest of the children when she was a child.

The new Queen moved into her mother’s estate and made herself at home. The first thing she did there was thank the magic mirror for getting  get rid of her mother. Then she asked the vital question, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most powerful of all?"

"You are the most powerful today, but there is one who seeks your power on the way," the mirror answered.

“Who dares to challenge me to the throne, it is mine, all mine, and mine alone”

“ACDC and her gang will your life always harangue. If your throne you wish to keep, you must make them permanently sleep”

The Queen gave them a 3,467 page bill to read and that did the trick.

 

 

 


Submitted: February 06, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Tuxie. All rights reserved.

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JE Falcon aka JEF

Well, the very last line was humorous.

Sat, February 6th, 2021 10:16pm

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Reply

The fact is that our legeslatiors do not read the bills they pass (We'll only what in it when its passed).This was a comment about that. I agree, it is not funny at all.

Sun, February 7th, 2021 11:04am

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