Selfish

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

A collection of poems for G.D. Rip and Holly Arnold

Selfish

 

You don’t know me at all

You can cut yourself up about it

You can scream about it

You can stand in the street about it

You won’t stop me

 

I don’t care about that 

I don’t care about you

I protect myself

It’s not a wall, it’s called getting back

To life and you it’s not about 

 

It’s that you don’t care at all

You just hate 

Pathological jealousy

Pathological hypocrisy

Pathological sociopathy

 

Oh yeah, choke on this

I am not selfish

I am living my life

On my terms

I have always been honest

 

It is just because you need

Somebody to detest

Somebody to punch like a bag

Well, I am not your person

You will get it, I won’t put up with it

 

I Know You Know

 

This loss is unacceptable

Fighting the inevitable

Trying to good with the rest

Of your life, rest of your life

Taken away suddenly

On a street one night

But you found vision

You aimed your bullets

Of goodness with precision

And you hit a heart or two

A million or two, you 

 

I know you know

That you want us here tonight

I know you go

Up into the skies then

Look down in mid-flight

I know you know

That we are here for you tonight

 

Some things can’t last forever

Some moments are just moments

Others are bonds that 

Cannot be severed

Like the cutting of flesh

Into the skull’s mesh

But I know you know


We want you here tonight

I know you know

You can take off in flight

I know you know

You have all day and night

That you will be here tonight

That you want us here tonight

 

I know you know

You said you wouldn’t come

That I got mad about the 

Whole damn thing in my life

Got my life to live now

Worrying about myself all day, and 

I know you know

You want us here tonight

 

Two Years Old 

 

I am two years old
I want to get what I want

I first handled snow

Wondered how to mold it

Ran in and out without shoes

Got scolded for it

But to touch the earth

For the first time

Don’t treat it like it’s the last time

 

I am two years old

I get my way be screaming

I know what I want

When I see it

It’s more than dreaming 

I am too young for dreams


But I can kick a ball

And I can scream 

Call me Lucy

Where’s Linus?

Maybe I want to kick him

Kick his ball when he goes

For it, for in my world

The only one who matters is me

Don’t you see, my family?

I am smarter than I look

In the center smiling

 

Future football player

Future heavy metal singer

Future manipulator

Future Prime Minister, we’ll see

I keep smiling

The sun is shining on me 

 

I keep smiling

The sun is shining on me

I won’t stop screaming

Until they give the toy to me 

 

Go to Hell

 

If you don’t like my point of view

Well, then, you can go to hell

I have heard for decades

All the rules I am bound to

Just because I’m a woman

So, enough of that now 

Enough of that now 

 

I am tired of compromise

I am tired of hiding

Behind the truth in my eyes

I am tired of self-defense

I am tired of your anger

For me, anger is an energy

Anger is hunger for life

It is a need that requires devouring

Flesh and bloodlust whole

Because if I don’t feel something

What have I got to live for?

 

And if you want forgiveness

It requires justice

Not fake tears and photo-ops

Not fake promises without purpose

And if you want forgiveness

It is a long road, I promise 


 

Take Out The Trash

 

Tired of leaders without a head

Just full of hot air, up to there

Up to here, doesn’t matter

North, South, East, West 

Take out the trash 

 

Got to get back up

And learn to live again
Got to find plants for

The good fruit, the good seed

The roots of forgiveness

Take out the trash 

 

Still, I want to cut back

The bad root, pull up 

Those evil plants, toss them out

Cut off their seed line

Never let them grow again 

Take out the trash 

 

I don’t believe in reconciliation

WIthout justice

I don’t believe in reconciliation
Without the terms of Natives

I don’t believe in reconciliation
Unless it’s honest

I believe in reconciliation

If it benefits all of us

I don’t believe in reconciliation

Unless it’s for the rest of us

Whatever color, whatever class, whatever loss 

Take out the trash

 

Bullets

 

Don’t call me family

Unless you get

Permission from me

And, no, I don’t owe you money

And, no, you don’t owe me

You don’t hear me 

Asking for everything

Under the sun

And then something

So please

 

Blood as bullets

But there is no blood between us

Not good or bad

Not even humanity

Not even history

It’s just about money

That’s a bullet in my heart

And if you dearly depart

It won’t mean anything 

To me, I decide who is family 

 

Don’t call me family

Unless it is voluntary

I have plenty I can find

And plenty I have left behind

But some in the past

Treated me like I was theirs

But I was never theirs

And they were never mine

Nobody’s a possession

The rest is a lie 


 

Just Be Mine

 

You can send valentines

You can buy gifts

You can toast with wine

But love is hard to define

It will be on my terms

When the time is right

Then, you can just be mine

 

I spent seven years

Out of the last ten
With a man who 

Was as much the

Persuasive devil

As he was Seventh Heaven

Maybe, you can just be mine 

 

I just had to let him go

He could never be mine

A list of others up to here

I could not comprehend

Why I took his defense

Maybe, you can just be mine

 

I wasn’t bound by circumstance

It was not a war dance

I am just tired of not being myself

I am just tired of leaving life

Behind for someone else 

So there will be no more of that 

Maybe, you can just be mine 

 

Headed Out Again

 

I’ve got a midnight flight

Packed my bags

Want to see things

Want to believe in the

Permanence of beauty
 

Beneath the acid rain
And all the litter

All the pollution

I want to believe

In the permanence of green fields forever

 

When I enter the sky
And see all the clouds above

That it’s just like Cuba

A tropical emerald isle

I want to believe

That it’s pristine

It could be that way again

 

I’ve got a midnight flight

On the go again
A world without end

A world not on the mend

Needs some rescuing

It should be just like Cuba

Clean, green, and unaltered 


 

Forever is Fine

 

If you believe in love

Forever is fine

But sometimes, it’s 

Like finding a fly 

In my aged red wine 

 

Forever is fine

Just fruit from the vine

Forever is fine

Everything ages

Out of cages, to be released again


Forever is fine

What comes and goes

It will come around again

Forever is fine

If you believe in love

It satisfies

It heals all wounds

It never denies 

 

Time 

 

I was trying to catch a dream

But I can’t catch a fantasy
And turn into reality
Without some help

I tried on my own

It only takes time


Tired of the negativity
Of cynical mentalities

Tired of people speaking

Of the voices in their head

Listen to the one in your soul instead

Don’t listen to the others

They steal away dreams

They are here to catch them 

 

I tried on my own

I tried to love and disown

I tried to love and not be owned

I tried to love but it was not love

When it was me on my own

When it was me who was disowned

It only takes time, it starts tonight 

 

To set a dream free

Takes a dose of reality

To catch a dream

That is not the reason we are here

Set them free, they will fly

And return with certainty 

Beautiful things can come

Out of bad situations

God is always there

Just takes some veneration

 

Don’t fear death
Even though it’s scary

Now’s the time to get fiery
We’ve got all the time in 

The world it seems and then

It ends, but when we get to

Return home again, fly 

Around with the dead

It is the other side of living then

Until then, look at the system 

And fight them 

 

No Surrender 

 

You know life goes on

And love comes around
Again and again

Some are irreplaceable

Others are the past

 

No surrender now

No surrender

No surrender now

No surrender
Bonds to make, not bonds to sever

 

I never got mad about it

Until today, blood curdling mad

And then I let it go

I don’t want to be 

Angry in the end

 

I would rather learn

I would rather love again

I would find the joy in life 

And this time, I won’t pretend

I don’t care if I offend

And I have nothing to defend

 

This time is my time

It’s what I want

It’s no surrender

It’s love and not circumstance

It’s a dance to the sky

Not a silent war dance 


 

Highways 

 

I don’t do halfway love

If I head down these highways

Finally free free free again

Then I go all the way

Up to the Northern corner

And back again

I don’t do halfway love

 

Love is not without limits

It is give and take

It is overcoming heartache

It is learning to trust again

On my terms, this time 

On my terms, this time

Or else, I go, I am just fine 

 

I don’t do fake love

Don’t care about money
Don’t care about narcissism

Your fake pretenses

Your past offenses

You’ve got learn how to love

It comes from up above

Have a human heart

I don’t do halfway love

 

Highways of love

Highways opened up again

Any direction
There are four to choose from

If I am going to have someone

I don’t do halfway love

If you want to go with me tonight

I don’t do halfway love 

 

Broken Country

 

I had the land

I had the dream

I was moving with my people

The white man, he took that away

From me, I am not what you see

You see colours in the mirror

A broken country is what I see

In the face of any Native man

Or woman, you can see


I had a language

I had a religion

I had my own cuisine

I had a spirit

I protected the bison

They were on good terms with me

I never shot them down

Ran them down off the cliffs

Till they were extinct

 

And when my people starved

You made me sign a treaty
For the sake of your own greed

So we could eat

Then you abused me

Then you segregated me

Then you welfare bummed me

Then you left with 

Smallpox, alcohol, uncertainty

No clean running water

Or electricity

Half the income of the white man

If I am lucky

Beaten at school

And left without certainty

Now you run a pipeline

Through my communal property

Tell me like the people of Kelly Lake

To go to court for what was mine

For eternity

I saw a broken country.

 


Submitted: February 08, 2021

© Copyright 2021 SN Kjaerbaek. All rights reserved.

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