A Theory about Conspiracy Theories

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Good sound Logic, that will prove or disprove any theory; I think. --- If you liked this short story, then you might want to read the follow-up, "A Theory about Conspiracy Theories, #2.

I'm not one to beat around the bush, so I'll get right to the point. Gatorade, and other such sports drinks, are the ingredients that causes people to believe Conspiracy Theories; it's all in the excessive amounts of salt and the electrolytes.

Yep, those Electrolytes are the power source that allows brain waves to process illogical thought and the excessive salt helps in the process.

How do I know this? Well, like all solid research teams, I did a study, that's how!

Of course, I didn't have a team because I had a limited budget for the research.

I reasoned that I never believe such theories, and I knew that my cousin, Bobby-Don, often did. So there was the basis to my research.

Bobby-Don drinks Gatorade all the time, even when he's not work-in out or in train-in for the local Hog Call-in competition. As for me, I never drink the stuff.

Anyway, I called Bobby and asked him what the most pressing Conspiracy Theory was, and he said that the most important was the "Fluoridation" of the water supply.

"It's a Travesty!" Bobby said.

Then he went on to say that Fluoridation of the water was a Left-Wing plot to weaken the health of American Patriots; because Patriots drink more water than the rest of the population, I guess.

He also said that Fluoridation of the water was just another way to dispose of Industrial Waste and to kill True Capitalists in the process; Bobby has water purifiers on all his household water outlets, so he figures he and his family are safe.

Well, I told Bobby that I felt he was wrong because I drink all sorts of water, and I have suffered no ill affects due to water consumption.

Well, right away Bobby pointed out the fact that I had had bone spurs removed from my feet, (about 50 years ago). And a gallbladder operation, (about 40 years ago), and I had to have dentures, (at the age of 68). He was sure that all those problems were do to drinking Fluoride.


Well, I took all he said into advisement. Then I refreshed my data on his excellent health at 68 years old, also noting he had dentures fitted recently, as I did.

As I crunched the numbers, my Gatorade Theory went out the window.

After all, if Dillon wasn't drinking Fluoridated Water then he may be right about his good health and his lack of Fluoride consumption.

And if he is right, then my theory about him believing Conspiracy Theories has nothing to do with the consumption of Gatorade, and other such sports drinks.

So as I reviewed my findings with my wife, she calmly noted, "Gatorade and many other processed drinks are loaded with Fluoride. It's in the water they use to make the stuff."

"Really?" I asked.

"Really," she replied.

Well, that means the excessive amounts of salt, electrolytes, and Fluoride are the ingredients that are causing people to believe Conspiracy Theories.

Yep, that Fluoride must be the power source that allows brain waves to process illogical thought.


Well, I could see that a further study was needed, and I wondered if Cousin Bubba was awake at that late hour.



D. Thurmond / JEF


Submitted: February 08, 2021

© Copyright 2021 D. Thurmond aka JEF. All rights reserved.

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Some great, solid fact-finding, here, LOL

I have after reading this mind-blowing revelation, fitted water purifiers on all of my taps.

I would love to hear what Bubba thinks of this Covid nonsense. It has to be a government scam, surely!

It a good, fun read, thanks for sharing.

Tue, February 9th, 2021 9:43am


It's always nice to know a smile came about, thanks for reading and have a Conspiracy-free day. LOL --- Oh, and you may be right, Bubbah should be contacted, but we'll have to wait awhile. I was told by Mildred, his wife of 60 years, he is on Training Maneuvers with his local Nautical Militia, Swamp-boat Squadron # 03. At present they are patrolling for Space Alien activity in their sector, and because of a empty Gatorade bottle, --- well, I've said too much already. ...

Tue, February 9th, 2021 12:33pm

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