Fell, 'Over'

Reads: 348  | Likes: 4  | Shelves: 1  | Comments: 6

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Realistic Fantasy

Featured Review on this writing by J.D. Anderson

Fell, Over?
Photo: Roksolana Zasiadko, Unsplash

‘I just fell over in the snow,

Oh, what a silly way to go!’

I tripped upon a slab of ice,

The jarring feeling wasn’t nice,

I grazed my knee, I bumped my head,

And watched the scarlet as I bled,

The bruises spreading to my toes,

Purpling out my blue snub nose,

A blood clot formed inside my head,

My face cloud-ed, my eyes turned red,

‘I just fell over in the snow,

Oh, what a silly way to go!’

At least, that’s what I think I said,

Before I realized: I was dead.


Submitted: February 09, 2021

© Copyright 2021 HJ FURL. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:

Comments

J.D. Anderson

I live in Wisconsin, and grew up in northern Minnesota (about 5 miles from Canada), and your poem reminded me of an incident in which I was ice skating in our back yard and I took a particularly hard spill. I remember many of the same thoughts going through my own mind as I lay on the ice. I don't know if you intended this poem to be humorous, and I'm sorry if you didn't, but I started chuckling because just before the last line of your poem I heard my mother's voice in my own experience saying "Get up, you big boob!" Loved the poem. The meter and the rhyming are the type that I'm still trying to master. Loved it. Will look for more.

Tue, February 9th, 2021 4:59pm

Author
Reply

I really enjoyed reading your story, J.D., and so wish that I could ice skate; when I wander beyond the perimeter of the rink I'm like a Weeble - I wobble and then I fall down! I do have a very dry, some might say acid, sense of humour which pervades my stories, if you look hard enough - a legacy of my West Sussex upbringing - where irony rules. I just love your expression: "Get up, you big boob" - it sums up my fly-in-the-face attitude to life and the PC constraints we face as artists, and yes, you've noticed, humour pervades many of my poems, few and far between as they are (there are about 15 on Booksie, dotted here and there on my Portfolio). I write them from time to time - in response to an incident usually, and it takes me forever to string the words together - I'm no poet, that's for sure!
Thank you so much for your kind words,
HJ

Wed, February 10th, 2021 9:32am

AdamCarlton

You have a poetic way with exaggeration, HJ. I don't know what to think!

Tue, February 9th, 2021 5:21pm

Author
Reply

Thank you Adam, I must fall, over in the snow more often!

Wed, February 10th, 2021 9:36am

hullabaloo22

Ha! Loved the sense of humor in this, HJ!

Tue, February 9th, 2021 7:13pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much Hully, you know, your feedback means so much to me, for you truly are a poet - and a great one at that,
Warmest Wishes,
HJ x

Wed, February 10th, 2021 9:37am

tom mcmullen

That's funny HJ, I suggest a a wheel less walker with G P S so you won't get lost well!

Wed, February 10th, 2021 1:08am

Author
Reply

I think you should be my Doctor, Tom!
Thank You!
HJ x

Wed, February 10th, 2021 9:38am

Meaghan Kalena

This was great! I love the wordplay :))

Wed, February 10th, 2021 2:11am

Author
Reply

Ah, thank you very much Meaghan - teach me to play in the snow!

Wed, February 10th, 2021 9:39am

A. K.Taylor

This reminds me of a few of my poems, HJ. Even in the serious ones, my humor pervades if you read closely. It has a lot to do with the context along with the rhyming aspects of them, I think.

I can't really relate to the experience, but I enjoyed this particular glimpse of your writing style.

Fri, February 12th, 2021 1:07am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much AK, glad you enjoyed it - as you can see I'm not a very good poet!
Best Wishes
HJ

Thu, February 11th, 2021 10:38pm

Facebook Comments

Other Content by HJ FURL

Short Story / Fantasy

Short Story / Romance