Shadow Self

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

What  is my shadow self?
It belongs to me and nobody else
It whispers secrets to me
And  it's something nobody else can see
A lot of it was built from my childhood
So carrying it doesn't feel good
And a large part feels empty searching for  love
Some  of it is bitter
Whereas  I wish there was good banter
But  I will always resent my trauma 
Despite  forgiveness and love being my mantra
Part  of it feels lonely
But  I love my independence
So that makes me feel phoney
There  are elements of pain
And how I'm difficult in relationships like I'm playing a game
And issues with food
Plus difficulty managing my mood
The empty part seeks something to feel whole
So it's a lover of trying to gain control
Sometimes my shadow self makes me dramatic
Or lust  after everything romantic
Sometimes my shadow side makes me mope
Or find  dysfunctional ways to cope
Sometimes  it makes me desperate and sigh
Or Nihilistic to the point I cry
Sometimes the effort of covering it with a front
Makes  me somnolent
So does my fear of abandonment
Part of it stems from abuse
Makes  me feel worthless like I'm born to lose
Some of it is feeling the loner in a crowd
Who is different because she is hypersensitive to everything loud
Sometimes  it's the part of me that will moan
When  I feel alone
Or the part of me that is silent
Or full of word salad waffle
Or who regularly lives in a hovel

My teacher is looking at me wanting to know what I put
I decide to listen to my gut
I feign confusion in the lesson
“Sorry  Sir what was the question?”
Some things  are too private to share
Unless  I cry he won't care
Plus it's my secret side
So I can choose to hide


Submitted: February 16, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Skye Bagshaw. All rights reserved.

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