Dear Bride To Be: Here Is The Euphoria That Is Breaking A Lot Of Marriages

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Wisdom Warehouse

Dear future bride there is a euphoria that if you are not careful, would trap your future marriage before you even utter the words, "l do". Find out what it is

Dear Bride To Be: Here Is The Euphoria That Is Breaking A Lot Of Marriages.

THE WEDDING EUPHORIA

Most ladies have this fantasy that one day a prince will just appear on their doorsteps in a shining armor riding a horse and hand over to us the shoe that we lost like Cindrella. They spend most of their maturity stage time planning and fantasizing about their dream wedding more than the marriage. A renowned author quoted, "The wedding is the briefest of opening acts. Marriage is the main theme." It is far too easy to get so engulfed in wedding details that you lose site of the lifetime you will be spending together with your husband to be.

Preparing for a marriage can be a lot of work. There is need to prepare for something much more important than just the big day. The philosophy is plan for the marriage before planning your wedding. Although the wedding is special, the entire event will be over in a few short hours of the day, then the marriage covenant that would have been made will kickstart as a result of that big day. It is so easy to get so carried away with wedding details that we tend to forget that there is a life after the wedding which is the marriage that you signed up for because of the big event. So the question here is how can you plan properly for these two separate things without jeopardizing the other? Below are a few tips:

•Have a clear understanding of God's purpose for marriage

Understanding God's purpose is essential prior to getting married. Couples often believe that God's purpose for marriage can be summed up in one of the following sentences:

•God's plan for us is to marry our soulmates.

•God wants us to have a best friend.

•The intention of marriage is to make us happy.

•The intention of marriage is to make us whole and complete. 

•Marriage was designed so we can have our sexual needs fulfilled. 

Everyone have different desires for getting married, so the above list can go on and on. That is why it is essential we discover God's purpose for marriage. Malachi 2:15 says, "God not us created marriage. His spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. Because God made marriage,it is essential that we discover what his desire for marriage is. Someone once asked, "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"

If God desires that we become more like Him (holy) through our marriage, then many couples head into marriage with wrong expectations. Unfortunately those wrong expectations sets them up to be disappointed when they don't come to fruition. Don't get me wrong, l'm not advocating that marriage should sound solely like a spiritual discipline. In fact, marriage is a wonderful gift from God but, there are days when loving your spouse to be just may draw you closer to God and work holiness in you instead.That is why it is important to fully understand the purpose of the vows you will take as you enter the marriage covenant.

Spend quality time getting to know each other before getting engaged

The question you need to ask yourselves is, "How long should we date before we get engaged?" Studies have shown that happily married couples take about 25 months from the time they start dating until they are married. But, to be honest there isn't a definitive answer. There may not be a set amount of time but, l believe it is essential that you share many experiences together inorder to know if this is really the kind of person you desire to spend the rest of your life with.

As you date, it is vital to use the time together to be on watch for any red flags. It is important to see how your special person handles everyday events. Watch to see how he handles your heart during disappointments, conflict or when you are stressed. Don't settle for just watching your loved one put his best foot forward.

Get quality premarital education or counselling

So many couples are unaware of the benefits of premarital counseling. A certain author, in his book provides evidence that couples who seek 8-10 hours of quality premarital education or counseling are 80% more likely to stay together. On a sad note, the author also found out that about 35-40 % of couples will choose to engage in some form of premarital education. 

Premarital counseling is very important in the sense that you and your partner have a strong healthy relationship; giving you a better chance for a stable and satisfying marriage. This kind of counseling can also help you identify weaknesses that could become problems during marriage. Below are some of the reasons why you need to opt for premarital counseling:

The Reasons Why You Need To Do Premarital Counseling

It Builds Communication Skills

When couples go to counseling, they talk together with a counselor or religious leader who has the training needed to help them better understand one another. Couples who go through this type of counseling inevitably build better communication skills because they have a neutral party there to help them understand one another. 

Straight talk, no chaser, this is one of the biggest benefits of premarital counseling. In addition to learning how to better communicate individual needs and desires, couples also learn how to better understand each other. They gain compassion and communication skills that will help them through the tough times.

Premarital Counseling Provides An Opportunity To Address Issues

Premarital counseling also provides a great opportunity for couples to confront issues that could lead to divorce before they become serious. By talking with a counselor, couples maybe able to settle financial (money) disagreements or talk about their plans to have kids. Addressing issues before marriage is the best way to ensure a solid foundation for the future and to avoid serious conflicts after the big day (wedding).

Premarital Counseling Help Couples Plan For The Future

Premarital counselors can do more than just help couples talk through their current issues. They also help them plan activity for the future. A provider can help couples set financial or family planning goals and can help them find ways to accomplish those goals. 

Premarital Counseling is the perfect place for couples to talk about the expectations that they have for married life and what they want personally in the future too. Premarital counselors help their clients focus on healthy goals and relationship changes. 

It Equips Couples With Wisdom

Talking with someone who has been married for a long time is another big benefit of seeking premarital counseling. When you talk to a counselor, you benefit from a voice of wisdom on the subject of marriage. It is more than just someone sharing what they've learnt from a book. It is someone sharing what what they have learned from real life. In fact, premarital counseling have counseled  so many couples that they're now experienced and they can provide tested advice and essential encouragement.

Dear bride to be, your wedding is an unforgettable day that you will look back on fondly for the rest of your life, l know. But, a wedding is just one day yet a marriage is the rest of entire life. Planning a wedding is fun and exciting but there is a lot more planning the both of you should be doing before saying l do to each other. 

You need to know that dedicating yourself to someone for the rest of your life is serious business. It is more of a personal commitment that lasts a lot longer than it takes for you to plan your special day. Before tying the knot, it is important to make sure you plan for a marriage and not just a wedding. The conversation you should have before getting married is to make sure you are both all in for a lifetime not just a day.

The Wedding Euphoria In Detail

Some ladies can be heard saying that they are ready to get married even when they don't have a partner. Others even go to the extremes of buying their own dream wedding gown and heels before they even meet their groom OMG! These are women who desperately wants a wedding not a marriage. They plan for their dream wedding in advance. A wedding is planning a party or a celebration where family and friends come together.

It is exciting and fun. It is a lot of attention being focused upon you and your partner. It is a day to remember for the rest of your life but, it is not a marriage. Marriage is blissful as much as it is a hard nut to crack. Marriage means being there for one another through thick and thin. There will be a lot going on that is money troubles, bill payment, school fees, medical bills, emotional difficulties and career goals. This means taking care of one another when you need a shoulder to cry on, when you are sick and making meals for one another.

Being married means working through the frustrations about conflicts, boredom, sex, finances and more. It means putting your spouse before yourself, having the patience for one another and being  each other's best friend in the world. It means adventurous weekends, Sunday services at church, television shows, Netflix, laughing together, traveling, sharing your deepest thoughts and desires and never feeling alone. Below are the questions you need to ask each other before you tie the knot:

How To Plan For A Marriage Not Just A Wedding

Asking  questions is a great way to get to know your partner better, especially if you are about to get married. These are precise and fantastic questions to see what you both want out of your life, how you plan on tackling difficult situations and where you see yourselves in the future. Here are some key questions to discuss so that you know you are planning for a marriage and not just a wedding:

1.Why are you getting married?

Despite the fact that you love one another, you need to ask why are you getting married? Do you have the same goals and beliefs? Do you see how you would be of benefit to your future spouse? and vice-versa? Are you kind, patient, loyal and able to manage conflicts well? It is vital to make it your mission as a married couple to remove the word 'divorce' from your vocabulary. 

Divorce is not just a mere word to utter whenever you argue with your partner. Making the agreement with one another to remove the D word will give you comfort and peace of mind, knowing that when things go banana (tough) you will both put in the effort to fix it.

2.Will you be able to deal with the unexpected?

You need to be aware that unforseen occurrences such as sickness, loss of jobs, the death of a loved one, retrenchment are heavy trials for a couple. How do you both deal with unexpected situations? It is vital to practice patience and foster a positive attitude and cultivate your faith to help you better deal with potential trials in the future.

3.Do you want kids?

This is a must conversation you should have before getting married. Starting a family is a lifelong dream for some and not a big deal for others. Seeing where you and your partner stand on the issue now will help you to come to a conclusion about your future together. You need to know whether you will start a family, wait a few years or remain a two person family. This is an important question that should be asked. 

4.What are your values and beliefs?

This may not seem important while you are still dating and not married yet whether you share the same religion, moral standards, political views and values but as years unfold, into marriage, you will find that they do matter. Let me touch a little bit on the issue of religion. Listen to me ladies who are looking forward to get married someday. Don't take lightly the issue of religion. If you and your partner don't believe the same religion while you are still in courtship,this won't change even when you are married.

A lot of marriages have been broken because of this issue. Imagine yourself being a Christian and your partner is a Muslim, how are you going to deal with this difference. Others may say either one of the partners have to compromise. Yes they may compromise so as to not lose their spouse to be. But trust me once you tie the knot, their decision to compromise will turn 90 degrees and they will return back to their own religion and beliefs. Don't get me wrong, l am not by any means tying to judge nor compare religion but what l'm trying to shed light on is you and your spouse to be need to have the same beliefs and values when it comes to the issue of religion. The Word of God says "How can two walk together unless they agree?" (Amos 3:3). 

You need to be on the same page concerning your values and beliefs. If not so, things will become complicated when you get married. Imagine when you have children and you go to different churches, who do the children follow the mother or father? See, it becomes complicated just because you took for granted something that will impact your future together. Make the right decision before it's too late. Make hay while the sun still shines.

5.How best can you make your partner happy?

Gary Chapman in his best-selling book series; The Love Languages mentions that each partner has a language that they specifically use to express and receive love. He called them The Love languages. To know more about these languages, look for this author's books, trust me you won't regret your investment in those books. Therefore, you need to know how your partner wants or need inorder to feel loved and they need to do the same for you too. Making your partner's emotional and physical needs and happiness a priority is key in having a long-lasting happy marriage.

6.Where do you see yourselves 5-10 years down the line?

This question will raise up a conversation that is mutually beneficial before getting married. You gotta ask yourselves where do you see yourselves living, being it a city, suburb or countryside? Couples usually have different ideas and views about where they prefer to settle down when they get married. This information is essential to planning your future as a family or couple in marriage.

7.How will you deal with falling out of love?

Marriages are not a walk in the park or a bed of roses. It is high time you stop looking at them with rose colored glasses. Marriages are rollercoasters of emotions. You may always love one another but, you may not always be in love. Therefore, you need to ask each other whether you are committed to staying together even when you don't feel a loving connection?How do you plan on rekindling your romance or patiently waiting to come back if you fall out of love or grow bored of one another? Of course, this isn't the most romantic thought in the world but, it is a practical discussion you should have before diving into the boat of marriage. 

Dear Bride To Be l know l have chit-chat a lot of stuff here but what l really want you to take home after reading this article is There is a life after the wedding which is the very thing you gather family and friends to witness that is THE MARRIAGE. 

Dear readers, thanks for taking your time reading, l appreciate your effort 

***THE END***

 


Submitted: March 12, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Tariro Tsaurayi. All rights reserved.

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