The law is out to get me.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Thrillers  |  House: Booksie Classic


I have a big problem with the law, but I don’t have a criminal record.

You see, whenever I find out about a new weird rule, it attacks me in some way. And it doesn’t matter where the rule is enforced.

I’m not sure when it started, exactly. The first incident I remember is from when I was a teenager.

Have you ever heard of it being illegal to chew gum in Singapore? I have. That same day, the second I bit into a stick of gum at the store, a shelf fell over and missed me by a hair.

This freaked me out, but I didn’t realize it was connected until years later.

I was planning a trip to Germany when I read about it being illegal to run out of gas on the highway. Now every time my gas tank goes below 25% on the highway, my car starts swerving off the road on its own.

Did you know it’s illegal to hike naked in Switzerland? I don’t want to know the consequences. I wear multiple layers of clothing at all times, just in case.

I live my life in perpetual semi-fear, and it seems like something is constantly trying to bait me. I always come across clickbait articles like “6 crazy laws you won’t believe!”, or “10 of the WEIRDEST laws in the world! You’ll be SHOCKED by #7!”.

Setting up filters doesn’t help. All of my social media and news feeds recommend this stuff almost exclusively, and my inbox is flooded with article links. On days I have the energy, I have to wade through the ocean of feces to find an actual article that won’t try to kill me.

So far it hasn’t had any major impacts on my life. I can’t chew gum, I avoid the beach, and I keep my car’s gas tank full. I can’t really read the news, but I hear about it from other people all the time. It’s usually easy to stop people mid-sentence if they start talking about weird laws.

But yesterday, while I was eating, I saw a headline that made me spit out my food and immediately empty my fridge and freezer.

Apparently, it’s illegal to eat a person in Idaho.


Submitted: March 25, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Mister Skulk. All rights reserved.

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